blind_otter Posted July 17, 2006 Share Posted July 17, 2006 Great, a new excuse. It's not an excuse, it's verifiable research. Google it yourself, Mr. Bitter. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted July 17, 2006 Share Posted July 17, 2006 So in-fact you do agree with my point, that it's maybe to early to spot a definite addiction at 23yrs? No. I was an alcoholic and an addict by that time. Link to post Share on other sites
Spiderman Posted July 17, 2006 Share Posted July 17, 2006 No. I was an alcoholic and an addict by that time. I appreciate what you're saying BO and am sorry you went through,and are maybe still going through, a similar addiction, but IMHO I'd have to say the vast majority of youngsters nowadays do seem to over indulge in casual sex and alcohol, does this make them all addicts!? to a certain degree maybe, but to the point of needing help, I don't think so. I suppose it really all depends on how an individual defines being addicted. The myths surrounding sex addiction can make it difficult to understand. Sex addiction should not be confused with individuals who have a high sex drive, a sexual perversion or who just enjoy a lot of sex. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted July 17, 2006 Share Posted July 17, 2006 to a certain degree maybe, but to the point of needing help, I don't think so. These are the qualifiers for seeking help with an addiction issue: If it interferes with your ability to go about your daily life. If it interferes with your ability to relate to others, your friends, family, or lovers. If it interferes with your ability to earn a living. If the consequences begin to impact your life in areas other than those that are directly related to your drug of choice - if you feel powerless to stop on your own, then you have an addiction issue. Link to post Share on other sites
Spiderman Posted July 17, 2006 Share Posted July 17, 2006 These are the qualifiers for seeking help with an addiction issue: If it interferes with your ability to go about your daily life. If it interferes with your ability to relate to others, your friends, family, or lovers. If it interferes with your ability to earn a living. If the consequences begin to impact your life in areas other than those that are directly related to your drug of choice - if you feel powerless to stop on your own, then you have an addiction issue. Yes, I agree with the majority of the factors you've listed, but first and foremost I'd have to say the major turning point would be, as you said, if a person feels powerless to stop on their own - then agreed, there is a possible addiciton issue. How serious the issue is, well that's another story... Link to post Share on other sites
purspeed Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 Spiderman: Drop the issue. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenSpirit Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 Well I was just relating a story of my old friends relationships... Its not something I agree with and I dont know what their mental issues are... Again its not the kind of relationship I would be in but it seems to work for them so to each is own... With Katex on here, shes young and shes experimenting. We dont know what the mental issue is... What if its not a mental issue? Is every action and every word we utter mean some deeper underlying mental issue? I mean when I was like 17 I used to cheat on my BF at the time. When I turned 21 I drank every day for like 3 months. It interfered with my job. I was not close to my family at that time. Did I have deep rooted mental issues or was I just young and trying to live and have fun? Drinking for the first time... Having a ton of friends that go out and have fun for the first time... I know I tend to have an addictive personality, but I was young. Stupid... Experimenting and having fun without having to think twice... Isnt the essence of being young? Isnt that what we all miss? Now Im 26 and all I do is think... Everything I do I analyze and wonder if theres some deeper meaning... I have to think about things before I make moves... I have to be responsible... Everyone matures in their own time... At 23 I was still very immature and maybe this girl is too... Shes young and havin fun maybe its just that simple... Shes out there doin her thing and no one will stop her... Katex save your BF some heartache and break up with him... BEcause if he ever finds out its goin to destroy him... Cheating is the hugest blow to someones ego and it just hurts like crazy to know someone you loved and cared about so much would do that to you, knowing it would hurt you... Be 23 have fun just dont hurt this person anymore.... Link to post Share on other sites
CollDoll Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Hey Katex! I understand how your feeling. I think what it is actually is the excitment of it all. Having a secret and know you are doing something wrong that makes the sex so great with this other guy. I'm in the same perdicument, but when it comes to it, we can't have our cake and eat it 2, you should choose whats right for you. Either stop cheating, or end it with the bf, and I'm trying to take the same advice. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
