katex Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I’m 23 years old, and have been with my boyfriend for just over 2 years. I know that I love him, but I can’t stop myself cheating on him.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I’ve cheated on my boyfriend with 3 different guys over the last year (I didn’t cheat for the first year). The first two guys were not one-night-stands, but I knew they would never be anything serious, and over the couple of months following my meeting them, things fizzled out.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]About 9 months ago, however, I met another guy who I am still seeing now. It started off as just a bit of fun on my part after a drunken night out, but it became apparent very quickly that this other guy wanted a proper relationship. Although at first I told him this wouldn’t happen, and he has always known about my boyfriend, I continued spending a lot of time with him (I live on my own and he spends every weeknight with me), and he totally fell for me. He now tells me that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, that we are soul mates, and that he would be devastated if I ever ended things between us. He is convinced that we are on our way to being together.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I really care about this other guy, but I am not in love with him. I like him because I get a buzz from having this ‘other side’ to my life that my boyfriend doesn’t know about. I only ever sleep with the other guy when I’m drunk, but the sex is amazing, and we’ve tried a lot of stuff that I wouldn’t feel comfortable asking my boyfriend to do. When sober, although he would like to have sex, we just cuddle up on the sofa and watch TV.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Recently, someone who knows my boyfriend on a pretty basic level saw me kissing this other guy when out, and it made me realise that things have to come to an end. It’s almost as if I have two boyfriends. The thing is though, I just can’t do it. I’ve tried before, but it didn’t work. For a couple of weeks, a while back, I stopped all contact with the other guy, and I felt so down and as though I was craving just the excitement of having that extra person. Does this mean I could be actually addicted to cheating? I really do love my boyfriend, and I would be absolutely devastated if he found out and ended things with me.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I would love to hear from anyone who has had a similar experience, and find out how things turned out.[/sIZE][/FONT] Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 How would you feel if your boyfriend was doing to you what you are doing to him? Does your boyfriend deserve the fact that his girlfriend enjoys having a boyfriend on the side and cheating on him? Why do you disrespect and humiliate him this way? Why don't you try to be honest with your boyfriend and tell him what is going on so he can decide how he wants to live his live. What you are doing to your boyfriend is to make him look like a total fool for loving someone who enjoys cheating on him behind his back and putting his health at risk for STD's. Again how would you feel if your boyfriend was doing what you are doing to him or does this not even come to your mind since he has too much respect for you to do this? Let your boyfriend go or tell him the truth so he can decide if he wishes to work on another relationship with a woman who can love and respect him and believe in a value of a committment since you seem clearly incapable of doing this for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Spiderman Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 It seems to me you are still young and promiscuous. I personally don't see anything wrong with this, I've been there, as have many others on this forum I imagine, and from past to present experience, I feel you'll eventually grow out of this phase when you're good and ready. I for one find that sex in a loving relationship is always better than random sex that doesn't mean that one's wrong and the other's right! Random sex can be exciting and fun, and there's no reason why it can't be responsible. That said, I personally think it is unfair to stay in a relationship with your current partner when you still obviously want to play the field. Quote - "I really do love my boyfriend, and I would be absolutely devastated if he found out and ended things with me" Not meaning to sound patronising, but you don’t seem to understand the true meaning of the word 'Love'. You may think you love him, and granted you may well do in some way or another, but if you truly loved him as much as you say, do him the justice of ending this so-called relationship prior to him getting really hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Nice Guy21 Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 The thing is I don't understand why some women say that all men are the same and their aren't any good men left but they cheat on them and say they love them. I mean really how twisted is that and then we break it off with them and we're jerks for it. I'm not talking about all women cause I know their are some good ones out there. It just angers me every post I read that is similar to this one because of the simple fact I loved my ex very much and would have never hurt her and she cheated on me. Then you wonder why some men become womanizers and I also know that men cheat also. just my 2 cents. Link to post Share on other sites
