Domestic Violence.....I have been there.

[sno]

I have been there trust me I know what it is like to go through a abrusive relationship. Dont know what to do to make him happy, there isn't away. I want to help in someway. I am 21 years old now. About three years ago I was in a very abusive relationship. He beat me many of times. But the last time he beat me it was to kill me. He was on drugs which I did't know about until we moved in togather. One night he was going through withdraw and he didn't have any money to buy some more cocaine. The beating began around 12 and ended about 2 am. He hit me, choked me until I blacked out then wrapped a belt around me neck to continue choking me, hit me with the metal part of the belt, broke my phone so I couldn't call for help. I'm not talking about a couple of bruises, when I looked in the mirror I looked as if I was a monster. My head was so swollen, bruises the size of grapefruit on my legs, you could see the whole hand print on my arm. After it ended he wouldn't go to sleep he sat and watched me, told me how much he loved me, cried while saying look what I have done to my baby. I was out of my head talking crazy. I would say something on accident to make him mad, and he would began yelling again. I quickly snapped back into it and would apologize. I could eat or drink it hurt too bad but that was good. Because 9 am the next morning the police showed up. I was so scared of him at first I wouldn't tell on him, they took him to jail and came back. That is when I told. I was transported to the hospital. I spent about a week in icu at Baptist. I had a broken orbit bone, broken nose, lose tooth, and mainly a hole in my trachea. I wasn't allowed to eat because even a chip of ice may go straight to my lungs and kill me. They wanted to put a feeding tube down me but I wanted to give it a couple of days. They lord let me live that awful experience, I defiantly wasn't going to starve to death. He wanted me here for a reason. And I was right the next day the hole was gone. It grew back on its own!!! They reason I am telling you this is because I need to be helping other people like me in someway. I am here to lend an ear or if you have been through this I would love to hear your stories also. Thank you so much for all your time, I hope to hear from you shortly

http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/ovc/help/links.htm

This is a website for anyone who is going through D.V. It may help.

It did for me. When I was in the hospital for this....It caused many bill. Victims Comp payed for my hosp bill, doc bill, even would have payed for time out of work but I didnt work I wasnt allowed to at the time.

[crazy_grl]

Sno, I'm sorry you had to go through that. I hope you've gotten counseling for your experience. It's wonderful to help others, just don't neglect yourself in the process.

 

I've never had an abusive SO, just an angry and abusive father, nothing as bad as your bf though. I hope he finds the help he needs to change, and until he does, I hope he stays in jail where he can't hurt anyone else.

 

All the best to you and everyone who's been through something like this. *hugs*

[basscatcher]

I have had my share of DV but nothing this physically severe. I do have a very very close friend whom was beaten with a baseball bat by her husband and she landed in the hospital. Her own mother couldn't recognize her she was beaten so bad.

 

She soon divorced the man. She takes no crap of anyone and she fights back these days. She is on guard and hyper sensitive to abuse. She wastes no time walking out on it or fighting back.

 

I too recoil from abuse. I have found myself playing games to keep the peace in previous relationships because I feared the man I was dating would flip and start beating on me. One man did use my legs as punching bags when he in a blackout from alcoholism. I left asap.

 

Walking on egg shells is not fun, I won't do it again. I'd rather lose everything then to tolerate being beaten..

 

My life and my sons life is worth so much more then my possessions.

[Craig]

Sno, thank you for talking about DV. Right now someone is probably reading your post, thankful that you have posted it.

 

Violence is accepted and embedded in our society, how strange it is that some people pay good money to see simulations of people getting beat up, shot, raped and murdered (the movies).

 

It's going to take a lot of discussion just like this to wake people up to the fact that violence is just wrong.

[sno]

I think you all that have replyed. Yeah I have gotten counseling for this, support groups and all. I now ready to help others. I just know how hard it is to get up and leave. You think if someone puts there hands on you you would realize they don't care so much about you....but its not so easy. You have this illusion that this is LOVE. Its not. I also know what you are saying padameckla when you say walking on egg shells or playing a game....I did that everyday. Told him what he wanted to here to make him happy, hurried in the grocery store so he wouldn't get mad, said what he would want me to say instead of what I would really say in a situation because I really don't want to get hit. I know in my situation it didn't really matter what I said because I was beaten everyday from saying something, to looking the wrong way, D.V. is a situation no one deserves to be in. In a way I think talking to others about this and trying to help others will help me also. To know I have done everything I possibly can to get another person out of this situation. I want to thank all of you for posting replys because just like my story may have affected you, your replys affect me also. Thanks!

[journalstar4]

Thanx for sharing your story sno, unfortunately there isn't much sympathy for me as I was on the other side of the coin. I must admit I have punched and kick my partner and banged his head on three occasions, he left on the third time and it's been NC since then. So anyways, I don't really know if there is yet hope that he might come back.

[Craig]

Thanx for sharing your story sno, unfortunately there isn't much sympathy for me as I was on the other side of the coin. I must admit I have punched and kick my partner and banged his head on three occasions, he left on the third time and it's been NC since then. So anyways, I don't really know if there is yet hope that he might come back.

 

Journalstar4 you have to get some help with this, what have you done to work on it since the breakup?

[sno]

Thanx for sharing your story sno, unfortunately there isn't much sympathy for me as I was on the other side of the coin. I must admit I have punched and kick my partner and banged his head on three occasions, he left on the third time and it's been NC since then. So anyways, I don't really know if there is yet hope that he might come back.

