Guest Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 My boyfriend and I have been together for eight months. It has been very good, in fact, lately, it has been terrific! We spend a lot of time together, and this weekend we just stayed at my house and vegged out. Grilled out, watched movies, danced in the living room! Very romantic. I even told him that I have never felt closer to anyone before. Backtrack to a few weeks ago......he listened to my home messages and quizzed me on one from a client.....I was a little surprised that he did that, but I had nothing to hide, and blew it off. Oh, and he is also very paranoid about my past relationships--he doesn't want me to have any contact with the man that I lived with for four years, even though it has been over for three years. Out of respect for him and his feelings I honor that request. Although, I am so happy with our relationship, I don't need anything else. We are constantly telling each other how much we love each other, how great everything is...... I NEVER SAW THIS COMING!!! This morning I listened to his messages, he had one saved from this past Friday morning! From his ex--that broke up with him this past summer, although, I think it died slowly in the months leading up to us meeting. (When we met he told me how this woman destroyed him.) This message from him went on and on about how much he meant to her, how much she still loved him, how she always looks for him--but never sees him. She was crying and saying how she shakes when she thinks that she spots him... They live in the same neighborhood! It was obvious that they had not been together, BUT THEY HAD SPOKEN!! She said that she knew he did not mean the horrible things that he said to her out of anger. Well, I asked him about it tonight and he hedged at first but then told me the following.....He saw her at the begining of last week with her new boyfriend, and she had crushed his heart so badly in the past that he called her up and screamed nasty things at her! Then on Thursday he called to apologize for his behavior...That is where her call came into to play the next day....she still loves him,,,etc.... Well, if he moved on with me, why was his reaction so violent towards her. Am I being played for a fool? Why would he even save that message? He said it was nice to hear that from her, but he is so in love with me, he would never jepodize us, blah. blah.blah. Any comments or suggestions would help. I feel very emotionally betrayed. I am sick to my stomach over this. He talks about us moving in together and marraige, and I was starting to think about this, but right now---I am afraid that he still wants her.He promised to tell me if she called again, and let me listen to the messages--but how do I trust this. I would have neverr know about it if I didn't invade his privacy! I feel like a heel for that, but l am so scared now. Advice please!! Link to post Share on other sites
john2776 Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 Id give him the benefit of the doubt on this one. Sounds as though he hasn't got closure yet his his ex, which isn't good. Hang in there, but don't take the relationship to the next step just yet. As far as I can tell he hasn't lied or cheated, you are just uncomfortable with the situation, which is fair enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 Id give him the benefit of the doubt on this one. Sounds as though he hasn't got closure yet his his ex, which isn't good. Hang in there, but don't take the relationship to the next step just yet. As far as I can tell he hasn't lied or cheated, you are just uncomfortable with the situation, which is fair enough. Thanks for your advice! I know in my head that I have to let this go, but, I still just feel so betrayed. After this past weekend, I thought we had gotten to an even better place, and then I find this out! It is like everything that we said and did is a lie! How can he say he loves me so much, I am his heartbeat, blah,blah, blah, and then have this type of interaction with his past! Link to post Share on other sites
clandestinidad Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 I agree w/ you.....if someone was totally over their ex, they wouldnt care at all if they were with someone new. I could see if someone feels a little sad when they reflect on how things didnt work out, and how hurt they were.....but to feel SO strongly and be angry that they're with someone else seems strange, unless there's still something still lingering or unresolved. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 I agree w/ you.....if someone was totally over their ex, they wouldnt care at all if they were with someone new. I could see if someone feels a little sad when they reflect on how things didnt work out, and how hurt they were.....but to feel SO strongly and be angry that they're with someone else seems strange, unless there's still something still lingering or unresolved. Thanks kat, The thing about his ex is that she left him for another man--well, when my bf saw her, she was with someone else. The person she left him for is no longer with her. Still......It was just too much. I wish I had never found out! Link to post Share on other sites
purspeed Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 You were not betrayed, you just didn't assess the situation correctly in the first place. This is not your honeymoon period, this is his rebound period. His reality is asserting itself on you now. Too many unknowns to give you good advice. Link to post Share on other sites
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