evilsponge Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 Your not addicted to anything katex, you know what your doing, you enjoy doing, and you're not going to stop. You just don't want to deal the guilt of it so you come here. Leave your bf and spare him the heartach of catching you. Link to post Share on other sites
purspeed Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 Ignore all of the above babble. Yes. Your case is practically a textbook definition of sex addiction. Although you experience sexual satisfaction (that distinguishes you from a nymph), the true stimulation comes from the anticipation. Your brain experiences a high. You are addicted to this high (nor-epinephrine stimilating the production of epipinephrine in the adrenal medulla)... Admitting your an addict is your first step to recovery. Sidenote: I wish you were in SoCal (if you are hot, that is). Link to post Share on other sites
evilsponge Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 I get very excited on a rollercoaster just before we hit the first fall. Does that mean I'm addicted to rollercoasters? I'm sorry purspeed but I disagree. Who knows I could be wrong though..... Link to post Share on other sites
purspeed Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 Thankfully Evilsponge you have no idea what you're talking about. Do you risk serious social, professional, health or other problems with your desire to go on rollercoasters. Is your desire insatiable? Do you find yourself in a situation where u must get on a coaster no matter what the consequences? Link to post Share on other sites
evilsponge Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 Does this person risk the same being with other men? Sure she'll lose her boyfriend if he found out, but is she missing work to be with these men? Does she get severly depressed when she isn't cheating? Don't take this personally purspeed but I just don't see an addiction here. Isn't it possible this isn't some complex disorder and just good 'ol fashioned cheating? Link to post Share on other sites
purspeed Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 Anything is possible, but we're not dealing with possibilities, we're dealing with probabilities. Statistically speaking, she's addicted. The default response from most on this board is, "it's your fault, you are evil, you should be ashamed of yourself, you should tell everyone everything, you should break up immediately." All human behaviour is complex. The human brain is the most complex thing in the known universe. What is simple about human behaviour? Link to post Share on other sites
Spiderman Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 I'd personally ignore everything written here by 'purspeed' Quote - Thankfully Evilsponge you have no idea what you're talking about. I think it is you who has no idea what they're talking about. I would re-read my advice katex. As I said, you're obviously still young and promiscuous. I personally don't see anything wrong with this, I've been there, as have many others on this forum I imagine, and from past to present experience, I feel you'll eventually grow out of this phase when you're good and ready. I was exactly the same at 23yrs old, am/was I a sex addict? No, of course I wasn't. I was curious. I am now in a loving, committed, monogamous relationship with the most amazing girl I have ever met in the world. Would I ever cheat on her? Not on your life I respect a person's choice to remain virgin until married, but let's face it, religion doesn't motivate all of us and I for one am a bit tired of the moral snobbery of some of these people. Sex is a fundamental part of being human. Its a healthy part of life. I respect all these people for wanting to retain their virginity until goodness knows when, but wish they'd stop telling us healthy, normal individuals how immoral we all are. It's ridiculous - I'd rather be healthy and normal than some frustrated sexless soul who's constantly in battle with their own conscience. Please don't dismiss the fact that I personally think it is unfair to stay in a relationship with your current partner when you still obviously want to play the field. Do the right thing katex. Link to post Share on other sites
Spiderman Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 Sidenote: I wish you were in SoCal (if you are hot, that is). Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 Ignore all of the above babble. Yes. Your case is practically a textbook definition of sex addiction. Although you experience sexual satisfaction (that distinguishes you from a nymph), the true stimulation comes from the anticipation. Your brain experiences a high. You are addicted to this high (nor-epinephrine stimilating the production of epipinephrine in the adrenal medulla)... Admitting your an addict is your first step to recovery. This is right on the money, in my opinion. I have a bit of experience with addiction, in all its ugly forms. That said, I think you need some time on your own to either figure out what you want, or freedom to play the field. But IMO a committed relationship isn't the best idea just now. Link to post Share on other sites
purspeed Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 This is right on the money, in my opinion. I have a bit of experience with addiction, in all its ugly forms. That said, I think you need some time on your own to either figure out what you want, or freedom to play the field. But IMO a committed relationship isn't the best idea just now. People who have experienced addiction can readily spot it in others. (although the mantra is that you are never truly recovered) Link to post Share on other sites
