Not give in to sex

[Sally00]

I am waiting till marriage to have sex. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 months and we're in love... we also talk about marriage all the time. We're practically engaged.

 

Anyways, he's not a virgin. He's done it with someone he was with for 2 1/2 years. But we talked about sex before dating. I said I was waiting till marriage. He said he would not pressure me into anything at all.

 

I also didn't know that I would have my first sexual urge... this happened about the first couple months. But we haven't had sex. Everytime we get close, I think of God and how He meant sex for only marriage. I am a God-fearing person. No, I am certainly not one of those church people. But I do believe in God and what he has to say.

 

Sometimes, I get really scared that I will give in. I know for sure that I won't. But there's still that part of me that is scared... and will probably get a little too close.. I don't know.

 

Do you know how to make yourself just say NOOOOO... NO SEX. Something that will just keep you away from doing it?

 

Anything will help... thanks.

[Sally00]

Haha 9 people looked at this... and no replies..I guess you guys couldn't think of anything.

[MrPot]

First of all, the Bible was written by men - men who had specific values that they wanted to impose upon the population.

 

Regardless, if you really want to believe in that and are committed to being celibate (which I highly admire, actually), then I'd suggest masturbating. If that's condemned by the Bible too, then I'm all out of suggestions, aside from making sure you don't get too cuddly with him. Close contact leads to raging hormones.

[purspeed]

You need to educate yourself on religion a bit. St. Augustinee of Hippo was a mad player, had enough and decided that pure abstinence was the key to godliness. For a genius, he sure took the fun out of sex...or made it better (if you like dirty sex...the best type).

 

I think that you should stay a virgin until married. As a matter of fact, just stay a virgin forever.

 

That is, until you can get 3 million on Ebay selling your virginity to some rich freak. (I get 25% since it's my idea)

[Sally00]

Regardless, if you really want to believe in that and are committed to being celibate (which I highly admire, actually), then I'd suggest masturbating. If that's condemned by the Bible too, then I'm all out of suggestions, aside from making sure you don't get too cuddly with him. Close contact leads to raging hormones

Thanks for the suggestion. But I won't masturbate. I'll just accept the closeness, but not too closeness.

 

 

 

First of all, the Bible was written by men - men who had specific values that they wanted to impose upon the population.

 

You need to educate yourself on religion a bit. St. Augustinee of Hippo was a mad player, had enough and decided that pure abstinence was the key to godliness. For a genius, he sure took the fun out of sex...or made it better (if you like dirty sex...the best type).

HAHAHHAHAH no.. the Holy Bible was not written by mad players (I'm not the one who needs the education, Purspeed ) or men who just wanted something to impose upon the population. All scriptures of the Bible were inspired by God. The Bible itself tells us that it is God who is the author of His book.

 

And yes... I will stay a virgin till marriage. I will get married, so I won't be a virgin forever. I will be the less than 3% of Americans who our proud virgin brides.

[Chinook]

Haha 9 people looked at this... and no replies..I guess you guys couldn't think of anything.

 

Actually, sex-before-marriage (or not) doesn't interest me. However, it wasn't clear in the thread title. I assumed it was a 'not give in to sex whilst dating a new guy' thing.

 

Similarly, religion doesn't interest me either. Each to their own. I don't have a POV either way on it. I have my beliefs and they are private, nothing to do with some book or some religion.

[lil_angel]

sally, wow, i could go on for a long time on this topic, but i'll try to keep it short im w/ you, i happen to like my v-card and the only man who will ever get it is the one i marry, and he wont get it until the wedding night. But that doesnt make it easy all the time! There's no surefire way to eliminate temptation, but there are ways to help. Be aware of at what points you both get "turned on" at. Be careful about doing anything that will send either of you halfway to the moon, because no matter what your intentions it's easy to get caught up in the moment and just keep steady on course. By all means do not avoid closeness, just be responsible with what you do. Don't play with fire and expect to never get burned.

I, too, have religious reasons for my conviction on this. But Ive found it also helpful to understand WHY God has said not to. While the standard explanations of STDs, pregnancy, etc. are very valid and legitimate reasons not to have sex, I think more important is truly realizing the importance of sex. Sex is giving everything you have, your entire body, to another person. It is also accepting the gift of their body and self, in their entirety. Why would you give or take something that important to/from someone you can't commit to permanently? Of course you're not going to be thinking about htat every time you kiss or cuddle, but internalizing rational, thought out reasons for why you want to keep your commitment often makes it much easier to keep.

