avellana Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]I was ending a long term relationship when I met my gf. She was having issues with her marriage and saw this as a common thread between us. I’ve progressed beyond my situation, but four years later she is still in the same place- actually she’s worse off. It seems that all we have in common are problems. I’ve told her that I don’t want to do the misery loves company thing. I just don’t see an end to it. She has made her life what it is- a complete disaster. She's unable to establish boundaries and then gets upset with everyone around her. I’ve tried to control the situation so that I don’t get blamed, but it isn’t working. I’m now the bad guy. I told her that I wanted to spend time on my own. I know a lot of people, but I really don’t have many close friends. Everyone I attract is totally screwed up. Any words of advice? [/FONT][/sIZE]
alphamale Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 Any words of advice? yes...bird of a feather flock together. In other words, if you want to discover who you are take a good hard look at the people around you.
Outcast Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 Life isn't lived by aphorisms. I suspect she saw your strength and glommed onto you because she has little of her own. You'll find that will happen so you have to keep an eye out for these sorts of 'fixer-upper' projects. Some people do grow, change, and learn. Some people remain firmly stuck in their ruts for a lifetime. I think this lady is one of the latter. You're right to recognize it as hopeless.
Author avellana Posted July 15, 2006 Author Posted July 15, 2006 I agree. When I was going through my transition in life, was too accepting/understanding of people and their issues because i was having to so many of my own. But there's more to it. I'm a strong person, and I always seem to be the more stable and responsible person in my relationships. I look for people that I think are nice/good people (honest, thoughtful, etc.), but they turn out to be completely disfunctional. I really am struggling with the definition of nice. I guess if someone proves that they don't have good boundaries, i should run. I really don't want to be a therapist and i don't want friends who are dependents. I just don't know how to weed them out.
westernxer Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 She was having issues with her marriage and saw this as a common thread between us. So, you hooked up with a married chick? Nice...
Outcast Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 I really don't want to be a therapist and i don't want friends who are dependents Exactly. People are attracted sometimes to people who'll fill in their gaps.
Author avellana Posted July 15, 2006 Author Posted July 15, 2006 So, you hooked up with a married chick? Nice... Thanks for the visual. Sorry to disappoint- no hook up.
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