Spiderman Posted July 14, 2006 Share Posted July 14, 2006 This is right on the money, in my opinion. I have a bit of experience with addiction, in all its ugly forms. That said, I think you need some time on your own to either figure out what you want, or freedom to play the field. But IMO a committed relationship isn't the best idea just now. IMO purspeed's advice is far from 'right on the money'! SHE'S 23 FOR GOD'S SAKE!! To put this into perspective, It's like saying, if a young person goes out on a nightly drinking binge at 23, as we all have done at this age I suspect, they're alcoholic's!! Yes, I'd say if this behaviour isn't kept under control it's possible it can lead to some sort of addiction, but it's far to early to tell at age 23. Bottom line, she's young and promiscuous. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted July 15, 2006 Share Posted July 15, 2006 Your post is an onslaught to my eyes, if you're gonna do things like change the font and size, atleast do it correctly. anyways, I stopped reading when i got to the "I know that I love him, but I can’t stop myself cheating on him." line, No hun, you dont love your bf. Sex Addiction? Ok, when someones addicted to cocaine, do they go out and constantly buy different variations of it? No, most crackheads dont care, cocaine is cocaine. So, if youre addicted to sex, you have a d*ck at home, why the need to include the whole town into it? Just quit being selfish and leave your bf, he doesnt deserve to be with a walking std waiting to happen. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted July 15, 2006 Share Posted July 15, 2006 Yes, I'd say if this behaviour isn't kept under control it's possible it can lead to some sort of addiction, but it's far to early to tell at age 23. Bottom line, she's young and promiscuous. That's like saying it's impossible to be an alcoholic unless you're over the age of 30. Give me a break. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenSpirit Posted July 15, 2006 Share Posted July 15, 2006 Maybe its not the sex shes addicted to. Didnt anyone read what she wrote? She doesnt have sex with this other guy when shes sober only when shes drunk. Maybe its more about being addicted to the adrenaline rush of cheating... Knowing that its wrong. Knowing she shouldnt be doin it. Ok I know 2 couples one is now married and one is now engaged. The married couple have been together goin on 9 years and married for almost 2. Throughout their relationship, everyone around them knows they cheated on each other. Every weekend hed be out at clubs and shed be out at another club. It would be random people at times, it would be people Im sure they were with more than once. AND most times, they werent havin sex just plain ole making out with another person. The 2nd couple who are now engaged same exact story. They have been together goin on 6 years. Engaged for the last 7 months. Gettin married next year. I was close to this girl in fact and I know KNOW she would die without her fiance. He would die without her. Loves him to death but couldnt help the attraction to other men she had. She didnt sleep with most of them. Only kissed or fooled around. She was a selfish person 110% when it came down to it. She only cared about herself and getting what she wants and didnt care who she hurt along the way. Thus we are not friends anymore. She even betrayed another friends by actually sleeping with her bf who was also the fiances friend. BUT I know these people do love each other on some level and now they are inseperable. NOW all of a sudden they have normal relationships. And their ages: married couple are 25 and 26, engaged couple are the same age... WHAT IS THIS ABOUT THEN? SOMEONE PSYCHOANALYZE THIS BEHAVIOR. Was it that they were just commited too young and they had to get it out of their systems? Or is there something deeper goin on? WHY DO WE HURT THE ONES WE LOVE? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted July 15, 2006 Share Posted July 15, 2006 And their ages: married couple are 25 and 26, engaged couple are the same age... WHAT IS THIS ABOUT THEN? SOMEONE PSYCHOANALYZE THIS BEHAVIOR. Was it that they were just commited too young and they had to get it out of their systems? Or is there something deeper goin on? WHY DO WE HURT THE ONES WE LOVE? The last part of the brain to develop governs rational though, logic and decision making. This doesn't mature completely until the mid 20s. This explains a lot of impulsive, poorly thought out behavior that young people engage in. Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted July 15, 2006 Share Posted July 15, 2006 Well,...if we could get evilsponge and purespeed to stop swording fighting with their penis' for just a sec, we could try and figure this one out. I dont think you're lying when you say you love him. I just dont think you understand what love is. You feel this comfort with your bf. You like the attention he gives you, and you are afraid to let that go. But it aint love. I think you are an "attention whore". You crave attetion from men. Any man. Its funny how you say you cant help yourself when it comes to cheating, but, I bet you dont have sex with your bf right after you've slept with the "other man". You're able to say no to THAT sex. So it isnt sex you are addicted to. You dont love your boyfriend and you certainly dont respect him. And dont tell me you DO respect him,...because you just cannot bring yourself to cheat on a man or woman you respect. Stop being every mans punchboard. You arent a party favor. You are a grown woman. Start acting like one. Tell your boyfriend and end this B.S. before you really hurt him more. AND THE OTHER GUY TOO. You forget. He wants you just as much as your regular bf. Now you are hurting two guys. Nice. "ME, ME, ME, ME,...and Oh,...by the way,....ME" Stop being so selfish. Grow up. What would your Mom think? What would your boyfriends Mom think? What would your "Others" Mom think? Have you ever called another girl 'skank'? 