Can others tell me what steps they took to leave their abusive husbands did you

[brenda829]

I really hope I did not affend anyone on here but I am beginning to wonder if you have all given up on me:(

I feel so alone right now and very lost. It would be nice to see someone on here..........

[Becoming]

Our Father can only do so much, sweetie. You've got to step out in faith. Make the call tomorrow.

 

If you've not done anything to harm your daughter, you have nothing to fear. Fear is what's holding you back, but God has not given you a spirit of fear. Instead, you were given a spirit of power and love and self-discipline to act in accord with what's right. Quit believing all the lies fear wants you to believe so you're paralyzed and take the steps toward good. God will meet you there.

[Outcast]

You absolutely can do this, Brenda. The more you think about it, the scarier it seems. Just do it. Pick up the ol' phone, dial, and say hello. Nothing easier.

[SoleMate]

Brenda, I will NEVER give up on you and helping you and your daughter. I just don't get onto LS that often. Craig has done some very nice research and gotten you specific, local resources. You have been living in fear too long. Please go talk to or see some IRL resources!!!!

[brenda829]

ok that is just what I am going to do tomorrow I am going to put my foot down and ask where I can attend some meeting so I can see how I can relate with all the others and hopefully this will stir me in the right direction:)

[Becoming]

I'm going to say something that might sting and it might not be true, so take it for what it's worth.

 

It seems you are wanting someone to come and rescue you, like only if you find someone else can you leave this guy. Of course we all need others, and abuse isolates us from others. I'm not saying it's a bad thing to seek out others. Just don't expect them to do the work you need to do for yourself, ok? Needing support is one thing, but a dependent need to be rescued/taken care of because you feel too weak and little to do it for yourself is what could have gotten to the place you're in.

 

There are lots of people who'll support you, but no one but the Divine Spirit can rescue you by filling you with the strength to do what you need to do to take care of yourself and your daughter at this time.

 

Sure, go to any support groups the domestic violence shelter or Al-Anon has ASAP. You need real-life support, no doubt about that; it'll make it easier. But you need to act for yourself in order to not be enslaved by the fear that's keeping you in a bad place.

 

Start by just getting the info you need. HAVE YOU CALLED THE NUMBERS CRAIG FOUND FOR YOU?

 

You don't deserve to be alone and abused. So step out. The only one keeping you there is YOU.

[brenda829]

You got that right, but I am not going to agree with you about the part of me wanting someone to rescue me. I am looking for a way out right, and I was hoping to find suggestions from others here who walked out of bad realtionships, how did they do it is my suggestion,example were they saving money or how did they get movers to move them out while the husband was away, suggestions such as this I am seeking. I am not a very well organized person and don't want to make a bad move(turn).

I did call the numbers that craig gave me, I have a meeting tomorrow with a counseller isn't that a step? It was a really big step for me..........but I do plan on following through

[Becoming]

My profound apologies. The last thing you needed was someone tearing you down, and I didn't want to do that. It was just something that might get in the way of you moving forward that may account for why others read panic in you. Please forgive. :o Use adrenaline from any justified anger toward me to get yourself going.

 

Good for you. I brought out the bunnies for you on other thread, but here are some more! :bunny: :bunny: :bunny:

 

And good for you for clarifying what you need--real practical help with moving for those who have left.

 

So how 'bout it? Those of you who've left?

 

I know one thing would be to arrange to get your mail sent somewhere else. And a bank account in your own name that he can't touch. You can start squirreling away money there bit by bit if you haven't already done that.

[Craig]

Brenda, I am soooooo happy that you made the call and have an appointment. :bunny: :bunny: :bunny: :bunny:

 

Now remember you have a virtual fan club here cheering you on, we are all wanting to see your daughter and you have a better life. Anytime you feel the need to vent or talk, just post on here and there will be someone posting back to you.

 

Best wishes, all the best and you go girl!!

[Outcast]

I got out by reading up on safety plans, making one, and following it. It was EXTREMELY helpful because it reminded me to do some things I might not have thought of due to the stress of the situation.

 

I also talked to a dv counsellor who explained why these guys can't be fixed and helped just because they are cared about.

[brenda829]

Hi everyone I am updating, I am sorry to say I went to my appointment, but I soon chickened out and did not follow through, I am sorry for being a disappointment:(

[Outcast]

Brenda, this is NOT about you. This is about your child, who you may lose to kidnapping or in the worst case death if you do not do these things. Stop being a chicken in the short term because your imaginary fears are nothing compared to what will really happen if you don't follow through with getting out.

 

Do you get that?

[The slayer]

Brenda honey, you really do need to take some action here.

 

I know it is hard to take contol and leave and I know that you are very scared of how you will manage once you have left, but the longer you stay the more likely it is that some of the worst case scenarios you imagine may happen.

 

People here can only support you. Only you can make it happen, get back on the phone and see it through this time, people in your area who deal with situations like yours all the time wll be able to help you.

[Craig]

Brenda, you made the call and set up an appointment that's a good first step but you need to follow through and I believe you will. Believe me you aren't the first and you won't be the last person to "chicken out" at the last moment. They see it all the time at family centres like the one you were set up to go to. No one is going to hold it against you for not showing.

 

Now the important thing is that you make another call and then show up for that appointment. Trust me on this, that first meeting is going to be a huge relief for you in ways you can't even imagine. I want you to make that call again, set up another appointment and then come back here and tell us how it went.

 

If you need some courage, just think about your daughter and what is best for her.

 

Best wishes,

 

Craig