In a relationship, how do you feel about:

[Guest]

Hi- feel free to answer all or some of these questions...

 

If you are in a relationship (living with or not) how do you honestly feel about the following:

 

Your SO being on myspace?

Your SO going out without you to bars drinking with friends?

Your SO going to house get togethers with members of the opposite sex included playing drinking games until late night (1:00am-4:00am)?

 

I'm just interested in what the majority of people truly feel towards these situations.

 

Thanks everyone who responds!!!

[Sally00]

Your SO being on myspace?

HAHA. I know myspace is more like "myslut". But if you trust your guy, you shouldn't worry about it. I personally don't have one and never will... my boyfriend feels the exact same.

 

Your SO going out without you to bars drinking with friends?

I don't like him drinking. He knows this and totally respects me. So I wouldn't like him to go to bars period. With or without me.

 

Your SO going to house get togethers with members of the opposite sex included playing drinking games until late night (1:00am-4:00am)?

Again, drinking... no. And the opposite sex... well he can have female friends for all I care. My boyfriend has a lot, but I trust him. He's devoted to me and won't do anything to ruin this relationship... especially after trying for over a year to get me.

 

 

 

Hmm... it sounds like your guy has a myspace and is meeting these girls and getting drunk. That does NOT sound good to me. You seriously need to let him know how you feel about this. Communication is important.

[Guest]

Well, i think you took it all and wrapped it into one big mess. He is going to get a myspace but it's mainly because all his band members and friends are on there. We have already discussed the girl issue and he already told me he wont meet girls on there or even except girls as friends if he doesnt know them.

 

Also, my bf has always been a guy who likes to go out and drink and be with friends. He is also a night owl. None of what he does is excessive but he just does this stuff sometimes. He was after me for 2 years, but even before that he was never that type of guy that would go and try to meet girls or hook up with them. He doesnt care much about that and never has.

 

I am only asking because some of it does make me a little insecure etc and i wanted to see if there are people out there in similar situations to me, and i also like replies like your also, i am just trying to see where i stand and am interested in others as well.

 

Thanks a bunch!

[tearful_soul22]

1. I really really dislike myspace..so many people have problems with this and if you see some of the thread then you know what i mean. It is my personal choice not to ever have one.

2. Since i am still on NC..i have no S/O to rut about drinking, lol! but in the even that i do, it's his choice if he wants to engage in that activity as long as he goes home to his house not mine after that. It's a matter of "free-will" and only he can be held accountable for his own actions.

3. Drinking is part of that social interaction, i guess..so once again if he choose to, that's up to him. I wouldn't control his behavior just as long as he is aware of the boundaries/limits set forth in the relationship with me. The same applies with having female friends.

It's best to let the person know how you truly feel about these issues before commiting to a relationship. It's best to be honest about everything to avoid serious mistakes, later on.

[Walk]

Your SO being on myspace?

Your SO going out without you to bars drinking with friends?

Your SO going to house get togethers with members of the opposite sex included playing drinking games until late night (1:00am-4:00am)?

 

1.) Myspace: I wouldn't care, but it's because of the type of man my bf is. If I were talking about my ex, then it would bug me. I only trusted him so far, and he was the type who could be swayed to stray.

 

2.) Bars: I don't have a problem with it. I ask that my SO call me if he gets to drunk to drive. I don't want him hurting himself or others.

 

3.) Opposite sex: I would be severly uneasy about this. No amount of reassurance from him would ever make me comfortable about it. I just think you're tempting the devil far too much on this one.

 

I think it really comes down to how much do you trust your SO. For me, I trust him. I believe, to the core of my being, that my SO will not cheat on me. His actions, words, behavior around others, his past, and friends, all support my belief in this. My ex was different though... I didn't feel under normal circumstances that he would cheat, but enter alcohol and the wrong situation... I wasn't so sure. His words said he wouldn't, but past action had shown that he wasn't going to turn a girl down if she gave him her number, and I would find out that he was telling his friends certain female "friends" were sexy or hot. Didn't really inspire complete trust in me. So what I'm fine with my current bf doing, I would've been severly uneasy with the ex doing.