'Whore'? 'Slut'? Well,...guess what? Now you cant. What right would you have? You get to exercise the "takes one to know one" rule. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted July 15, 2006 Share Posted July 15, 2006 Maybe its more about being addicted to the adrenaline rush of cheating... Knowing that its wrong. Knowing she shouldnt be doin it. Why is everyone insisting its any sort of addiction? Maybe shes just, for lack of better terms, loose? believe it or not, some people can be completely selfish and self absorbed in their own lives, only to be shaken out of that when something goes wrong, like her bf's friend seeing her in the act. Ok I know 2 couples one is now married and one is now engaged. The married couple have been together goin on 9 years and married for almost 2. Throughout their relationship, everyone around them knows they cheated on each other. Every weekend hed be out at clubs and shed be out at another club. It would be random people at times, it would be people Im sure they were with more than once. AND most times, they werent havin sex just plain ole making out with another person. I was close to this girl in fact and I know KNOW she would die without her fiance. He would die without her. Loves him to death but couldnt help the attraction to other men she had. She didnt sleep with most of them. Only kissed or fooled around. Actions speak louder than words. She would die without him, but cant help but fool around with other guys? Isnt that special. Notice how you said she didnt sleep with *most* of them. Your friend might love her fiance, but its a sick twisted version of the common definition of love. She was a selfish person 110% when it came down to it. She only cared about herself and getting what she wants and didnt care who she hurt along the way. it cant be both, either she'd die for her fiance, or shes selfish. Since she cheated, im going with the latter BUT I know these people do love each other on some level and now they are inseperable. NOW all of a sudden they have normal relationships. And their ages: married couple are 25 and 26, engaged couple are the same age... WHAT IS THIS ABOUT THEN? SOMEONE PSYCHOANALYZE THIS BEHAVIOR. Was it that they were just commited too young and they had to get it out of their systems? Or is there something deeper goin on? WHY DO WE HURT THE ONES WE LOVE? Well, the engaged couple, the guy didnt seem to do anything, hes a classic case of not knowing when to let go. NO respectable man would left a woman treat him like that, there must be deep seeded mental issues for him to allow it. As for the married couple? theyre probably together because they've already f*cked each other over a multitude of times, so they probably figure why go and f*ck with someone news head? they have a twisted comfort zone with each other, i mean gosh, who wants to go through all the trouble of finding a new person and cheating on them when you already have someone? Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted July 15, 2006 Share Posted July 15, 2006 The last part of the brain to develop governs rational though, logic and decision making. This doesn't mature completely until the mid 20s. This explains a lot of impulsive, poorly thought out behavior that young people engage in. Great, a new excuse. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted July 15, 2006 Share Posted July 15, 2006 Katex, this is my advice to you: leave your bf, deal with whatever issues you think you have later. DO NOT stay with this man. Look at the very bottom of yourself and gather up that last smidgen of respect and let him go. Let him move on to someone better. There really should be no debating this, even if you change your ways, you've still ruined it with this guy. Break up with him, I'm quite sure you probably wont be honest with him about why, but atleast do that. I just re-read your post, you arent addicting to anything, you've been cheating with one guy. Youre just trying to have your cake and eat it too, well..cakes all gone now. Choose one and dump the other, probably be a good idea to choose the one you've been cheating with, as your current bf will most likely dump you. Link to post Share on other sites
Spiderman Posted July 17, 2006 Share Posted July 17, 2006 That's like saying it's impossible to be an alcoholic unless you're over the age of 30. Give me a break. Who mentioned being over the age of 30!? She's 23! Quote - The last part of the brain to develop governs rational though, logic and decision making. This doesn't mature completely until the mid 20s. This explains a lot of impulsive, poorly thought out behavior that young people engage in. So in-fact you do agree with my point, that it's maybe to early to spot a definite addiction at 23yrs? Link to post Share on other sites
melbourneboy Posted July 17, 2006 Share Posted July 17, 2006 If you were a guy in here saying how he is cheating on his GirlFriend you would be Flamed down. i hate the double standards when it comes to men and women with this issue. Reading ur post made me feel sick. Link to post Share on other sites
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