 

DISCLAIMER: please dont anyone lash out or get all offended or think im making a personal statement against any non-virgins, this is my commitment and my reasons for it, and what helps me to keep it, if you dont agree w/ it, thats cool too.

[MrPot]

 

All scriptures of the Bible were inspired by God. The Bible itself tells us that it is God who is the author of His book.

Well of course the Bible itself says that its author is God. But you know what? So does the Qu'ran. What is it that makes the Bible right and the Qu'ran wrong? What your parents told you - nothing more.

[Citizen Erased]

This is so going to turn into an anti-religion man are all sexist bastards kinda thread.

 

If you believe that you should be a virgin because otherwise you will displease God then you clearly do not understand the meaning of sex before marriage. You should truly want to do it for not only your spiritual well being but because you do not wish to have any other sexual partner then the person who you marry. It should be a lifestyle choice, not one you make because you are afraid. If you choose to be a virgin because your fear in God prevents you from having sex, but deep down you really want to, then it is living a lie.

[pinkprincess]

just stick with your values if you believe in marriage before doing the deed then let it be that way...

 

if you are not yet really ready then no one can force you.

 

i must admit that me and my bf already did the "dee" we are just 4 months that time.. but i have no regrets.. we are still together until now, going 5 years next month making love always depends on the person. it's up to you my dear. it's a matter of choice.

[hyakku]

I hope you realize that the Bible you follow aren't even the complete works written by all the apostles, disciples, prophets, etc. They took out alot of them because alot of them contradicted them (the gospel of Philip (or was it timothy?), the gospel of Judas, etc). Furthermore, the bible was written by man, even if it was "inspired by God". I've seen people in church get "inspired by the holy spirit" and run around and shout or whatever, and the next day be total bastards. Also, the men that wrote the bible really did want to keep woman down. If you compare christianity to the ancient egyptian religion, they are wayyy to similar. In fact, the trinity idea comes from teh ancient egyptians, except instead of there being a God the Father, Wife, and son, they replaced wife with Holy spirit. Seems kind of strange....

 

Really though I'm not looking to turn this into a anti religion thing, but here's the point. If you want to and you are just not doing it because someone told you to without a reason, then you are blinded by faith. If you have your own personal reasons besides, "I don't want to disobey God", then fine. But consider this, our race would not be alive if everyone waited until marriage back when cavemen were running the earth.

[Guest]

I think people are missing the point, if she wants to wait until she's married to have sex then that's her choice and also her religious belief. I don't think she was looking for advice on religion or defending her choices with people.

 

She wanted to know about way to stay true to her faith. Sweetie I think the biggest thing is that you have to have faith in yourself.

 

You don't have to have sex, there is always a point at which you can stop. If you feel that things are getting to close/inimate and physical then you probably need to take a deep breathe and stop for a moment.

 

If your partner respects us and your reasons for wanting to stay a virgin he shouldn't push the issue with you.

 

(from a non virgin, non married and non religious person).

[flavius]

Girl, your post was very nice, and was very consistent with this section of the forum. You are obviously motivated by faith, not fear, and that's cool. (and it works!) Mrs Flavius and I managed to make it to the altar "unf*cked", and you can too if you choose. They key is to avoid being alone, naked, in bed, etc together. And for heaven's sake, don't try to be engaged for 5 years -- if you're gonna get married, then git 'er done and get yourselves NAKED.

 

Now, as for the others...

 

You read a simple post regarding living according to conscience, and ALL YOU CAN THINK OF IS TO TRY TO TALK A PERSON OUT OF THEIR RELIGIOUS BELIEF? And what's more upsetting, you wind up your comments with "well, I'm not trying to talk you out of your religious belief." Just because the forum is anonymous doesn't make every notion morally equal or intellectually sound. SHEESH!

 

Besides, you miss the point of what "hagiographia" (Holy Scripture) is, anyway. Because you're too busy preaching silly scraps-of- something-you-read-somewhere-about-Egypt-or-whatever to actually learn even a little about the sociology of religion. Even atheists write brilliant things on the subject, because they treasure intellectual integrity.

[flavius]

AND FURTHERMORE...!

 

Why is it you folks assume that there is something uniquely Christian/Biblical about not screwing before Marriage? It is a tradition that sprang up in every corner of the Earth thousands of years before Christianity was ever thought of. It is STILL the tradition for the great majority of the people on planet Earth, where you supposedly grew up and seemingly still live.