[ash8752]

Ok, i have trust issues. I am insecure and i am about to start working on these with a professional.

 

my bf wants to open a myspace back up because of old friends etc and stuff like that. At first i freaked but then i realized something that may help answer all your questions:

 

If you SO is going to cheat, stray, flirt etc they will do this with or with out myspace, with or with out parties. Yes, it gives more options to do so but if your SO truly loves you these things just wont happen. If they do cheat then it obviously wasnt meant to be. There is no such thing as a relationship without unconditional trust! That means that for example: my bf could be at a party taking shots and all his ex's could be there and there could be half naked girls throwing themselves at him and I need to trust he will make the right decision! Yes, that example is extreme and I would HATE that situation, but the bottom line is trust!

[Sally00]

I didn't know what situation you were in. I didn't know what to assume. But I just thought I'd give ya some advice. I understand now. You just want to hear other people's opinions. Sorry if I assumed too much!

 

I hope all goes well.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Your SO being on myspace?

 

What's myspace … a forum or something ???

 

I frequent this site (only) … and my partner frequents a woodworking forum thick with testosterone and boring rants about table saws and dust-collection systems. All fairly innocent.

 

However, if either one of us had some come hither profile on a Meet-N-Greet site … it would be a deal-breaker for both of us.

 

Your SO going out without you to bars drinking with friends?

 

We're not into that scene. Got a full sized bar at home we just look at and hardly use. We prefer hosting casual get togethers at our place, or dinners and barbeques at friends' houses.

 

We're actually quite boring, but rather content with our peaceful lives.

 

 

Your SO going to house get togethers with members of the opposite sex included playing drinking games until late night (1:00am-4:00am)?

 

Wow. Sounds like a frat party!

 

We've outgrown that kinda stuff. It even seems rather silly now when you look back on those times. Can't believe I even managed to survive it without having to enter a rehab!

 

However, I think it's fair to say that if either one of us suddenly regressed back to that stage, the other might have us committed for a full mental evaluation. I couldn't imagine entering into a relationship with an adult only to wake up one day and discover I was raising another teenager all over again.

 

My partner … girls-gone-wild is fun on television (so long as it isn't your daughter) … but I don't think he'd ever tolerate that kind of behavior from me. He'd have no qualms about pitching my butt right out the door.

[basscatcher]

I'm not in a relationship currently but I've had my share of them.

 

Your SO being on myspace?

If he keeps it private then I would have a problem with it. There should be nothing to hide if he's not doing anything wrong.

Your SO going out without you to bars drinking with friends?

Depends on his friends, where they are going and how often and reasons why. I believe on special occasions its fine but if its a "FOR MEN ONLY" event then I'd be concerned that they are up to no good. There has to be some respect for the other person and their feelings in a relationship. Its out of respect.

Your SO going to house get togethers with members of the opposite sex included playing drinking games until late night (1:00am-4:00am)?

If he's doing it without me and doesn't invite me then No way. Thats looking for trouble. Once again its about respect.

 

When alcohol and single attractive opposite sex people are available then its like walking barefoot on glass.

I wouldn't frequent bars without my man very often, I wouldn't go to drinking party's without my man if there were going to be other men there without mine.

[Computer]

Ok, i have trust issues. I am insecure and i am about to start working on these with a professional.

 

my bf wants to open a myspace back up because of old friends etc and stuff like that. At first i freaked but then i realized something that may help answer all your questions:

 

If you SO is going to cheat, stray, flirt etc they will do this with or with out myspace, with or with out parties. Yes, it gives more options to do so but if your SO truly loves you these things just wont happen. If they do cheat then it obviously wasnt meant to be. There is no such thing as a relationship without unconditional trust! That means that for example: my bf could be at a party taking shots and all his ex's could be there and there could be half naked girls throwing themselves at him and I need to trust he will make the right decision! Yes, that example is extreme and I would HATE that situation, but the bottom line is trust!

