Warning to the ladies (Myspace)

[Columbo]

I want to warn all our female users on here of a guy who uses Myspace. I did not actually originally meet him through Myspace, but through his own official website. I will not post his name here but please feel free to PM me and I will send you links to his pages (he has more than one!!!!) I am very concerned as his behaviour is alarming, especially given that his business enterprises are female-orientated. He is also a celebrity..

 

I spent 4 years writing to this guy during a very long term, debilitating illness - he is in the US and I am in the UK. I used to send him Xmas and birthday gifts - nothing huge, but I now know that many other women have been doing the same thing.

 

Right from the start, he kept talking about coming to see me - i never suggested meeting him. As time went by, I decided that as I hadn't had holiday in years and I was gradually recovering, I would save up and make plans to travel to see him. In the end, I spent $4000 on flights, hotel and taxi fares..

 

Basically, the guy is a lying scumbag. He made me make my own way to and from the airport, and left me alone for 10 days in 110 degree heat - which for me, was exhausting and potentially fatal. He only wanted to see me at his business premises - which happened to be a tacky nightclub - I assume he only wanted money from me, as his business isn't doing that well. He admitted to taking drugs and offered on two occasions to supply them, and on the final night of my stay, he attacked me when I was alone - I stayed back at the end of the night as I wanted to say goodbye and give him a book I had bought, showing him how different my city was to LA. Later that evening, he told everyone he present that he had just signed up to Myspace.

 

To cut a long story short, when I came back to England I somehow managed to access his Myspace account, and found that the guy who was 'too busy' with work was actually on Myspace, working on his next victims. When I tried to warn these women off, he tried to claim that we had never met and I was just a stalker - I have every email that we ever exchanged and photos of the two of us together, one of which is embarrassing for him as he clearly has a boner..

 

I've since discovered that this guy is into gay porn (he has used at least 4 gay pornstar names as aliases online) and even his home phone number is registered in such a name..just made the connection when I spotted the other Myspace accounts under fake names..He is also into BDSM and other activities which most people would find more than a little creepy..

 

He has now moved onto another women, who incidentally is the mirror image of myself. Of course, he has turned on the charm and convinced her that I am lying.

 

So ladies (and gentlemen) if you would like to know who this is, send me a PM! If one less person gets hurt/used by this guy, at least something positive will have come of it..

[Chinook]

So ladies (and gentlemen) if you would like to know who this is, send me a PM! If one less person gets hurt/used by this guy, at least something positive will have come of it..

 

Ugh.

 

Unfortunately though, these people are two-a-penny out there. I had the same thing happen to me last year. Not exactly the same but a lying scumbag who wanted to get access to my 'estate' by leaving his wife and family (who I knew nothing about and in fact, am convinced the wife was probably part of it all).

 

The thing is though, that by telling others what happened and posting this, you're likely to just be seen as someone with a grudge and in addition to that, someone who could well be liable for slander. I know it's hard but I really think your best bet is to just walk away and avoid all contact with anything to do with this person.

 

As for me, the only place I post on the internet now is here and another relationship board. Other than that I don't surf online and I definitely do not get into emailing, instant messaging etc. For me, my friends and potential relationships are going to have to exist in the real world. The internet is great... unfortunately some people are not. For me, getting to know people and who they are is paramount. Sometimes, you cannot do that at all with people through email and IM. I have one friend who I've been in contact with for nearly 3 years and I've never met him... but even him... I have no intention of meeting and no intention of developing anything further than a penpal like friendship.

[Columbo]

I'm not worried about slander - I have nothing he can sue me for..He isn't a major league celebrity with a bunch of attorneys at his beck and call..If anything, the reason why he is trying to talk these other women into meeting him is so that he can get himself out of debt - he borrowed thousands of dollars from investors to pay for the startup of his business.

 

I agree with you in that I will not be meeting anyone who I talk to through the Net, I only made the exception for this one as he came from a respected family, and given his status, I felt that he would not be dishonest. Obviously, you do not know who he is, but if you did you would see why it would be detrimental to his career - nobody would want to work with him or employ him - gay, straight, male or female..

 

Anyone want the rights to the story (LOL)..It'd make a great movie..

[Chinook]

Glad you seem to know what you're doing. Just be careful.

[The slayer]

Sorry to hear you have both had bad experiences. The big problem with meeting people on the internet, is that unlike the editing programmes, what you see is not always what you get. The problem is that you often wont see the red flags that would be immediately apparant if you met the person in real life. Having said that it is also possible to meet people that you may never have had the chance to meet any other way, my Sister, for example is very happily married to someone she met on line

 

Just like real life the people on line can be good or bad, IMHO anyone who is thinking of meeting someone in real life should only do so if they are fully prepared for the worst in terms of both ther physical and emotional safety.

 

Unfortunately as a new member Columbo you won't be able to PM people, but I think it would be wise to assume that anyone on Myspace could be the man you met.

