Tony T Posted December 2, 2001 Share Posted December 2, 2001 Marcus: You have got a LOT to learn. I hope the ladies respond to your post and help you out. Giving gifts to ladies you don't know very well is pathetic and suggestive of a guy who is desperate and with very low self esteem. Link to post Share on other sites
Marcus Posted December 2, 2001 Share Posted December 2, 2001 Maybe that's what it suggests, but for me I know it's not true. just who i am, i guess. Marcus: You have got a LOT to learn. I hope the ladies respond to your post and help you out. Giving gifts to ladies you don't know very well is pathetic and suggestive of a guy who is desperate and with very low self esteem. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tony T Posted December 2, 2001 Author Share Posted December 2, 2001 It has nothing to do with what you know about yourself. Everything in life is a matter of perception. Women perceive men who lavish gifts upon them, particularly when they don't know them very well or have recently met them, as desperate, weak, and without confidence. Many also feel an attempt is being made to buy their affection. Every person creates his or her own reality based on their perception of the subject. So if you're wanting to know how you look from another view, you need to listen to that other view. You did the right thing by posting here and I can't wait for the ladies to tell you just how sad your giving habit may appear to others...even though in reality you may be a highly confident, self assured guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Marcus Posted December 2, 2001 Share Posted December 2, 2001 Well, you are right about that. I am very confident and I just love giving things-even to total strangers that I will never see again. About the girl I gave stuff to recently, is there anyway to change that perception that I may have given her? Thanks for your replies, Tony. I may have made one "mistake" if I look @ it all from her view, which I guess is what you are saying I should do. think there's any way to turn things around? It has nothing to do with what you know about yourself. Everything in life is a matter of perception. Women perceive men who lavish gifts upon them, particularly when they don't know them very well or have recently met them, as desperate, weak, and without confidence. Many also feel an attempt is being made to buy their affection. Every person creates his or her own reality based on their perception of the subject. So if you're wanting to know how you look from another view, you need to listen to that other view. You did the right thing by posting here and I can't wait for the ladies to tell you just how sad your giving habit may appear to others...even though in reality you may be a highly confident, self assured guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tony T Posted December 2, 2001 Author Share Posted December 2, 2001 Don't call her for a while, don't write her, no email, avoid seeing her in person...no contact at all. In a couple of weeks, give her a call but don't ask her out. Just see how she's been doing. If she suggests getting together, tell her you've got some real busy days but you will call her when things slack off. Make yourself scarse in her life for a while. Then, very gradually, re-enter her life. Don't even care if some other guy comes along. No big deal, he won't be there forever. In general, when it comes to dealing with females you are interested in, do not be overgenerous...especially at first, do not be predictable, do not be too nice, do not contact them too often...just don't give them the perception that they are the only person in your life. Guys who give a lot of gifts and are way too nice, especially in the beginning, turn females off, often scare them, make them think the guy is sick, pathetic, desperate, etc. You can turn this around but the damage you did was serious and it may take you a while. Meantime, go look for another gal you like and start things off the right way. Take some time to meditate tomorrow...use the whole day if necessary...and go into your head to see why you enjoy giving so much. Are you expecting things in return? Are you wanting to be loved? People don't just give gifts to people, including strangers, for no reason at all. You can be committed to an institution for that because it's insane. There's got to be a reason for this bizarre behavior and you've got to get to the bottom of it. To most people out there, it just doesn't appear to be normal...even though you may be just a wonderfully generous guy. Link to post Share on other sites
marcus Posted December 2, 2001 Share Posted December 2, 2001 great advice, tony. thanks. actually, she's going on a little trip, so I won't see her for a while anyway. do you think maybe this saved me a little: when I gave her the early christmas presents (since she is going on a trip)-they were things you can use in the home- i also gave her a card. i know she used to have a live-in boyfriend but that they broke up several months ago. Well, in the card, I just acted like I thought she was still with someone. I said "I really hope you and your boyfriend like this." Really, I know she doesn't have a boyfriend any longer, but I thought that might prevent me from looking like I was really hitting on her. so, i am going to take your advice, but do you think my little note in the card helped any? my (femaled) friend who is sitting here w/ me said that one line may have saved me from eternal damnation (joking, of course) because this girl probably won't think i'm coming on too strong if I say things like "I hope your boyfriend likes the gift, too." thanks again for your advice. you are great. Don't call her for a while, don't write her, no email, avoid seeing her in person...no contact at all. In a couple of weeks, give her a call but don't ask her out. Just see how she's been doing. If she suggests getting together, tell her you've got some real busy days but you will call her when things slack off. Make yourself scarse in her life for a while. Then, very gradually, re-enter her life. Don't even care if some other guy comes along. No big deal, he won't be there forever. In general, when it comes to dealing with females you are interested in, do not be overgenerous...especially at first, do not be predictable, do not be too nice, do not contact them too often...just don't give them the perception that they are the only person in your life. Guys who give a lot of gifts and are way too nice, especially in the beginning, turn females off, often scare them, make them think the guy is sick, pathetic, desperate, etc. You can turn this around but the damage you did was serious and it may take you a while. Meantime, go look for another gal you like and start things off the right way. Take some time to meditate tomorrow...use the whole day if necessary...and go into your head to see why you enjoy giving so much. Are you expecting things in return? Are you wanting to be loved? People don't just give gifts to people, including strangers, for no reason at all. You can be committed to an institution for that because it's insane. There's got to be a reason for this bizarre behavior and you've got to get to the bottom of it. To most people out there, it just doesn't appear to be normal...even though you may be just a wonderfully generous guy. Link to post Share on other sites
