another Qn - maybe tony can explain why my thinking is wrong again :)

[?]

hey

 

here's the story:

 

there's a guy who's really show-offy... he says it with irony, i guess, but he's always blabbing about how perfect he is, how happy he is, how great his life is, how confident he is, etc etc ... he'll say that life is mediocre now n then, but that's rare.

 

so - i'm wondering, since i dont know human psych too well - what stands behind it?

 

i have previously found that lots of people who acted very confident were in reality very inconfident when u get to know them better ...

 

so what is such a show-off guy hiding?

 

here's some more description:

 

he works out a lot, and blabs to everyone about his 6-pack

 

he goes to a hard college, and blabs how lil work he does to get his good marks and how he chose this program because it's so easy for him

 

etc

 

i wonder if he does that only to girls?

 

he has only had one relationship, and that didn't go well.

 

thats the only aspect of his life he's unhappy with - but again, he says its quality not quantity, so he's not rlly disappointed that he has only had one gf in his 20 and a bit years ...

 

some help figuring out what hides this ironic show-offness?

 

Thanks

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "some help figuring out what hides this ironic show-offness?"

 

One of the more simple questions of the day!!!

 

This guy has a major inferiority complex. People who do not feel fulfilled or complete must convince themselves of their superiority by constantly building themselves up and informing others.

 

Conversely, people who constantly put others down do so to make themselves look or feel better. Otherwise, there's no reason to viciously attack or be critical of other's shortcomings.

 

Loneliness also plays an important factor but it's a vicious cycle. The more a person shows off and brags on himself, the more people are replused and stay away. The more people stay away from him, the more he builds himself up to show others he's worthy of their company.

 

One day, he'll catch on and get some humility.

 

I'm not a religious nut but one of my favorite Biblical passages comes from Proverbs. "He who exalts himself shall be humbled and he who humbles himself shall be exalted." Works that way every time.

 

This isn't a guy I would hang around with but if you're close to him, let him know his constant self-kudos do nothing but drive people away from him.

 

I really feel sorry for this dude.

[?]

Hi Tony!

 

Okay, so you confirmed what i thoughts ... even though it's all said ironically, he does have an inferiority complex.

 

hmm! the thing is - he really is pretty cool, just not perfect like he blabs ... that's why i hang out with him... and i usually simply laugh at his perfection claims, and he laughs with me.

 

so - is there a way i can jokingly show him that he needs not do that??

 

i was thinking of acting like him once so he'd see what it looks like ... but it's hard!! i'm too critical of myself to blab about my perfection for over 10 mins, hehe...

 

any suggestions of softly telling him?

 

Thanks.

YOU ASK: "some help figuring out what hides this ironic show-offness?" One of the more simple questions of the day!!!

 

This guy has a major inferiority complex. People who do not feel fulfilled or complete must convince themselves of their superiority by constantly building themselves up and informing others. Conversely, people who constantly put others down do so to make themselves look or feel better. Otherwise, there's no reason to viciously attack or be critical of other's shortcomings. Loneliness also plays an important factor but it's a vicious cycle. The more a person shows off and brags on himself, the more people are replused and stay away. The more people stay away from him, the more he builds himself up to show others he's worthy of their company. One day, he'll catch on and get some humility.

 

I'm not a religious nut but one of my favorite Biblical passages comes from Proverbs. "He who exalts himself shall be humbled and he who humbles himself shall be exalted." Works that way every time. This isn't a guy I would hang around with but if you're close to him, let him know his constant self-kudos do nothing but drive people away from him. I really feel sorry for this dude.

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "any suggestions of softly telling him?"

 

You don't need to tell him "softly" because his ego wouldn't hear it. You need to simply tell him the facts...that his boastfulness sometimes goes a little too far and he needs to tame it down.

 

Also tell him he has made the point with everybody around him just how wonderful he is...and it's time to go on to other topics. If he's so great, he won't have problems discussing other issues.

 

There's no other wait but to be straightforward and honest. You need to let him know just how pathetic he sounds and just what other people think about his selfcenteredness.

 

If he gets upset, he'll get over it. But you have got to get him to think about what he's doing and the consequences he will pay. He is obviously not getting the results he seeks by being so proud of himself.

[?]

Yeah, he definitely aint getting the results.

 

Every time i see him, i get this slightly unplesant feeling. it took me a while to figure out why i get it - precisely b/c of his show-offy comments. even if u realize his complex, a bombardment of those comments make u feel icky ...

 

Anyway, thanks a lot - i'll mention it to him next time we get together

 

YOU ASK: "any suggestions of softly telling him?" You don't need to tell him "softly" because his ego wouldn't hear it. You need to simply tell him the facts...that his boastfulness sometimes goes a little too far and he needs to tame it down. Also tell him he has made the point with everybody around him just how wonderful he is...and it's time to go on to other topics. If he's so great, he won't have problems discussing other issues. There's no other wait but to be straightforward and honest. You need to let him know just how pathetic he sounds and just what other people think about his selfcenteredness. If he gets upset, he'll get over it. But you have got to get him to think about what he's doing and the consequences he will pay. He is obviously not getting the results he seeks by being so proud of himself.