Kengne Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 ut when it comes to it, we can't have our cake and eat it 2, you should choose whats right for you. Either stop cheating, or end it with the bf, and I'm trying to take the same advice. Good Luck Yes - stop being a cakeman. You already know what you're doing is wrong, but I guess you either 1) don't care about your bf's feelings or 2) don't care period. That's okay, because karma always comes back for you 10-fold. Sooner or later this ish will blow up in your face. And I'm also 23 btw, but have never been in your situation. Nor have any of my same-age female friends gone through this promiscuous stage either. But my male friends have, and I think it's normal but not right. If you want to have sex with different people, & have the high from the secrecy and whatnot - just have casual rel'ships with multiple people. Let each person know you are not looking for anything serious, other than sex. And then sleep with them. That way, you have all the sex you want and secrecy-high because nobody knows who else you're sleeping with (even though they innately should assume you're seeing other people becacuse you've decided to keep it strictly casual). Good luck! K. Link to post Share on other sites
ridingthebulls Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Who mentioned being over the age of 30!? She's 23! Quote - The last part of the brain to develop governs rational though, logic and decision making. This doesn't mature completely until the mid 20s. This explains a lot of impulsive, poorly thought out behavior that young people engage in. So in-fact you do agree with my point, that it's maybe to early to spot a definite addiction at 23yrs? Mid 20s.. that's for A MALE'S BRAIN. Womens is a lot sooner. Link to post Share on other sites
ridingthebulls Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 It seems many of you are confusing two different things here. There should be a definite line between SEX ADDICTION and CHEATING ADDICTION. Sure a lot of young people might SLEEP AROUND.. shouldn't that be under "sex addiction"/promiscuity category? This woman is NOT a sex addict. She is a cheating addict, which means she definitely has a problem. She gets turned on by cheating, and if not helped can create unhealthy problems in her relationships to come. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms_Sweetness Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 I can understand where you are coming from. I am the same age as you and I have a boyfriend who I've been with for just about 5 yrs now. I love him more than anything, but I still see other guys. The difference with me is that I only do this because he doesn't seem to want to commit. At first I didn't think I truly loved him, but I am pretty sure that I do now because I KNOW that I would cut all connections with all of these other guys if he would just show me that he is ready to commit. So are you sure that you truly love you boyfriend because with true love you wouldn't think about being with anyone else. I do not want these other guys I just enjoy the attention and how special they make me feel unlike the guy that I happen to love. Link to post Share on other sites
jorgeajorge73 Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 When someone is involved in a relationship, the person they are with is the only person that should matter. I'm 33 years old and my ex girlfriend is 31 and she cheated on me many times over. On top of that she has cheated on all her past boyfriends. She just likes to use men. It turns out that she has a mental health issue which is [sIZE=2]Narcissism on top of that, she's a social drinker, who in turn would get drunk. [/sIZE] [sIZE=2][/sIZE] [sIZE=2]As far as you are concern Katex...You've only begun to spin the wheels of lies and deceit. As you get older, what you do will only become a game. A game in which you will be hurting yourself and others. It makes me wonder if you are a victim of sexual abuse. You need to check your self-esteem. Getting drunk and having crazy sex? I don't know about that one. Don't be suprised that before you hit 30, you'll be just another statistic, another person with an STD... [/sIZE] Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 I can understand where you are coming from. I am the same age as you and I have a boyfriend who I've been with for just about 5 yrs now. I love him more than anything, but I still see other guys. The difference with me is that I only do this because he doesn't seem to want to commit. At first I didn't think I truly loved him, but I am pretty sure that I do now because I KNOW that I would cut all connections with all of these other guys if he would just show me that he is ready to commit. So are you sure that you truly love you boyfriend because with true love you wouldn't think about being with anyone else. I do not want these other guys I just enjoy the attention and how special they make me feel unlike the guy that I happen to love. Perfect example of an attention whore. Why cant you just be happy with yourself and your friends UNTIL the right guy comes along??? Why do you HAVE to surround yourself with male attention? No daddy around growing up? Abuse? Whatever the reason,.....to others, you look like the town tramp. Stop being so neeeeeeeeeeedy. Jeez,....there ARE other things in this world besides YOU, YOU, YOU. