am i crazy to be upset about it?

[?]

hi

 

story:

 

i went out with my casual bf/dance partner for a dance lesson

 

then i drove him home

 

then i said on instant messenger that im bored

 

he said - oh, shoulda said smth earlier, we coulda gone out

 

i was like - yeah, we shoulda, maybe next time...

 

so we kept talking for another half n hr, and then he said some friends are coming to pick him up & bye

 

for some reason, i feel crappy about it

 

am i being silly or am i right?

 

i feel like since i said i was bored and he's going out, he shoulda offered that i come? or something?? this is not the first time he does that: we're talking about being bored or wanting to go out, and then he goes off w/ his friends, and i dont get invoted.

 

rude? am i sensitive? how should i act?

 

Thanks

[?]

PS

 

i think he went out with his 'boyz' - a couple more guy-friends - althouhg i'm not sure (pretty sure actually, because he talks abotu them all the time - he goes out with them all the time).

 

so if he offered, i wouldn't have come along...

 

yet still, this situation bothers me. when this kind of thing happened when we were just friends/dance partners, i just said whatever. but now that he wants to be dating, even tho casually, and especially since the relnship hasn't rlly become sexual yet, i thought he'd be more sensitive to me ...

 

What's going on?

 

Thanks.

hi story: i went out with my casual bf/dance partner for a dance lesson then i drove him home then i said on instant messenger that im bored he said - oh, shoulda said smth earlier, we coulda gone out i was like - yeah, we shoulda, maybe next time... so we kept talking for another half n hr, and then he said some friends are coming to pick him up & bye for some reason, i feel crappy about it am i being silly or am i right? i feel like since i said i was bored and he's going out, he shoulda offered that i come? or something?? this is not the first time he does that: we're talking about being bored or wanting to go out, and then he goes off w/ his friends, and i dont get invoted. rude? am i sensitive? how should i act? Thanks

[baby blue]

well, he sounds like the typical guy. like most guys, your guy is putting his friends first. i think nex time you two talk, just come out and ask him if he wants to hang out friday. you may even suggest just going to the mall to pick up xmas stuff-he may need to do some shopping.

 

if he says its cool, and then goes out with his friends instead, it's time to find a new dance partner.

 

but give him one more chance, guys really don't understand how insensitive they can be. o and whatever you do, don't say anything negitive about his friends, don't act sad or whatever when he goes out with them.

hi story: i went out with my casual bf/dance partner for a dance lesson then i drove him home then i said on instant messenger that im bored he said - oh, shoulda said smth earlier, we coulda gone out i was like - yeah, we shoulda, maybe next time... so we kept talking for another half n hr, and then he said some friends are coming to pick him up & bye for some reason, i feel crappy about it am i being silly or am i right? i feel like since i said i was bored and he's going out, he shoulda offered that i come? or something?? this is not the first time he does that: we're talking about being bored or wanting to go out, and then he goes off w/ his friends, and i dont get invoted. rude? am i sensitive? how should i act? Thanks

[?]

hey thanks for yr response

 

when we make plans - he always keeps them. never ever cancels unless he's sick or something.

 

but when we're just both at home, talking about going out & being bored, he'll just go off with his friends & not bother with the fact that im still at home.

 

i can occupy myself, i can go out w/ others - thats not the issue. the issue is that he takes care of himself, and doesn't care about what i do.

 

well, he sounds like the typical guy. like most guys, your guy is putting his friends first. i think nex time you two talk, just come out and ask him if he wants to hang out friday. you may even suggest just going to the mall to pick up xmas stuff-he may need to do some shopping. if he says its cool, and then goes out with his friends instead, it's time to find a new dance partner. but give him one more chance, guys really don't understand how insensitive they can be. o and whatever you do, don't say anything negitive about his friends, don't act sad or whatever when he goes out with them.

[Tony T]

He has no obligation whatsoever to invite you to anything. You are responsible for your boredom, not anyone else. Don't put your unhappiness off on anyone and don't think anybody else has to come to your rescue.

 

When you're bored or unhappy, create your own opportunities. Your friend certainly did that for himself. Call other friends, go take a ride, call someone on the phone, go see a movie, take a walk, watch TV or whatever.

 

Your dance partner has no responsibility to you whatsoever and it's a little wacky to be upset because he's going out with friends.

 

I don't think you're rude, sensitive, etc. I think you need to adjust your thought processes.

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "the issue is that he takes care of himself, and doesn't care about what i do."

 

It's extremely rational and sane to take care of one's own needs. You'd do well to learn that for yourself.

 

The real issue here is that if you don't want to be bored, find ways to enrich your life so others will find you interesting and desire to be around you more. Books, classes, etc. are excellent ways to make yourself a more well-rounded human being.

 

And did you ever stop to think how UNsexy it is for anyone to say they are bored. That implies they are bored with their lives and themselves. Nobody wants to be around someone like that. No wonder your partner wants to go out with the group of people who are not bored with their lives. Exciting people do not get bored because they live exciting lives and they take decisive action to ensure their lives are packed with adventure.

 

Today is the day to turn your life around forever and be the exciting person you need to be...if you want to get over this issue.

 

Again, don't blame one person in the world but yourself for this one.

[?]

True true!

 

Thanks.

 

I guess i'm spoiled by some other guys who say ill come pick u up in 15 mins whenever i say im bored...

He has no obligation whatsoever to invite you to anything. You are responsible for your boredom, not anyone else. Don't put your unhappiness off on anyone and don't think anybody else has to come to your rescue. When you're bored or unhappy, create your own opportunities. Your friend certainly did that for himself. Call other friends, go take a ride, call someone on the phone, go see a movie, take a walk, watch TV or whatever. Your dance partner has no responsibility to you whatsoever and it's a little wacky to be upset because he's going out with friends. I don't think you're rude, sensitive, etc. I think you need to adjust your thought processes.

 

[?]

Hmm, true again.

 

Ok, i got your line of thinking.

YOU WRITE: "the issue is that he takes care of himself, and doesn't care about what i do." It's extremely rational and sane to take care of one's own needs. You'd do well to learn that for yourself. The real issue here is that if you don't want to be bored, find ways to enrich your life so others will find you interesting and desire to be around you more. Books, classes, etc. are excellent ways to make yourself a more well-rounded human being. And did you ever stop to think how UNsexy it is for anyone to say they are bored. That implies they are bored with their lives and themselves. Nobody wants to be around someone like that. No wonder your partner wants to go out with the group of people who are not bored with their lives. Exciting people do not get bored because they live exciting lives and they take decisive action to ensure their lives are packed with adventure.

 

Today is the day to turn your life around forever and be the exciting person you need to be...if you want to get over this issue. Again, don't blame one person in the world but yourself for this one.

[kazza]

don't be stupid if he never wants to hang out with you then don't see him anymore just tell him you don't feel right with him because you feel that he doesn't want to be with you in public stuff him