Is it right of me?

[Sare Bear]

Last night I broke up with Jeremy who was my fiancee, my best friend, my strength for almost two years now. I don't know if I have done the right thing. I do not know if I feel the same about him anymore. My stomach no longer knots when I see him, I am patient when I talk to him, not actually interested. And then there is Nathan, who of late has been my knight in shining armour, saving me when I needed rescuing, Being a fantastic conversationalist, and being amazingly like me for someone who grew up on a different continent from I.

 

Jeremy was my fiancee though. I feel like i owe him more effort merely because that is a large commitment. I love spending time with Nathan though. Nathan makes my stomach turn in knots just when I see him. Has books that no one else I know has read, owns cds I have been hunting for for years. It is almost like all the missing parts in my life were found in Nathan. But what about Jeremy? I do still have feelings for him, I do still love him, but how do I find out if I still love him as a fiancee when I live with him and never get time to myself? We were in a very bad patch in our relationship. He has been unemployed for a while and becoming more and more depressed because of it. I have a fabulous new exciting job with wonderful new people and I am blossoming from it. Perhaps I should just try taking him out with me.

 

I know that I should have stopped things with Nathan when they were starting to heat up. I haven't slept with him or anything. i should have just left it at the friend stage. But I have loved the attention and the treatment. I feel special again. But it may be that Jeremy just doesn't feel that good about himself to treat me specially. I am soo soo confused. Nathan is fantastic, but Jeremy was my fiancee. Do I owe him another go?

[Totally Confused]

Last night I broke up with Jeremy who was my fiancee, my best friend, my strength for almost two years now. I don't know if I have done the right thing. I do not know if I feel the same about him anymore. My stomach no longer knots when I see him, I am patient when I talk to him, not actually interested. And then there is Nathan, who of late has been my knight in shining armour, saving me when I needed rescuing, Being a fantastic conversationalist, and being amazingly like me for someone who grew up on a different continent from I. Jeremy was my fiancee though. I feel like i owe him more effort merely because that is a large commitment. I love spending time with Nathan though. Nathan makes my stomach turn in knots just when I see him. Has books that no one else I know has read, owns cds I have been hunting for for years. It is almost like all the missing parts in my life were found in Nathan. But what about Jeremy? I do still have feelings for him, I do still love him, but how do I find out if I still love him as a fiancee when I live with him and never get time to myself? We were in a very bad patch in our relationship. He has been unemployed for a while and becoming more and more depressed because of it. I have a fabulous new exciting job with wonderful new people and I am blossoming from it. Perhaps I should just try taking him out with me. I know that I should have stopped things with Nathan when they were starting to heat up. I haven't slept with him or anything. i should have just left it at the friend stage. But I have loved the attention and the treatment. I feel special again. But it may be that Jeremy just doesn't feel that good about himself to treat me specially. I am soo soo confused. Nathan is fantastic, but Jeremy was my fiancee. Do I owe him another go?

first of all, how old are you? you sound like you need to date more, before you get married to anyone. you don't owe anyone anything, but an honest explanation. love isn't just about feeling knots in the stomache, that's more of an attraction/infatuation with someone. yes you can have knots for someone you're in love with, but the funny feeling ususally fades over time, and that's when you find out if you truly love the person for who they are or not. people are under the misconception that if the funny feeling fades, then they musn't be in love. the knots may fade, but if you still feel a passion or desire to make love with them or have great conversations with them, then you love the person. love is someone that you cannot even imagine not having in your life, that's when you should marry the person. if you think that you could live the rest of your life without Jeremy being in it (an be truthful with yourself) then he's not the one. Now being honest with yourself and looking beyond the funny feeling in your stomach for Nathan, do you think you could live the rest of your life without him? You may find that you don't want either of them in the long run and therefore may not have yet met the man you're going to marry. Relax, you have time. Remember, when you get married, it's for the rest of your life, and when the funny feeling fades, you better make sure you like the person, because that's who you're stuck with. so shop around and don't rush into marriage. make sure that the options you have are even worth wasting your time on. you'd be suprised how many other fish there are that you will be even more compatable with.

[Sue]

I'm going through a similar thing, and I actually just e-mailed this post and the response by 'Totally Confused' to my Nathan. My fiance and I aren't quite broken up yet. I've tried to discuss my concerns with him many times to no avail, and I told him last night that I wasn't sure we should get married. We are going to our counselor tonight, where I'm sure I'm going to tell him that I just don't love him anymore. The hardest part about coming to that conclusion was realizing how much it was going to hurt my fiance to tell him that. He doesn't understand. I got so wrapped up in wanted to be married, that I forgot to look past that. I know that I don't love my fiance because I can't picture spending my life with him. The other guy has helped me talk my way through alot of this and sort out my feelings. In the process, we've developed an incredible relationship where we can tell each other anything and we've discussed our feelings for each other in detail. We believe that we've found soul mates in each other. We have been quite platonic, so this is totally on a mental level. I honestly feel like this person completes me and makes me whole. That sounds corny, but it's true, and I never really believed in that type of thing until I found him. I guess you have to ask yourself if you can picture yourself being happy in 10 years with Jeremy. If you can't than, regardless of your feelings for Nathan, Jeremy is not the one. If you can, go see a counselor ... it will be a great help.

Last night I broke up with Jeremy who was my fiancee, my best friend, my strength for almost two years now. I don't know if I have done the right thing. I do not know if I feel the same about him anymore. My stomach no longer knots when I see him, I am patient when I talk to him, not actually interested. And then there is Nathan, who of late has been my knight in shining armour, saving me when I needed rescuing, Being a fantastic conversationalist, and being amazingly like me for someone who grew up on a different continent from I. Jeremy was my fiancee though. I feel like i owe him more effort merely because that is a large commitment. I love spending time with Nathan though. Nathan makes my stomach turn in knots just when I see him. Has books that no one else I know has read, owns cds I have been hunting for for years. It is almost like all the missing parts in my life were found in Nathan. But what about Jeremy? I do still have feelings for him, I do still love him, but how do I find out if I still love him as a fiancee when I live with him and never get time to myself? We were in a very bad patch in our relationship. He has been unemployed for a while and becoming more and more depressed because of it. I have a fabulous new exciting job with wonderful new people and I am blossoming from it. Perhaps I should just try taking him out with me. I know that I should have stopped things with Nathan when they were starting to heat up. I haven't slept with him or anything. i should have just left it at the friend stage. But I have loved the attention and the treatment. I feel special again. But it may be that Jeremy just doesn't feel that good about himself to treat me specially. I am soo soo confused. Nathan is fantastic, but Jeremy was my fiancee. Do I owe him another go?