 

I agree with him. You must get help. There maybe a possiblity he would come back. But regardless you need help for either your ex or your future partner. You obviously have an anger problem and for the most part people aren't able to get over this on there on. You should definiely get some help. If your partner did come back it wouldn't be fair for you to promise you would never do this again and as soon as you get them back, you do it again.

[selenakitten]

I too have been there. I was sexually molested and over punished as a child. I ended up being rebellious toward my step father and then when I married my ex husband, went thru all of it.

I should of known when I was dating not to marry him. He was a mama's boy and hit me a couple of times when dating. Most of the time it was b/c of me. Once we got into an argument in the car and I grabbed his hair and yanked the crap outta it. The result was a punch in the arm and left a huge bruise. Another was when I wanted to have sex and he didn't (something he would complain about the opposite later), he bloodied my nose. Yes, I have a temper, it stems from my childhood.

I married the jerk and it was hell. We had two children, which I will give his credit, he is a good daddy, but lousy husband. We were only able to move next door in a house his grandmother lived in before she died. The mother controlled everything. I didn't know what my husband made at work b/c he'd have to fork over his check and he'd get maybe $50-100 of it. We couldn't do anything without permission. We couldn't move. Then he started hitting me. I've been thrown across the room so many times, I was dragged across the yard into the house (up a couple steps) by my hair, choked until I passed out, raped-yes there is such thing as maritial rape, slapped, woken up with him masturbating and ejaculating in my face! I was told I was a slut, whole, fat bitch....He's broke stuff that meant to me...and his mom was no better. Since she owned the house we lived in (it was left to her), she would just come in whenever she wanted. Once the house was a mess (I was always up her ass doing stuff for her or at work so when did I have time???). My ex told me that we would nap and then when we woke up, we would clean it together..we weren't asleep more than 20 min. when I felt a shoe hit me in the head. There was the mother in law screaming "Clean this f*#king house up, NOW" The shoe she hit me with was one of those Dr. Sholl's clogs. It was so bad that her husband was coming on to me b/c he was misrable!!!! My father in law!!!!

I started having affairs (as did he). I finally found the one now. but the damage is done.

GET OUT if you are going thru this. It is not worth it! I am lucky I am still allive. Some out there got it worse. My only loss is that they took my two older children. They had me sign the custody to the them and they are living with the grandparents. Good thing that he don't hit the kids~

[whatwentwrong19]

Sno I appreciate you sharing your story and it's a good thing you're alive, you would have been dead if you stay. Sadly I love my g/f to pieces, would never think of hurting her, while been a long ago I became her punching bag whenever she vents out her anger and frustration. I wanna break up with her already but then again I love her, I don't think I can.

[crazy_grl]

Selenakitten, I'm sorry you went through that, but I'm glad you're out of it now. *hugs* How long ago was this? Have you gone to counseling.

 

This might be a sensitive subject for you, but my concern is for the kids who are still in the situation. The reason is that people who are abusive physically are almost always emotionally abusive and incapable of providing a healthy environment for children. There's also a chance that without you there to abuse physically, that may be turned on the kids.

 

I don't know the circumstances of how they got you to sign over custody or how iron-clad that agreement is, but I urge you to seek out a lawyer who can help you get custody. Even if you can't get full custody, you may be able to get partial. That way you could at least check up on them and alert social services if you suspect anything.

 

Best wishes to you.

[crazy_grl]

Sno I appreciate you sharing your story and it's a good thing you're alive, you would have been dead if you stay. Sadly I love my g/f to pieces, would never think of hurting her, while been a long ago I became her punching bag whenever she vents out her anger and frustration. I wanna break up with her already but then again I love her, I don't think I can.

 

It must be really hard for you. *hug* Has your gf given and indication that she's willing to work to change?

[whatwentwrong19]

It must be really hard for you. *hug* Has your gf given and indication that she's willing to work to change?

 

It is hard as I don't tell anyone about this and certainly not my friends (I don't think they're believe me, they're probably end up laughing). When it happens she just states that it's either my fault and should have known better and get out of the way or not that she was just drunk. She does however, act different around everyone else even my family (they must be thinking she's a sweet angel).

I did told her about it and she just got defensive and started explaining how stress causes you to act in certainly ways you try not to and how a couple of drinks won't harm, that she's not an alcoholic (when in fact she is). She stated that sometimes hitting is the way one listens, else nothing works.

 

[selenakitten]

Selenakitten, I'm sorry you went through that, but I'm glad you're out of it now. *hugs* How long ago was this? Have you gone to counseling.

 

This might be a sensitive subject for you, but my concern is for the kids who are still in the situation. The reason is that people who are abusive physically are almost always emotionally abusive and incapable of providing a healthy environment for children. There's also a chance that without you there to abuse physically, that may be turned on the kids.

 

I don't know the circumstances of how they got you to sign over custody or how iron-clad that agreement is, but I urge you to seek out a lawyer who can help you get custody. Even if you can't get full custody, you may be able to get partial. That way you could at least check up on them and alert social services if you suspect anything.

 

Best wishes to you.

this has been about 8 years ago. I have been remarried for 6 years now. They stay at his mother's house next door. I see them on occasions and they are being took care of. They are so smart to! One is 14 and the other is12. I became best friend's with his 2nd ex wife (he didn't hit her but once-just verbal stuff) and she saw the insides over there when i left. They aren't being abused in any ways. Thank GOD!!

Thanks for the hugs btw!!!