unsafe Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 My guys best friend who is a girl and she is driving us nuts. We can't do anything without her , and her getting her feelings hurt. They have been good friends for three years but he never had a girlfriend during that time either. She called me telling me I was taking her best friend and that she thinks I have been telling him things like to stay away from her when I haven't. He told her things change when he has a girlfriend. She just doesn't understand. We thought she was over it and now he and I are going away with my friends for a weekend and it has started up again. She hates that we spend our time bonding together or having sex. Or going out with my friends. I just don't know what to do? I told him its driving me crazy and he said he was sorry and he would talk to her and tell her to stop calling me about it. He said he could only imgaine how its making me feel. So I believe i have a great guy who is sticking up for me. But how long must this go on before she finally just adjust to him having a girlfriend and lets us all get along? Anyway advice?????? Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 The sad thing is, he may can tell her nicely to leave you all alone, and then it might have to just get ugly if she doesn't get the hint by being nice. Yes she is jealous of your relationship with him since they were friends before, but she needs to get some other friends and a b/f of her own. Until that happens then shes probably more apt to keep bothering you all, until he tells her like it is. If he is the b/f you say he is, then hopefully he will tell her how he feels and mean what he says. Maybe shes not taking him seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
Author unsafe Posted July 11, 2006 Author Share Posted July 11, 2006 No she is taking him seriously she just doesn't want it to be true. She is engaged to be married. Has been with a man for 7 years. I don't know when this madness will end. When she will finally give up. Before or after she drives us both insane? I try not to let her get to me but its very hard. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 No she is taking him seriously she just doesn't want it to be true. She is engaged to be married. Has been with a man for 7 years. I don't know when this madness will end. When she will finally give up. Before or after she drives us both insane? I try not to let her get to me but its very hard. It will end as I said earlier, when your b/f ends it himself. He might have to get ugly with her to get his point across. If that still doesn't work, a restraining order might be best for harrassment. If he doesn't end it by saying something to her in a more effective manner, then perhaps he enjoys the attention that he gets from her jealousy. Link to post Share on other sites
clandestinidad Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 I've experienced a similar situation with a guy I dated and his long-term friend. She was pissed, and caused a lot of tension. She swore that she didnt have feelings of a romantic sort for him. It took me a while to figure it out. I kept thinking, "if you dont have romantic feelings for him then why are you upset??" The problem she was having was this: she held the monopoly on his time and attention. Whenever she needed to talk, he was there. When she needed a ride, he was there. When she needed something to eat, he'd get it for her. When she needed anything, she turned to him. When his time and attention wasnt spent only on her anymore, she felt like she had lost it all. Her blind selfishness ruled their relationship, and when he wasnt answering her requests she felt uncared for and tossed aside. It sounds like your boyfriend's friend is similar. She's used to having him all to herself, she's incredibly selfish, and cannot stand it that he's focused on someone else. One of the sad things about this is that her fiance is supposed to be her support, and isnt fulfilling that need for her. I think if your boyfriend and she can discuss the deeper issue, she'll realize what her problem is and stop acting this way. ...I'll write more later.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author unsafe Posted July 11, 2006 Author Share Posted July 11, 2006 I totally agree with you. And I have talked to her about it. Saying her and her fiance need to fix those issues or not get married. I sorta feel like she would rather be marrying my boyfriend. Which scares the hell out of me, Since I am in her wedding. I have become friends with her and now that he and I are getting serious she doesn't like it. She always wanted a good girl for him but now in reality she doesn't. she wants him all for herself. But I have told her, her best friend should be her fiance. She agrees, but can't help it. And its partly his fault for giving her so much when she wasn't his girlfriend. I think the fiance should be talked to, but who should be reasonsible for that. And it will get back to her and just make a bigger mess of things. She is extremely selfish. You would think she would see her best friend happy as can be has been in so long and be happy for him. Yes she misses him, but let him have his happiness. But she isn't, she is just causing grief. She says things and then takes them back. She gets upset and then snapps out of it. But when she keeps going back and forth its hard and is playing a huge toll on me. I feel stressed, I have axiety and its my own fault how I feel, but I just want to be able to be happy and move forward with my boyfriend. I don't want him stressed out as much as I don't want to be stressed out. Hopefully in time she will calm down. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 You boyfriend needs to set the boundaries with her. And to tell her if she continues to cross the boundaries, that they will have to stop all contact for while, until she can better control herself. And then he needs to stick to his word. Link to post Share on other sites
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