 

Hope you are ok and welcome to LS

[Tony T]

The shocking thing about all of this is that women would actually have to be warned about flying thousands of miles to see some stranger without doing major detective work and making advanced arrangements to be sure all is safe.

 

It's a dangerous world out there. I think online dating is a good thing but there are some bad people and I think it's always a good thing to take great precautions.

 

Meeting someone in your own town is always best because you can see them a number of times before actually going into space where the two of you are alone. People are more easily checked out for record and reputation.

 

Flying thousands of miles to see someone you only know from the Internet is very scary.

 

I would report this to the myspace people if you really want to do something positive.

[Chinook]

Oh Slayer, I agree with you. I met my X way back 10 years ago when the internet was nowhere near like it is now. Luckily though, he was in my town.. he was a person I'd met previously and our paths had crossed many times in real life - but we'd never really met each other. We talked online and it was great. But as soon as we started dating that stopped. It IS possible to meet people who are great... but not everyone is who they say they are and the trick is working those people out from the genuine ones. These days I don't bother with internet 'dating' etc because it's too time consuming. I'd rather meet someone from everyday life and if that doesn't happen... well, so what..?!!

[Columbo]

I was somewhat restricted in how I could meet people as I was recovering from an illness (mono/glandular fever) which at one point made my weight drop to just 60 pounds. I am 5ft 6 inches tall..

 

Needless to say, no matter who someone is and what they claim to be, the Internet is offbounds to me.

 

As for Myspace, they don't seem to want to do anything - perhaps they will if he does the same thing again and someone sues Myspace for allowing this predator to remain on there..

[alphamale]

I would report this to the myspace people if you really want to do something positive.

Right! And what are they gonna do? Close down his web page? I'm sure he'll be shaking in his boots

[The slayer]

How long would it take before I can PM people or vice-versa..

 

 

From what I understand it's a combination of your length of membership and how much you have participated within the community i.e. how many posts you make.

 

I wouldn't focus on it though, the point of LS is that it is a community.

 

Chinnook...way to go! I think getting to the point where you think, so what if I don't meet someone is the place to be

 

That also made me think that people who are internet dating probably fall into one of two categories....

 

either they want to cut the crap and just meet someone OR they are just out for what they can get.

 

Which is a bit of a fatal combination if one meets up with the other! I think a good tip if you really want to meet someone, is to only look for people who are geographically close to you and meet them very quickly,that way you avoid making either an emmotional or financial investment before discovering they are not what you are looking for.

 

There is also a huge value in having an online friendship with someone that you never meet.

[Tony T]

Right! And what are they gonna do? Close down his web page? I'm sure he'll be shaking in his boots

 

No, actually they will conduct a thorough investigation. Myspace is under a great deal of government scrutiny at present for a lot of crime which has come out of the use of their website. They truly don't want anymore bad publicity.

 

The poster obviously was not assertive or convincing enough in getting her point across to these people or they would have taken instant action. On the other hand, I don't know the complete details of all this. Myspace cannot be responsible for personal exchanges that occur beyond their jurisdiction.

[Columbo]

I have copied my post to Myspace - though as to whether they will do anything..

[alphamale]

- though as to whether they will do anything..

They won't do anything unless there is a major investigation from the authorities (police, FBI, etc...). They must have 10,000,000 web pages to deal with.

[Tony T]

They won't do anything unless there is a major investigation from the authorities (police, FBI, etc...). They must have 10,000,000 web pages to deal with.

 

If she presents sufficient information, it will only take them a minute to shut down his web pages and flag his ISP address.

[The slayer]

The thing is I can't see what responsability Myspace would have here, the OP didn't meet him on Myspace and what really has he done wrong beyond being less than genuine and a bit of an arsehole?

[westernxer]

Do you blame yourself at all for this little misadventure?

[Columbo]

Actually I don't blame myself at all, to the last poster.

 

Perhaps in your next life, you will come back as a female and be cornered by someone who is twice your size whilst (he) is high on substances unknown, and then maybe you would be anxious to ensure that it doesn't happen to someone else.

 

If you knew who this person was, you would have no reason to question anything he said or his motives..in fact, you would be as shocked as I was to be subjected to what I was subjected to, and to find out what a double life he leads..

[westernxer]

You spent 4K in your transcontinental flight, and he deserted you for 10 days... not saying you weren't a victim here, but defaming this guy isn't going to make you any smarter. It just makes you look obsessive.

 

Take some responsibility and learn from your errors.

[The slayer]

I'm with Westernxer here I'm afraid.

 

Only you can take responsibility for your own personal safety.

 

As a woman I would never cross the atlantic alone to meet someone I had never met, I would expect them to come to my home town, a safe environment for me. (I would be happy to share the cost)

 

Having got there, despite discovering hings were not as they seemed, ie. meeting only at the nightclub, evidence of drug use, and being deserted for 10 days. You still put yourself in a position where you were alone with him at the end of night in the club, which is when you say he attacked you.

