Poboy Posted July 16, 2006 Share Posted July 16, 2006 I was good friends with this girl whom i met 3 months back ( im 25 she's 23 ) , we went for movies , friendly dates etc and go to know each other quite well... then , she had to move for her future studies for 2 years. Before leaving , i told her how i feel about her ( i really like this girl and want to be with her ) ... initially, she wasnt sure about it because both of us have never been in a LDR and the fact that we knew each other just for 3 months and she will be away for 2 yrs. We kept in touch through phone calls , emails etc and 2 weeks after she left , she told me thta she cant stop thinking of me and dont want to loose me to someone else and so she agreed to the relationship. We maintained daily contacts etc. Some problems arose during this time 1) This is her first relationship so she is not comfortable being romantic n all on the phone and email... we just talk normal daily stuff... I do say romantic things etc but she cant. She says 'She doesnt know how to express those feelings to me'. 2) I travelled 1000 Kms after she said Yes to the relationship just to be with her for 2 days , we met we met , we spent a lot of time together but no physical intimacy at all... When i asked her , she says - we are still not there and it will take her time. I told her we are already in LDR and wont be able to meet for next 3 months and only like three times a year , things will be difficult if you cant move from the good friends to the relationship aspect ... she says - im not to comfortable in expressing things and feelings easily since its her 1st relationship and she is uncomfortable about physical aspect of the whole thing and doesnt want to rush things ( we didnt even kiss ) 3) I got her some gifts and she didnt gift me anything for which i got bugged... So when i asked her , she says i dont gift very often to people . I questioned her , whether she has moved from the good friends to the relationship aspect in her mind and heart, she says - yes but i doubt she has... I trust her and know she is not involved with anyone else , she is quite shy and has always said that she is finds it difficult to communicate her feelings and romantic stuff on phone n email and says that it will take time for her to do that and more time for the physical aspect too... I really like her but these things have bothered me immensely cause Im quite the emotional guy and want her to be romantic in our conversations ( how long can we just talk about daily stuff in a LDR without her not saying about how much he likes me , misses me etc ) and i also wanted to be close phyiscally when i was there but didnt even share a kiss. I dont know whether i should wait for her to be comfortable n all that ... plus im not sure if she will be in the future cause we wont be able to meet for next 3 months and just talk on phone n emailing... I like this girl a lot but all these strange aspects is bothering me a lot , will we go somewhere or am i with a wrong kind of girl who basically has no idea about what to do in a relationship... Please Help Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poboy Posted July 18, 2006 Author Share Posted July 18, 2006 anyone with some inputs please ? Link to post Share on other sites
tearful_soul22 Posted July 18, 2006 Share Posted July 18, 2006 First of all you need to be patient. It might be her first ldr, hence, she is not comfortable yet and is trying to adjust to the new situation. Having some distance between the two of you could be considered a blessing in disguise, allowing you to come to know her in many ways that close proximity could stifle..and let's not forget that if you're in close proximity it can breed taking for granted the opportunity to talk at any time, which can also lead to physical intimacy before you are both ready! Distance combined with telephone calls, writing electronically or through snail mail can foster an enviable intimacy which results from learning about another's qualities, values, ways of thinking, sensitivities, so forth and so on. This type of relationship can make your coming together much more special and yes, ldr's can work for some people no matter how tough it can be sometimes. What i suggest is that you and her should talk about what you're both feeling, what your concerns are, where you see yourself going in this relationship and begin strategizing ways to make your relationship not only strong but worth both your time and effort. You both have many alternatives as to how to approach this issue. The key here is that you need to make this decision together. But with patience, understanding and not to mention, compromising....your relationship has a chance of progressing and surviving despite the distance. Good luck and I wish you both the best! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poboy Posted July 19, 2006 Author Share Posted July 19, 2006 Thank you tearful soul22 I too had thought about this a lot and after reading your post , i understand i have to be more patient in this case. I have connected with her emotionally on levels i never have with any other woman i have been with which is great. i know she is the one for me , just that i had some doubts which needed to be cleared. I spoke to her and we have agreed to be more open and communicative so that we can solve any little issue which might come in our minds . anymore more tips will be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
lil_angel Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 another tip about the "romantic talk" and LDRs. while by no means a bad thing to express affection or missing each other etc. it should not be 90% of your conversation, or the main thing you talk about. daily stuff IS more important. its being involved w/ each other's lives, keeping up w/ each other, really getting to know each other and changing w/ each other. you cant base an entire relationship on looking lovingly into each other's eyes or cuddling on the couch. those things of course have their rightful place and are good, but they're the product, not the root. a common LDR trap is that during the distance all you can talk or think about is "i want to hold you" "i want to be with you" "i want to see you" "i miss you" etc. then what happens when teh distance is eliminated? for like a week or so, its the "honeymoon period", and everythign is great. but after that wears off, you start to realize how little your relationship is based on. now that you cant talk about missing each other and wanting each other, what do you talk about? now that you're not sitting at a computer typing or on the phone, what do you do togehter? you realize how little you know about each other's interests, friends, habits, all the little day to day things that you never think about. and that's waht kills a relationship. also, yes, give her time. i remember my first relationship when i was 17. i felt things toward him i had never felt for anyone, and i am not naturally a sentimental or "touchy feely" person. it was extremely difficult for me to tell him or show him how i felt because i just didnt know how. my heart was totally there, my experience just hadnt caught up yet. when he said things to me, liek told me how beautiful i was, i honestly appreciated and loved it, but i never knew what to say back to him. so give her time and the benefit of the doubt. although i understand your frustration and all, be grateful that you still are keeping the close friends aspect of the relationship, because thats the most important foundation of all, if that erodes so does everything else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poboy Posted August 19, 2006 Author Share Posted August 19, 2006 I tried my best but its over She said she thought she had something for me but that wasnt the case , she said She made a mistake in understanding her emotions for me I questioned her , whether she has moved from the good friends to the relationship aspect in her mind and heart, she says - yes but i doubt she has... I was right ... she never moved from the friends zone Wow , I cant believe its over Link to post Share on other sites
BohemeRose Posted August 19, 2006 Share Posted August 19, 2006 I tried my best but its over She said she thought she had something for me but that wasnt the case , she said She made a mistake in understanding her emotions for me I was right ... she never moved from the friends zone Wow , I cant believe its over I'm sorry to hear that Poboy, but in your heart of hearts I'm sure you know it's for the best. Maybe in a few years time when she's done with her studies and grown more as a person you two will cross paths again. Until then, don't close yourself out to other romantic options. Feel better, bud. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poboy Posted August 19, 2006 Author Share Posted August 19, 2006 thank you BohemeRose , i know ... im pretty strong hearted so ill move on in due time , done it before so i know ... just hope the process is kinda smooth lol Link to post Share on other sites
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