Awkward relationship with ex...

[lostinmymind]

I haven't been here in awhile, probably about a year.

 

My ex-girlfriend and I broke up around May last year with her wanting to try new things and she met a new guy. I did everything I shouldn't have and pushed her away pretty badly. We continued to occasionally talk and she made it clear she still wanted me in her life. Off and on we would go through periods of not talking at all for extended periods of time and then she would always contact me. She broke up with her new guy of a few months and has been meeting new guys, but nothing has seemed to work out for her. We even occasionally started hanging out and talking very often for a few weeks (we lived in the same building). I still love her and I miss her although I am past the desperate sadness of a breakup. It still hurts to think about her and there are times when I just feel like I might lose it, she always seems to creep into my mind. Whenever I'm doing something exciting or fun I think of her being there to share it with. Fortunately I can always bring myself to grips and get on with things.

 

That's a little background I suppose.

 

I was thinking we might reconcile this summer (even if just as friends), but it hasn't happened. We got into a huge fight which ended in her being very mean and calling me mean things. I broke all contact with her for about a month and was pretty much prepared to keep NC indefinitely. Then one day I received an IM from her telling me she had a dream about me (I'll spare the details, but it wasn't sexual) and that hopefully I wouldn't think she was such a bitch. Needless to say I talked to her occasionally (every few days) after that. She was very nice and acted genuingly interested in my life. Then suddenly she became mean and annoyed with me. We had arranged to hang out one night and she was mean on the phone and acted all awkward when we met up at first. She gives me weird looks and LOVES to mock me. I also catch her staring at me when I'm looking away. We talked and it was ok, but she was critical of everything I said or did. (Like a naggy wife ) She blurted out, "So how is your hunt for a nice girlfriend going?" (I had finding a nice girlfriend as one of my summer plans on my facebook). She also occasionally brings up memories we had together and past aspects of our relationship. By the end of the evening she was acting polite towards me, constantly saying my name.

 

Since then we haven't hung out and she has sent me a few messages on my facebook and through IMs attempting to criticize things I do although we haven't spent much time actually conversing. ("Do you need to update your facebook so much!?", "That song isn't THAT good"..in response to the lyrics I had in my away message online) I just ignore these I commented back to one on her facebook trying to play it off as a joke...she deleted my comment. If I say anything to her about her attitude she freaks and flips it around on me and says I need to get over myself.

 

Overall she acts more awkward around me than I do around her and she seems particularly concerned with anything off about my appearance and has to mention it.

 

She is acting very immature and un-grown up about this. In fact...she has been acting like this in all aspects of her life (acting obsessed with partying, acting all fake girlie "I LOVE YOU GIRL!!" with her new party friends, liking any new guy that gives her any attention whatsoever) She always mentions how fat she is...she isn't. Or how bad she looks...she always looks pretty. Yet she insists I need to grow up and act my age. She was NOT like this before and it seems to be getting worse. (BTW I am 20 she is 19, both young so I don't get the acting my age thing...).

 

I'm a really well rounded guy and probably a good catch (if someone would actually find me ). I'm decent looking, funny, I'm working on a degree in engineering, and I'm genuingly nice and very generous.

 

I'm having a hard time coming to grips with her changes and it's my gut feeling that the old her is still buried underneath. For now though she thinks she can be as mean as she wants and walk in and out of people's lives as she pleases (actually it's probably just me she does this to). Maybe I'm just being taught the life lesson that people change and I'm having a hard time accepting it.

 

Is she going through a 'stupid b****' phase? Why is she so hot/cold towards me? She talks about how her other friends are friends with their ex's so why is it so hard for her then? Does she act weird because she stills feels some kind of connection to me and doesn't know how to handle it? I know I messed up and did everything I shouldn't have when she broke up with me, but she won't put it past me. I have been keeping my distance as much as possible because i just don't know what to do with her. I want to ask her to hang out, but at the same time I don't know what the h*ll to do with her. I just need some advice on how to deal with this girl.

 

I'm really confused because I feel in my heart that I still love her. Please give me some positive advice, I don't need anyone telling me I'm an idiot. I'm past the purely emotional reaction of people that have just broken up and I just need to look at things logically. Also, if any girls/women can give me insight on how she is acting that would be great. I feel like I can't give up on this girl completely or I'll regret it in the future somehow...

 

Thanks to anyone who responds. I'm going to go sit in the pool for the rest of the evening because it's insanely hot out right now.

[2020vision]

As many people will tell you I am sure, that you need to do NC. She is obviously rejecting you and you need to recognize it. sorry if that sounded harsh. She seriously sounds like a b*tch. And who cares if its just a phase?? You cannot depend on that and should not have to try to remain semi-friends with someone in hopes they will someday want to be in a relationship with you again.

 

She does sound a lot like my ex in a way. After we broke up, he would walk in and out of my life at his own will and all the while he was with someone else. He also has a pesky habit of putting people down. I believe people like that do this to make themselves feel better. For instance, I got a new job a few years back and it was quite a large promotion and I got an assistant. I was having problems with her and was conveying these problems to him and he snaps on me and goes "GOD, you really need to get a grip. You think you are so special..blah blah blah" and just went off on me. Its funny because he always told me that I thought I was so full of myself, when it was obvious that I am not if I was putting up with his crap!

 

Point is, you need to move on. She has issues that can't be fixed and you keep getting sucked back in. Good luck!

 

-2020