 

I don't mean to imply in anyway what happened was your fault, just that you do need to take responsibility for maintaining your safety

[Columbo]

Thanks for your opinion. I would only be defaming someone if what I stated was factually incorrect..

 

I should not have to take responsibility for anything, though as I said earlier, it's not something I will be repeating. Clearly a 40 year old man's maturity in the US is not comparable to that of his European counterpart.

[Columbo]

Okay, what if I were to say that this guy had actually told me to change hotels as he didn't consider where I intended to stay to be a safe area..

 

Would that not indicate to you that at that point, he was actually concerned for my safety ?

 

I just wish I could point this guy out to you at his favorite hangout, and then you'd be able to see exactly what I mean, talk about 'fake as they come'.

 

This guy was going to come to see me, he sent me flight details three months into our initial friendship, but then his career took off (thanks to my help, partially) so that didn't happen..He kept saying that he wanted to come and see me. I only went to see him as I felt given who he was, nothing bad would happen. He did show concern for my safety, even giving my family his contact info in case they needed to be contacted or vice-versa..

[westernxer]

I just wish I could point this guy out to you at his favorite hangout, and then you'd be able to see exactly what I mean, talk about 'fake as they come'.

 

Guys like this are a dime a dozen. This town is full of them.

[lindya]

Thanks for your opinion. I would only be defaming someone if what I stated was factually incorrect..

 

I should not have to take responsibility for anything, though as I said earlier, it's not something I will be repeating. Clearly a 40 year old man's maturity in the US is not comparable to that of his European counterpart.

 

You're not responsible for the fact that this man is a sleazy con artist...but as you clearly recognise now, it was a mistake to fly out there and meet him. Had you been going out there for another purpose (holiday etc) then fair enough....but you went out there purely to meet someone you didn't even know. That made you somewhat dependent on an internet stranger (and however long you've been in communication with someone, essentially they're a stranger until you've met and got to know them in the flesh). Finding yourself utterly dependent on anyone, but particularly a stranger, is not a good state of affairs.

 

The fact that he comes from a well to do family is meaningless; some of the worst conmen out there capitalise like mad on their respectable connections.

There are con artists the world over - we have no shortage of them here in the UK, so it isn't wise to start comparing US men unfavourably to European ones. That's the first stage to splitting, whereby you start to idealise one group of people over another "bad" group.

 

You'd be better working on developing a realistic perception of other people, and learning ways of fine-tuning your bull**** antennae. That way, when you need to assess another person's trustworthiness you'll place less emphasis on unreliable factors such as family connections and nationality.

 

Okay, what if I were to say that this guy had actually told me to change hotels as he didn't consider where I intended to stay to be a safe area..

 

Would that not indicate to you that at that point, he was actually concerned for my safety?

 

I don't think I'd read much of anything into his advice about changing hotels. He may have a business interest in the hotel he wanted you to move to, or he could simply have been showing off his superior knowledge of the area.

 

You're still stuck at that point where you want to avoid taking any responsibility for what happened, and that's understandable....but if you're serious about preventing something like this from happening again, it's vital that you challenge yourself and your actions here. Think carefully about the assumptions you made that led you to trust this guy. Challenge those assumptions. You can't change the fact that he's a sleaze, but you can learn some lessons about how to keep yourself safe while you suss other people out.

 

There are so many rules to remember, but here are a few.

 

1. When a guy you barely know demands that you should trust him, you're on tricky territory. Any decent guy will accept that women have to exercise a little caution with men they don't know.

 

2. When a guy spends a lot of time trying to impress you with details of his business interests and "connections in high places" it's best to assume (without actually saying so) that 98% of what he's saying is absolute bull****. The truth will out as you get to know him.

 

3. Try to avoid fantasising about someone you've met over the internet. Do that, and there's a danger of you only seeing what you want to see when you finally meet them in real life. If that happens, you'll miss valuable clues that could help to keep you safe.

 

I don't mean to sound harsh, and I do sympathise with what you've been through...but your most positive move now would be to learn as many valuable lessons as you can from this very unfortunate occurrence.

[yesmaybe]

Right now, what you're doing is a bit obsessive. Why are you wasting your time trying to "save" other women from him? You're not trying to save anyone - you are trying to exact revenge on him.

 

Why would any of us care to PM you about the name of this guy? There are sleazeballs everywhere - worse than him. There are online men who encourage 13-year-old girls to run away with them, only to take advantage of them. There are online men who weasal women out of their life savings. Etc. Etc.

 

You need to get on with your life. Consider this one of life's many lessons.

[Spectre]

 

If you knew who this person was, you would have no reason to question anything he said or his motives..in fact, you would be as shocked as I was to be subjected to what I was subjected to, and to find out what a double life he leads..

 

*shrugs* If YOU know who this person is, and were so passionate about warning others, you'd think you would atleast goto the tabloids or someone with the story.. Even if he is a C list celeb one of them would pick it up. You'd think you'd do more to prevent this from happening again instead of posting on an almost unknown forum about it.

 

Frankly, I find your post a bit hard to believe anyways.