 

You folks demonstrate the obvious, that people will say and believe anything if it will justify their own attitudes.

[bab]

I originally thought I would wait until marriage for sex. I changed my mind (and no, it wasn't in the heat of passion) for a variety of reasons, but I'll give some tips that I used before I changed my mind.

 

1. Impose a curfew on yourself. It seems like will power is indirectly proportional to the hour of the night.

 

2. Stay in the common areas. Nothing like having sex for the first time while worried that roommates are gonna walk in!

 

3. If you know you are going to be in a situation that will be extra tempting, don't shave your legs.

 

4. Get a like minded female friend who agrees to ask you if you were able to draw the line after each of your dates. Accountability goes far.

 

I disagree with Flavius on one thing. Don't rush to the altar. While sex is a fun and important part of marriage. It's not enough to make a marriage float. I've seen religious couples get married that are young and I know that the ability to have sex is pushing them into making a decision that they would otherwise wait on. Don't confuse the lust you feel for someone for a stable relationship. Don't rush it.

[konfused]

Sex before marriage is not a religious idea. It was instituted by men in order to solve the problem of recognizing paternity. Any yes, it still goes on today in the form of chastity belts and genital mutilation. You'll never see a man more "disturbed" than after he finds out his partner was unfaithful. The institution of marriage came about for the same reason. Concealed ovulation by women has the tendency to keep men around. We don't want 'our' women screwing other men. For all those 'lesser' animals who go in heat, it's easy to know when the best time to do the deed. For humans it's much different.

 

Flavius, we are not bashing her religion (although I do that on a part-time basis), we are giving her knowledge. And to quote one of my favorite heros of all time.

 

"Now I Know, and knowing is half the power" - G.I. Joe

[luvtoto]

Uh, I wouldn't marry someone without having sex first.

 

I mean, you wouldn't buy a pair of shoes without trying them on first.

 

Well, no seriously, what if you get married and on your honeymoon you two find out that you don't have any sexual chemistry. On top of that, you are meant to faithfully spend the rest of your life together?

[BareGoddess]

I think you can know whether you have sexual chemistry with someone without actually having sex them.

[blind_otter]

I think in the past it was easier to be virginal before marriage, because women didn't have the opportunities to explore their own sexuality and for a long time -- no one thought that women even took pleasure from the sexual act, or if they did, they believed it was incidental and not part of the act itself.

 

I wouldn't marry someone without knowing whether we clicked in bed -- but ironically I know this precisely because I have had sex with more than one partner and have dated men that I had sexual chemistry with, where we had passionate, hot makeout sessions, only to find that they completely lacked rhythm. Or had a small weenis.

 

Sex is weird that way. You think you know someone.

[blind_otter]

rhythm and knowing how to work it is important to me. I cannot maintain a relationship if there is not a satisfying sex life. I just can't. Sorry. I'm shallow and a huge beyatch.

[norajane]

I think in the past it was easier to be virginal before marriage, because women didn't have the opportunities to explore their own sexuality and for a long time -- no one thought that women even took pleasure from the sexual act, or if they did, they believed it was incidental and not part of the act itself.

 

And girls used to get married very young, so it's not like they were waiting until they were (gasp) in their mid-20s!

 

I wouldn't marry someone without knowing whether we clicked in bed -- but ironically I know this precisely because I have had sex with more than one partner and have dated men that I had sexual chemistry with, where we had passionate, hot makeout sessions, only to find that they completely lacked rhythm. Or had a small weenis.

 

Sex is weird that way. You think you know someone.

 

I wouldn't marry someone without having sex with them, either...sex is so different with each partner! Sometimes, if you're really lucky, there's an incredible emotional intimacy that you can achieve together only during sex, but there's no way to know if you can develop that or not without actually having sex with them for a while. I'd hate to wind up married to someone with whom that intimacy just can't be there because we 'don't click' that way.

 

And then there's the whole kink compatibility factor, as well as the frequency compatibility factor, and what I call the approach factor: is he a playful, adventurous, giving lover or inhibited, serious, my way or the highway kind of lover or the...

 

That said, to the OP, if you don't want to have sex before marriage, then knowing yourself (and your bf) is important. You need to map out your boundaries and stay just shy of crossing them. Get up and get a glass of water or do something else when you near the boiling point. Learn what your triggers are and avoid them as much as possible. Don't spend time alone late at night, if that's one of your triggers. If sharing a bed is a problem area, then wear your granny jammies or don't sleep together at all.

