Typical behavior for men after breakup?

[Guest]

I don't know if this is the right place for this thread but here goes anyway..

 

What is typical behavior for men after a break-up? Is there any typical behavior?

 

My ex and I broke up 3 weeks ago. We were together 2+ years. Although I was the one who moved out of the house we own together, I did so because of his ups and downs concerning our relationship and himself. We both need some space, but are considering reconciling.

 

Anyway, to the point: Is there any typical behavior for men after a breakup? I've been to the house daily to continue picking up my things, and it is obvious that he is looking at porn/masturbating on a daily basis.

 

When we were together, we had sex on average 1x per week (usually weekends) although I always wanted and tried to inititiate more. He was always too tired during the week due to his 10-12 hour per day labor job. He looked at porn in the beginning of our relationship, but stopped when we moved in together (yes, I KNOW he stopped for certain).

 

So I'm curious as to this DAILY ritual now? Is this typical after a breakup (considering our sex life of 1x per week when we were together)? I don't want to overthink things, but I want to be cautious in getting back together if this implies something is amiss.

 

Thanks. (Guys go easy on me here...

[amaysngrace]

I'm not a guy so maybe I shouldn't speculate. But, being a woman, I'm gonna anyway.

 

I think it's been forbidden and now that the cat's away, the mouse is playing. Maybe doing it often because he's making up for lost time.

 

I think it's good, in a way, that he isn't actually hooking up with females. I think he is remaining faithful to you in that regard. And keeping himself 'clean' in case you get back together.

 

I wouldn't sweat it. IMO, he's just being a guy the best way he knows how.

[Guest]

I think it's been forbidden and now that the cat's away, the mouse is playing. Maybe doing it often because he's making up for lost time.

 

Thanks Amaysn....that's what I was thinking too. I just hope that if we do reconcile, this isn't going to become an issue because he became so used to his daily distraction (so to speak) while we were apart. And yes, it's much better than him hooking up with other women!

[Guest]

I am a 24 year old from Oregon who just got dumped last night, and I can say this......he's fine. Honestly, masturbation is not really viewed as a sexual thing with guys, depending on the situation. More often than not, you're just bored. It's fun, feels good, and it passes the time. It is a reaction to the break. He probably doesn't want to hook up with women, and sex isn't the issue. I think he is just overly bored and its a great to kill 15 minutes sometimes. Hopefully this is helpful to you in some way! Oh and as for my break up last night, if you were wondering, I'm actually doing ok. She was an ex from a while ago, and we hadn't talked in a while, and randomly found our way back to each other, and now, well, here I am. Oh well, I remeber what it took to get over her in the first place. anyway, hope you work everything out!

 

-Matt

[juniper fumes]

I'm confused...are you broken up, or taking a break? Because if you are broken up, then it really doesn't matter if he's masturbating to porn, live strippers, or hooking up at the end of a date, right? He can "legally" do those things now; he has no committment to anyone.

 

But I am not completely callous! I know that it takes some time for the behavior of recent exes to stop bothering us. And being replaced, even by some photos on the internet, is never a nice thing. I understand that well, and I do not mean to make light of your feelings.

 

I guess I am more confused about why you are asking if this is normal. I think it's normal and healthy for both men and women to maintain an active sex life. And there are some times when masturbation and porn are what's bringing satisfaction, and there are times when you are lucky enough to have access to a significant other often enough that s/he is your primary source of satisfaction. I even think that sometimes, one might need both of these things. Or nothing at all.

 

From personal experience, I would say that yes, it is typical for a person to tap into porn as a source of sexual release after losing his or her partner. Part of the loss of the relationship involves the loss of its physical aspects. Plus, masturbation may be a way for him to work out some of the stress and tension related to the break-up.

 

Porn is something that people have different comfort levels with. I personally feel that as long as it isn't eating away tremendous amounts of money, or interfering with our time together, my SO can look at as much porn as he likes. And I do the same...though I am a woman, there are times when I enjoy looking at porn and/or masturbating. This works out for both of us sometimes; we'll rent or buy a movie together and have a lot of fun watching it. It's funny, fun, and sexy to us.

 

But I'm not you. If you get back with your ex, and you have objections to the way he uses porn, then, as with any issue, I think it's just up to you to tell him that up front. You'll have to figure out exactly what you're comfortable with, and how to communicate that to him. And it will be up to him to decide if he is okay with what makes you feel comfortable. It's always about compromise.

 

Best of luck to you, whether it's with him or another lucky guy!

[FredTravels]

He was probably jerking off daily when you were together. I am a guy--trust me. Sometimes (often) it is a lot easier and a lot more satisfying physically to handle it yourself rather than all the bells and whistles that are required of a SO--especially one who "made me stop looking at porn". Just my opinion.