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms_Sweetness Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 Perfect example of an attention whore. Why cant you just be happy with yourself and your friends UNTIL the right guy comes along??? Why do you HAVE to surround yourself with male attention? No daddy around growing up? Abuse? Whatever the reason,.....to others, you look like the town tramp. Stop being so neeeeeeeeeeedy. Jeez,....there ARE other things in this world besides YOU, YOU, YOU. First of all I am not an attention whore and I was never abused and my dad was always around. And it's not that I have to surround myself with males. I do not need you bashing me. Get a life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author katex Posted July 24, 2006 Author Share Posted July 24, 2006 Hey, thanks for your replies. Can i just point out though, that I've only been cheating with 1 guy. Okay, i'm not using that as an excuse AT ALL, but I would never put myself at risk of being a 'walking STD'. I don't go out looking for new men to take home, and have actually slept with very few people all in all. I've never had a one-night stand. Also, i should maybe have pointed out as well that my boyfriend is no angel. Okay, i don't think he would sleep with another girl, but i have caught him out twice kissing other women (both of whom I knew), and he's told me that he cheated on his ex of 3 years 'more times than he can remember' (he's a little older than me at 28). On top of that, he can be very aggressive when drunk - he's never hit me, and it doesn't happen often, but he has pushed me across my flat and smashed things up before. Going out at the weekend is a big part of our relationship, and so that's how things can get nasty. I would happily not drink anymore, but there's no way he would give it up. To be fair to him though, he's been okay for the past few months. I know you say i can't love him, but i do. When he leaves mine on a Sunday evening, i feel terrible for the things i've done. Yet i still can't let go of the other guy once i see him again. And that wasn't me trying to make excuses for myself. I hate what i am! Link to post Share on other sites
evilsponge Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 I don't understand why people stay with SO who have shady pasts and troubling habits. He's an angry drunk who destorys property when he gets angry? Those are two big red flags right there. So neither of you are totally faithful with eachother, and your boyfriend is an angry drunk who's put his hands on you before and will mostly like end up hitting you if this trend continues. This is what you call love? Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 First of all I am not an attention whore[/quote Get a life? Yeah thanks,....got one. Funny how your quote below,....completely contradicts your quote above. "I do not want these other guys I just enjoy the attention" If you arent an attention whore, then why, pray-tell, do surround yourself with males? Ego boost because of low self-esteem? Thats just a polite way of saying "attention whore". Not suprised by your reaction, though. I have never known an attention whore to admit to being an attention whore. Lemme guess,...I bet while you are engaged in a conversation with someone else in person or over the phone, you wait silently and seemingly politely until they have finished,...but all the while, instead of listening,.. you were thinking of the next thing your were going to say. (probably trying to top the last thing the other person said) Are you saying that you are the part of the few women who surround themselves with male friends that isnt an attention whore? Funny how they all say that, isnt it? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 Why all this psycho-analyzing? The OP has said she hates herself, and admits that she is confused and has issues. So be it. With time and any luck, she'll grow the hell up. Comes with the territory of becoming an emotionally mature adult, I guess. She just needs time. But as with any cheater.... the best part of it is that they have NO RIGHT to be mad once the tables are turned on them. They'll have to sit like an idiot and let Karma punch them in the mouth when it happens to them. Beautiful! LOL. Link to post Share on other sites
Kirlin Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 for f*** sakes leave him trust me my bf of 1 year and a half is cheating on me and i no how it feels i am still devastated just think what ur doing to him and think feel like hes doing the exact same to you ud be heart broken then ull no how it feels. GROWUP! im sure ur bf is a sweet guy and u treat him like S***!! he deserves much better Link to post Share on other sites
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