random depression and loneliness

[bonny doon]

hi everyone. I read LS a lot, and it really helps to clarify relationship stuff for me, but i've been single for a little while now and i'm starting to get very lonely, it comes and goes, but it's strange how it's hard transitioning to single phase. getting used to zero or very little physical affection (i don't count hugs between me & my girlfriends) and no one really to talk to on a daily or every other day basis like you do with people you are dating.

 

i also have a lot of other stuff going on with my life (multiple activities and interests, pursuits, hobbies, sports, on top of work and general "life" stuff like paying the car insurance, etc.) ...

 

it causes me almost daily anxiety attacks where my heart is pounding so hard i can't hear anything but the blood in my cranium. i've considered antidepressants or lower-blood pressure drugs, but haven't done anything yet.

 

my friend who is more of a homebody (not like me) says that i'm doing too much, i'm overextending myself to the point where i get these anxiety attacks that are coupled with insomnia (worst demon of mine, i've become anxious about getting enough sleep and that adds to my insomnia and anxiety).

 

anyway, since i'm so active i wouldn't consider myself clinically depressed (i'm still doing ten billion things every day) but i would consider myself to be moody and depressed in general. like it IS hard to get out of bed in the morning, my mind is racing, i feel so worthless and terrible. once i'm out of bed and on my way it's much better.

 

but at night it's hard to fall asleep. not only am i freaking out about life but i also want someone to hold/cuddle and be romantic with. it's hard feeling lonely. i just moved to a new place and i have some friends, and i meet people when i am out and about, but i guess i'm still lonely lonely lonely. a few weeks ago i was desperate lonely and fortunately it's gotten better.

 

anyway, thanks so much for listening. sometimes i feel so hopeless.

[bonny doon]

i kind of feel lost too. and a lot of the time i'm bitter about how i think i'm a really cool person, and who wouldn't want to date me? i don't convey this of course to people that i meet, i'm just venting... please someone tell me this is normal and i'm just being frustrated and impatient for no reason.

[magichands]

i kind of feel lost too. and a lot of the time i'm bitter about how i think i'm a really cool person, and who wouldn't want to date me?

 

I'm not so convinced that you would ask yourself out.

 

i don't convey this of course to people that i meet, i'm just venting... please someone tell me this is normal and i'm just being frustrated and impatient for no reason.

 

You may well be conveying it in body language. Being frustrated and impatient is hard to hide.

 

Hmmm... relax and try to enjoy life a little.

[Guest]

hi everyone. i read LS a lot, and it really helps to clarify relationship stuff for me, but i've been single for a little while now and i'm starting to get very lonely, it comes and goes, but it's strange how it's hard transitioning to single phase. getting used to zero or very little physical affection (i don't count hugs between me & my girlfriends) and no one really to talk to on a daily or every other day basis like you do with people you are dating.

 

i also have a lot of other stuff going on with my life (multiple activities and interests, pursuits, hobbies, sports, on top of work and general "life" stuff like paying the car insurance, etc.) ...

 

it causes me almost daily anxiety attacks where my heart is pounding so hard i can't hear anything but the blood in my cranium. i've considered antidepressants or lower-blood pressure drugs, but haven't done anything yet.

 

my friend who is more of a homebody (not like me) says that i'm doing too much, i'm overextending myself to the point where i get these anxiety attacks that are coupled with insomnia (worst demon of mine, i've become anxious about getting enough sleep and that adds to my insomnia and anxiety).

 

anyway, since i'm so active i wouldn't consider myself clinically depressed (i'm still doing ten billion things every day) but i would consider myself to be moody and depressed in general. like it IS hard to get out of bed in the morning, my mind is racing, i feel so worthless and terrible. once i'm out of bed and on my way it's much better.

 

but at night it's hard to fall asleep. not only am i freaking out about life but i also want someone to hold/cuddle and be romantic with. it's hard feeling lonely. i just moved to a new place and i have some friends, and i meet people when i am out and about, but i guess i'm still lonely lonely lonely. a few weeks ago i was desperate lonely and fortunately it's gotten better.

 

anyway, thanks so much for listening. sometimes i feel so hopeless.

 

 

I remember breaking up with someone I'd been with for a couple of years (we'd lived together)

 

Even though the breakup was needed, I was VERY lonely afterwards. Even when I went out with my best girlfriends, I'd feel sad.

 

It's a big adjustment, going from having a partner to being single.

 

I think you're in the grieving process.

 

I had to keep myself constantly busy too, just to stop the feelings of sadness and anxiety.

 

I remember thinking "Oh my God, I'm thirty. And I'm starting all over again."

I had a little mini panic attack one afternoon.

 

I mean, people start over all the time. But when it's YOU and YOUR LIFE, it sometimes seems overwhelming. We invest so much time and energy into a relationship and when it fails, I think we question our judgement for a while.

 

There's a lot of soul searching and self doubt that can come into play.

 

I think your feelings are perfectly natural. You do need to try and get sleep; if you can't ask your doctor for a short-term sleep aid.

 

You may start feeling better simply by accepting that there is a grief process and if it's allowed to flow, you will move past it.

 

If you are still desperately sad in six months, you may want to consider some talk therapy to help you move past this stage

[bonny doon]

THanks for your kind words. I'm glad to know I'm not alone here. Thank you so much... I, too, am getting stronger each day (hopefully!!!). Although sometimes I think I am just plain crazy.