I want to hear your success story, is there really true happiness after separation or

[brenda829]

divorce? I am having a difficult time deciding if I should stay in a unhealthy marriage should I stay or should I go? Can I ignore all the bad times?

[UnknowingOW]

divorce? I am having a difficult time deciding if I should stay in a unhealthy marriage should I stay or should I go? Can I ignore all the bad times?

 

You'll put up with them as long as you can. When you are ready you will make your choice. That's all anyone can do.

[Curmudgeon]

There IS life after divorce and it can be more wonderful, happier and more fulfilling than anything that went before it. That was my experience when my former marriage of 25 years failed (a process that likely took most of those same years).

 

I spent two years living ;like a monk and reinvented myself after concentrating on my faults in the failed relationship. I came to some conclusions and determinations as well as absolute expectations and requirements for a future spouse, if there ever was to be one.

 

At the end of the two years I ventured out into the dating game again, scared to death since it was the mid-90s and I hadn't dated since the 60s (rule #1, date your spouse on a regular basis). Just to be sake I asked out a former coworker and friend I'd known for five years and for whom I had no romantic interest whatsoever. She was simply someone I liked, admired and respected and whose company I had always enjoyed. She challenged me intellectually and had a very nice spiritual quality about her.

 

Long-story-short: We fell in love on that first date, were engaged two weeks later and married six weeks after that. That was 10 years ago and we're still going strong. Neither of us has ever been happier, more content, better off emotionally, financially and in every other way or had such a hopeful outlook on the future.

 

For the record, she met all three of my "requirements" and the three major determinations I came to long ago I still adhere to.

[witabix]

If it is truly unhealthy then no you should not stay.

 

You should definately NOT stay in a relationship for fear of being alone.

 

I have left two long term relationships (Total time 22years) because they were not what I wanted and no body was going anywhere in them but their own seperate ways.

 

You must find your path, and you will find others on the same path, perhaps temporarily but you can never tell if it is going to be permanent.

 

What really lasts forever?

[NEWDAY]

Got married at 18, I'm 47 now and just divorced. You would think that after that many years we could have worked things out, but I think we both got tired of trying. I'd say the last 3 years went from bad to miserable.

 

It's been a relief to put an end to faking it. It's part of my past now, I just wish I hadn't waited so long to get out. If things are that bad for you, don't waste another minute of your precious time and move on. I won't kid you, it's painful and sad and you will grieve, but that will still happen in 6 months, a year or 5. Only you'll be older. This is your only life. Choose to be happy.

[Gunny376]

And, happiness as well, like anything in life its all about what you make it. Its all about the choices that you make.

 

I won't lie to you, and tell you that its been a bed or roses ~ but who ever promised you a rose garden? Its been hard, its been tough, its been stressful,.........................but its also been liberating, very much a growth experience, very much a learing experience. I wished that the vast resources offered by just the internet had been around when I was going through it. They're invaluable ~ and if you've got to go through it ~ better this time in your life and with the vast resources available to you ~ than prior to the internet.

 

And, I can absolutely testify that its better to be single and alone ~ than to be in a relationship and miserable ~ hating life ~ having the life sucked out of you. Going from living your life ~ to merely exsisting ~ one day being much like the other.

 

Me? I'm 49 and a man, and although its been a long hard struggle, and I've been through trails and tribulations ~ I made some good investments early in my life ~ and now they're starting to pay off in "spades" and with dividends.

 

The children are grown and on their on ~ and doing well. Good, responsible, adult children. My 25 year old daughter has bought a house and car(s) without a co-signer. Her FICO score is up there. The 22 year old son ~ just rocks! Hell they both "rock"~!

 

It does sadden me, that the XW couldn't hang?! I was just four years away from retiring from the Corps. And, yea I'll admitt that one of the toughest jobs in the Marine Corps is being a Marine's wife! That had to suck. I know it did ~ and I knew it at the time. Being married to a carrer Marine ~ well you've already got a OW ~ and she's a demanding Bitch! Her Name was the United States Marine Corps!

 

Your best is NEVER good enough! You're always being tested. Daily! You're always being questioned, scurtinized!! You give 110% ~ THEY want 111%! Such as it should be, such as it needs to be! But, its Hell on a marriage!

 

My problem was that I'm an "Alpha Male" who wasn't married to an "Alpha Female!" I could hang ~ she couldn't.

 

Yes, there is life and happiness after divorce ~ very much so.

 

Me? I'm not looking for a fly by night~ one night stand. I'm not looking for quantity, but quality. I find a strong, self supporting, independent, "doesn't need a man" but one that wants one ~ I can be all about that! A woman who doesn't need me, but wants me? Sign me up for that!