? Posted December 2, 2001 Share Posted December 2, 2001 I'm a girl and i can tell you for sure - overly nice guys, who go as far as expensive gifts before they even know u well, are a turn-off. Give to charity if u like. Give candy to kids in the street. But dont do that to girls u wanna date. Make the wait and want a gift from u very much before u give it. Listen to tony bud. With this girl - it's good she's going away, but that doesn't replace the fact that u shd disappear from her horizon for a while. even after she comes back from the trip. why are you so generous with gifts anyway? get a pet & be generous to him/her maybe?? do u not have enough family/friends to give your affection to? Good luck! Hi, Ladies. I like to give gifts-not just to women but to everybody, even if I don't know them very well. I just feel like it's a good thing to do. One of my guy friends tells me that I'm hurting my chances with women though by giving them so many nice gifts so early on-he said it makes them lose interest. what do you ladies think? I mean-I did give some gifts to a nice girl that I don't know very well. But, I wasn't trying to buy her or anything, I just thought it would be a nice thing to do. Ladies, if a guy you were casual friends with gave you a lot of expensive gifts, would that turn you off? I don't really care, because I'm going to continue to be myself (which means giving to people and charity), but I was just curious. My guy friend said now I should ignore her so it doesn't look like I'm coming on too strong, but I am not going to play games. I hope you all have a great Christmas! Thanks, Marcus Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tony T Posted December 2, 2001 Author Share Posted December 2, 2001 Unfortunately, your note made you look even worse. Guys just don't give a lot of gifts to ladies they just met who have boyfriends. Further, you are interested in her romantically but this note will surely indicate to her that you are NOT since you are willing to readily involve yourself in a friendship with a female who has a boyfriend. She cannot take you seriously in anything other than a platonic friendship at this point. You have buried yourself deep in crap. Follow my directions and start thinking your actions out in detail before you act. Either use this forum or find a good friend who is socially astute and run things by us or the friend you choose before you do more crazy stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
marcus Posted December 2, 2001 Share Posted December 2, 2001 No! That's a good thing, tony. i want to indicate to her that i'm not interested romantically. i mean, i like her a lot and i want her to know that i really care, but i was afraid that my gifts would make it look like i was hitting on her big time when i really just want a casual friendly relationship. so, if that's what you think the letter indicated, then that's great! normally, i might be interested in her 'cause she's pretty and funny and stuff-but she flirts way too much for me. Thank God I didn't do what I did with someone I really liked, though. In the future I'll take your advice! Thanks for your help! Unfortunately, your note made you look even worse. Guys just don't give a lot of gifts to ladies they just met who have boyfriends. Further, you are interested in her romantically but this note will surely indicate to her that you are NOT since you are willing to readily involve yourself in a friendship with a female who has a boyfriend. She cannot take you seriously in anything other than a platonic friendship at this point. You have buried yourself deep in crap. Follow my directions and start thinking your actions out in detail before you act. Either use this forum or find a good friend who is socially astute and run things by us or the friend you choose before you do more crazy stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tony T Posted December 2, 2001 Author Share Posted December 2, 2001 Sorry I didn't make the point clear. This girl probably thinks you WERE hitting on her. Don't twist up what I say to fit what you want to hear. Whether you want a friendship or a romance with this lady, you did WRONG. People who are seeking friends or romance don't shower their interest with gifts, etc. right off the bat. Back off for a while. Are you feeling OK? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tony T Posted December 2, 2001 Author Share Posted December 2, 2001 He erased his original post. Why in the world would he care if the world saw it? He certainly isn't the only person who goes by the name Marcus. Oh, well. He's probably going out to buy presents for more strangers...in the night! Link to post Share on other sites
Marcus Posted December 2, 2001 Share Posted December 2, 2001 Hey, Tony. No, you didn't embarrass me, I just thought it would be polite if I didn't crowd the message board. Not used to these sites, so I don't really know what's best for other readers. And no, (laughing) I'm not out buying presents for anyone. Trust me, I have learned my lesson. I just feel like a fool for this incident and really hope that I can fix it by following your advice. I really want to be friends with this girl but I don't even know if I'll be able to look her in the eyes when I see her again 'cause I know she'll be thinking that I want her. ugh. He erased his original post. Why in the world would he care if the world saw it? He certainly isn't the only person who goes by the name Marcus. Oh, well. He's probably going out to buy presents for more strangers...in the night! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts