he used me

[sky]

my boyfriend said he was in love with me but when i refused to sleep with him a few days later he was going out with some one else! we had been really close friends but know he has someone else he ignores me, i have no one to talk to, no one understands, i'm 15 i shouldn't have to deal with this. i have tried to talk to him but he just runs away from it

[Excelsior]

it's a sad but true fact that guys will often use the "i love you" line to get what they want. What's really sad is that this good friend of yours traded in your friendship to try and get sex. From what I've heard, he's not worth chasing. You're 15, young, and you have so much time to meet and enjoy friendships and relationships with so many other guys. Let him go for awhile. If he comes back to you, and wants to talk, explain how used you felt (calmly!) and then hopefully he'll have matured enough to know that the friendship of a wonderful girl is better than any one night stand he'll ever have.

 

Best wishes,

 

Excelsior

[J.P.]

What Excelsior said is true. If he truly loved you, it wouldn't have mattered what your answer was, and if you were uncomfortable with it, he wouldn't have asked it in the first place. You're 15. You've got your whole life ahead of you. I know where you're coming from: it seems like you'll never be this hurt again and all that. It goes away. Don't go into anything too sudden; this'll take time, but it'll pass.

[dyna22]

sky,

 

one teenage girl to another...don't stress it. if he reacted like that when you said you didn't want to sleep with him, he's not worth your time. i'm not saying that he won't realize his mistake and repent, but for now try to let it go. i'm 16 and i understand how you feel from having an ex-boyfriend cheat on me behind my back. at least you know the truth about him now. it may seem hard to deal with but try and realize that you are still on the starting end of the issue. you knew early and that's more than i can say. he's obviously not mature enough to talk to you yet, maybe sometime in the future he will be but until then take care of yourself and try not to worry or be sad about it. you're better off without him. really.

my boyfriend said he was in love with me but when i refused to sleep with him a few days later he was going out with some one else! we had been really close friends but know he has someone else he ignores me, i have no one to talk to, no one understands, i'm 15 i shouldn't have to deal with this. i have tried to talk to him but he just runs away from it

[Totally Confused]

my boyfriend said he was in love with me but when i refused to sleep with him a few days later he was going out with some one else! we had been really close friends but know he has someone else he ignores me, i have no one to talk to, no one understands, i'm 15 i shouldn't have to deal with this. i have tried to talk to him but he just runs away from it

the last thing in the world you probably want to hear is "oh you're young, you have your whole life ahead of you". it makes it seem like this problem that is tearing you up is so insignificant and minor. as whole it might be, which you won't be able to see right away, but right now it is significant. the people giving you advice, including myself, have been there or have seen it happen before and we know that stuff like this passes only to lead to even bigger issues.

 

first of all, this guy did not use you. he could have only used you if he had actually gotten sex from you, which he didn't. he betrayed you as a friend, but he didn't use you for sex, which obviously pisses him off that you weren't stupid enough to fall for his little tricks. you should be very proud of yourself. unfortunately it is true that guys will say "i love you" to get sex from someone. the only way to find out if a guy means it or not is through time and through his actions. when you are sick, does he call you or bring you a soup or a little gift. when you win an award or something special happens in your life, is he there to support you and egg you on. if you have a major crisis, will he be there by your side and hold you when you're crying, giving you support and making you feel better. and most importantly will never, never push you for sex, when the time isn't right and you're not ready. these are qualitites you should be looking for in a man, not some coward who has to lie to get laid. it's pretty sad that he doesn't know what true love is. he may never. he doesn't even know how to be a friend, how could he ever be a good BF. don't compromise yourself. you can only lose your virginity once and make sure it's special and with someone you really care about and he really cares about you. you don't want your first experience to be a horrible one. as for this creep. i wouldn't look at him and say, "i miss his friendship, why won't he be my friend." i'd say, "that guy is a real loser, who isn't worthy of my friendship, i won't let him be friends with me." and that poor girl he's with now, guarantee, if she puts out, he'll either keep using her for sex or drop her like a hot potatoe, but he will be as good of a friend to her as he was to you, basically not one at all. one day, when he grows up, he'll look back at you and totally respect you. feel sorry for the girl he's with now, and know that you'll find a great guy one day. Good luck.