 

ash8752 hit the nail on the head. "Trust" is the key word here. You don't have ANYTHING if you don't have it. Your level of comfort will never reach its peak without it!!!

[basscatcher]

ash8752 hit the nail on the head. "Trust" is the key word here. You don't have ANYTHING if you don't have it. Your level of comfort will never reach its peak without it!!!

 

Its not just trust --- respect for another person is equal to the trust..

 

I think we slip into the familiar 'getting to comfortable' mode and we take the trust for granted.

[ash8752]

Not like people care but my SO did open up him myspace again. I know all his friends on there and yesterday i decided to open one as well. We are in eachothers top spot on the top 8 friends and we both wrote that we are in relationships etc. He wrote a little about me in his about me section too just saying he has a beautiful gf who he loves blah blah blah. Also, when we put pics up he is going to have his main pic be of us. Now, all this doesnt make me feel 100% but i do feel a lot better. I have to get past all my crap. Like i said, if someone else is going to get his attention or make him stray they will do it with or with out myspace.

[Spiderman]

If you are in a relationship (living with or not) how do you honestly feel about the following:

 

Living with my SO in a serious relationship.

 

Your SO being on myspace?

 

Never used Myspace, so unsure as to how it really operates. That said, I trust her, as she does me, so It wouldn't really worry me either way.

 

Your SO going out without you to bars drinking with friends?

 

If this was a regular occurance I'd perhaps start wondering as to why she didn't want me present!?

 

Your SO going to house get togethers with members of the opposite sex included playing drinking games until late night (1:00am-4:00am)?

 

This would make me feel uncomfortable - My view on this is, where there's alcohol in abundance and members of the opposite sex, mischief occurs! I'd expect my SO to have more respect for me, if she still insisted on attending such gatherings, I'd maybe have to reconsider our whole relationship. Have to say though, I've outgrown this kind of stuff!

 

What I can conclude from your questions - I'd say you're quite young and your partner is doing exactly these things - am I right?

 

I would really agree with padameckla - Its not just trust --- respect for another person is equal to the trust..

[My_Other_I]

Everything else's been said already, only one question remains.

Are you invited to the parties, too? If you are and decide not to attend is very different from him not wanting you to be there. In case #2 I would be very concerned.

[Guest]

Everything else's been said already, only one question remains.

Are you invited to the parties, too? If you are and decide not to attend is very different from him not wanting you to be there. In case #2 I would be very concerned.

 

I am always invited. I just sometimes dont feel like going. It tends to be at 2 of his friends houses and these friends have girlfriends. And of course these girlfriends have girlfriends. They sit around and play the game "Ass Hole" and stuff like that. So, yes, I am invited. I just dont like some of these girls. But i can shut him out of his fun life because of that can i? Oh, and I am 24 and he is 28. He just still wants to do his thing. Before we dated he went out ALL the time until late late late! Now, he hardly ever goes out and just wants to once in a while. And he was never the type to try and get girls, even when he was single.

[norajane]

I'd probably laugh if my SO put a profile on myspace, unless there was a business reason. I actually did a Google search this week on a drummer and bassist brother/sister team that we saw playing with Adrian Belew recently, and got a hit for a myspace link and checked it out. It can be perfectly harmless, though it seems to skew very young in age.

 

Bars...if he goes out drinking with his friends, I don't care. He and his softball team go out after their game each week, and it doesn't bother me in the least. I'm not his mommy, nor do I feel threatened that he might be out where there are other women. If he wanted to hit on women, bars aren't the only place where he'd meet them.

 

House parties...he/we are usually the ones who have them (with alcohol), though it's been years since we played drinking games. Our group of friends gravitates toward his place or mine anyway...we welcome them. I wouldn't mind if he went elsewhere, though. Again, if he's going to cheat, there are plenty of opportunities regardless of where he meets them.

[ash8752]

Nora- I totally agree with you on the house party stuff. My bf still does that stuff (in his late 20's) and i had a really hard time dealing with it and sometimes still do. But you're right, if he is going to cheat he will cheat, simple as that. As long as i know i am invited (which i always am) it shouldnt be a huge issue. I'm not him Mom. I'm not his keeper and if i want to spend the rest of my life with him i cant control him and not let him go out and have fun.

