problem with girlfriend

[Keith]

I was friends with her for about a year before we started dating. We've been dating for a year, one month, and one day (lol). Well, it's all pretty good... but... let me explain.

 

she never compliments me or makes me feel good about myself.

 

i mean, i tell her about how great she is all the time. i have nicknames for her like "beautiful," "illustrious beautty" "cutie garcia" and "liser" (inside joke there... i know the names are all weird, but we're both WEIRD)

 

she has 0.000000000 nicknames for me.

 

and, this is our senior year in high school, so we have this "who's who" thing, people vote on best eyes, best hair, best body, best all around, friendliest, most artistic,...etc.

 

so, while i was just driving down the road with her, we were talking about it; and i said something like I'd vote for her for best eyes (i love her eyes).

 

i asked her "if you were to just see me without knowing me, what would you 'vote' for me as?" of course she just pauses and says "i don't know." I was pretty upset at this point, but I just said "thanks" and didn't show it (i think i was about to cry).

 

anyways, that's a big problem right now. we used to have this problem where i would do 'stuff' for her and she'd do nothing for me. i mean, i'd go "down" on her, and when she was done she'd just roll over and go to sleep, or just go to the bathroom,...etc. and not do a thing for me. after about a year that finally changed, although she's only gone "down" once... but hey, at least if changed.

 

anyways, her never complimenting me really gets to me. i have a friend who compliments me and such, and she's really nice,...etc. but anyways, we sometimes talk about "sexual things" and today she almost ended up sending a picture of "herself" to me. of course i was kind of turned on just because a girl was actually attracted to me. but the picture was never sent (we were quite indecisive about it), but I still feel kind of bad.

 

I know the problem is that, since she doesn't make me feel attractive and some other girls do, I lust for these girls. And I really don't want to, but it just happens.

 

I think I want to talk bout it to her, and I want things to change.... I don't want to leave her. But I can't stand feeling f@#*()ing ugly. I do love her, so I know I don't want to leave her.

 

what should I say to her? Do you think that lusting after this other girl, but never seeing the pic (we never had 'cyber sex' or anything close to it) is cheating? I know I've been lusting more (i used to not look at porn, but i have been lately... but it's a lot different when you know the person who you're gonna look at... luckily i decided not too... but i feel like i went really far); or would you just consider that being extremely tempted?

 

sorry for such a long post, but i need your help

[Tony T]

You're lusting more for other women because your current relationship is on the way south. You aren't getting from it what you need so you're looking for those things elsewhere.

 

The reason we date is to find out if the person has the qualities we admire in a mate. Your girl's lack of acknowledging your positives is not good. You obviously need positive feedback from a lady, that's important to you...and you're not getting it. You nearly cried once when she couldn't name her favorite part of your body so obviously you are very sensitive to that issue.

 

You won't change this lady you're seeing. Some people just aren't good at compliments. Some people just aren't imaginative. However, her lack of imagination in bed and inability to satisfy you there, her lack of compliments for you, etc. indicates she is in no way the lady of your dreams. And, again, you're not going to change her.

 

So you have two choices. Stay in this relationship where you are unhappy with several important aspects and just keep feeling worse about it and wanting to attract other ladies...or end the relationship and attract other ladies who will be better suited for you.

 

Didn't anybody ever tell you this is the way dating is supposed to work?