 

I'm not sure why you wouldn't masturbate (is touching your own body really that bad?), but that would be one way to keep things in check. Don't be too hard on your bf if he masturbates...because all guys do...

[flavius]

I think in the past it was easier to be virginal before marriage, because women didn't have the opportunities to explore their own sexuality and for a long time -- no one thought that women even took pleasure from the sexual act, or if they did, they believed it was incidental and not part of the act itself.

QUOTE]

 

Now that's what I mean about believing everything that you read. There is a seemingly scholarly history of sex toys out there on the web that echoes the very silly feminist chant of the non-academic "womens' studies" departments. That is, that Western people were unaware that women have sexual pleasure, orgasms, etc until fairly recently. They cite some few Victorian Era phsyicians as proof. But in fact any knucklehead can waltz down to Barnes and Noble and disprove this in a matter of minutes. All throughout even the British Victorian print there was lots of blue literature that vivdly described female pleasure. In France they were just as wild then as they are now, as the literature prove (hell, the Marquis deSade didn't have to interrupt his nasty stuff with an explanation of what Justine was experiencing!) Even in the most religiously fervent, sexually "oppressive" era in backwards America (1890-1930) the most popular electric appliance in America was no the steam iron, it was the VIBRATING DILDO, usually purchased from the Sears catalog.

 

My wife grew up in an old style pentecostal household under a sex-negative mother. She achieved her goal of remaining a virgin until marriage. That didn't stop her from finding her clitoris at age 13 and keeping a "muscle massager" under her matterss from 16 on. It is just natural. It tingles, you rub it, it feels good, you come. Eureka, eureka.

 

Remember that boys' sexuality is also repressed by their mothers (and absolutely ignored by their fathers.) But men are sexually undeterred. Women self-generate sexual denial and repression. It's their nature. It's also their nature to blame it on their mothers and husbands.

[luvtoto]

Remember that boys' sexuality is also repressed by their mothers (and absolutely ignored by their fathers.) But men are sexually undeterred. Women self-generate sexual denial and repression. It's their nature. It's also their nature to blame it on their mothers and husbands.

Wha?! That's way over my head.

[blind_otter]

Now that's what I mean about believing everything that you read. There is a seemingly scholarly history of sex toys out there on the web that echoes the very silly feminist chant of the non-academic "womens' studies" departments. That is, that Western people were unaware that women have sexual pleasure, orgasms, etc until fairly recently. They cite some few Victorian Era phsyicians as proof. But in fact any knucklehead can waltz down to Barnes and Noble and disprove this in a matter of minutes. All throughout even the British Victorian print there was lots of blue literature that vivdly described female pleasure. In France they were just as wild then as they are now, as the literature prove (hell, the Marquis deSade didn't have to interrupt his nasty stuff with an explanation of what Justine was experiencing!) Even in the most religiously fervent, sexually "oppressive" era in backwards America (1890-1930) the most popular electric appliance in America was no the steam iron, it was the VIBRATING DILDO, usually purchased from the Sears catalog.

 

Vibrators were invented to cure hysteria, which was then called "wandering uterus syndrome". Back then I guess they thought organs were pretty mobile, and that dang uterus would casually stroll off in deep contemplation and have to be vigoruous orgasmed back into place.

 

Symptoms of hysteria? Irritability, a temperature, and a swollen mons veneris. Before vibrators were invented, midwives and physicians masturbated women manually because masturbation was thought to cause mental illness.

 

AFAIK the whole concept of females as sexual beings wasn't widely accepted until Kinsey's ground breaking longitudinal studies (whose funding was fine and dandy when he published his male sex results and then magically pulled after he published his findings on female sexuality).

 

I've seen some of the victorian literature. "The Pearl" comes to mind. But that was relatively underground. Not what you would call common knowledge. Which leads me to think that the medical community was aware that women had sexual natures, but that they took pains to suppress the expression of this. Chastity belts and all that.

 

This wasn't the case in asia, and I have no idea about African. My history in that area was restricted to reading Chinua Achebe in high school.

[lil_angel]

ok, guys, this thread really isnt about religious history or anything, its simply asking for advice on how to refrain from sex. dont agree w/ waiting for marriage, fine, that's ur choice, but maybe u shouldnt be posting here then