[bab]

Hi- feel free to answer all or some of these questions...

 

If you are in a relationship (living with or not) how do you honestly feel about the following:

 

Your SO being on myspace?

Your SO going out without you to bars drinking with friends?

Your SO going to house get togethers with members of the opposite sex included playing drinking games until late night (1:00am-4:00am)?

 

I'm just interested in what the majority of people truly feel towards these situations.

 

Thanks everyone who responds!!!

 

Myspace: No problem at all as long as they are listed as in a relationship.

 

Drinking: No problem at all.

 

Get Togethers: No problem if it was a group. If it was only a him and another girl, well that probably wouldn't fly. Although his last roommate before we moved in together was a girl. Both being drinkers I'm sure there were a couple of nights that they both had some drinks, and I'm not even a little concerned that anything happened between them. Probably people think I'm an idiot to be so trusting, he's that trustworthy.

[milvushina]

1) We have myspace and really like it because you can find so many old friends and acquaintances. I'm sure the husband checks out the cute girls' profiles but that's harmless, I do it too sometimes (not the girls)

 

2) I would be really upset if he ever drove anywhere drunk. Other than that it's fine, but if it was a mixed gender crowd and he specifically didn't want me to go I would get upset (a weird scenario, I don't think that would happen)

 

3) I agree with a previous post that this is something we've outgrown, but I do have an ex who still does this sort of stuff at 28. But maybe every once in a while I feel like staying out real late with some friends who who don't get off work until midnight, then I think it would be fine as long as other girls were around too. So I'd be most comfortable if he agreed but it's never come up.

 

Sorry I know it's off subject but...Am I the only person who's never been tempted to screw someone just because I was drunk? I hate drunk sex and I've never feel like hooking up when I'm drunk. I much prefer high sex.

[ash8752]

Nora- you sound very secure and it is actually inspiring just to hear. I think you're right on everything you said!

 

And to the last post- you arent the only one who doesnt want drunk sex...i actually dont drink so i dont count, but i have gf's who are the same way. You're not alone!

[Guest]

Here are my thoughts:

 

MySpace- I have a myspace and so does my boyfriend. There haven't been any significant problems that have come from that particular site. Myspace is visible to everyone whether you have a proflie or not... so you can always go look at what he has written to see what you think. In general it is harmless

 

Bars- I have a problem with my boyfriend going out to bars w/o me... but that is because I know how he is when he is drunk. It depends on who he is going out with if I am comfortable with him going.

 

House Parties- Again it depends on who he is with. I always ask him to call me and or text me so that I know he is thinking about me, and therefore not doing something stupid.

 

Like someone said before... it is all about Trust, trust him unless he has given you a reason not to.

[norajane]

Nora- you sound very secure and it is actually inspiring just to hear. I think you're right on everything you said!

 

Thank you, sweets.

 

You know, I am secure, although that hasn't always been the case. It's taken a long time for my honey and I to get to this place together, but it sure is worth the wait. It's all so much better without the anxiety, the wondering, the little brain worms that can mess up even a good relationship. I think it comes from knowing that we both believe 'there's something there' between us, and that 'something' is worth having...no matter how many lovely ladies or charming gentlemen might be flirting within range. :love:

[Spectre]

 

Your SO being on myspace?

 

I encourage it, it shows me their level of intelligence. If theyre going to date me but then openly flirt with other guys on myspace, I know 1- this girl isnt too smart, and 2-she isnt gf material.

 

Your SO going out without you to bars drinking with friends?

 

Hmm, what reason would girls have to goto a bar without their bf, and get wasted? I dont know how I feel about this, you always hear the horror stories of them getting wasted and doing something stupid. If they can handle it, then do it, but judging from this board, most cant.

 

Your SO going to house get togethers with members of the opposite sex included playing drinking games until late night (1:00am-4:00am)?

 

dumped.