einahpets Posted July 16, 2006 Share Posted July 16, 2006 I have a friend who wishes to separate from his wife. He makes a little less than $400 a week and he says that child support will be costing him $300. His wife doesn’t have enough cash to buy out his share of the house and can’t get another loan on top of the mortgage. Other than staying in the house until the day it is sold (which sucks that his children would have to move), what can he do? No one can live off of $100 a week. How do divorced men who are paying child support move on with their lives? He is miserable but I don't know what kind of advice I can give him. Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted July 16, 2006 Share Posted July 16, 2006 I don't know. It is unbelievable hard. My brother is in the same boat, although he has gone through the divorce now. He's a truck driver, so he just lives in his truck. He's got a post office box to receive his mail, and he stays in a hotel the weekends he gets to see his kids. He's still paying for most of her life. It breaks my heart everytime I think about it. If someone has some magic advice for these two men, that would be great. I just don't think it exists. Link to post Share on other sites
Author einahpets Posted July 16, 2006 Author Share Posted July 16, 2006 That really sucks. I am the number one person against deadbeat dads, but taking 3/4 of someone's paycheck seems excessive. You can't get child support out of someone who is starving to death in a cardboard box. She makes more money than him and not matter what she will be doing fine (which she should, she has the kids), but it is him i am really worried about. I am sorry about what your brother is going through, I also wish there were magic advice. I think there should be a comprimise in divorce. So maybe both people aren't able to live as comfortably as before, but I don't think someone needs to starve to maintain someone else's lifestyle. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 16, 2006 Share Posted July 16, 2006 This is why some men turn into misogynists. After being put through the ringer by a heartless woman he used to love and who claimed to love him why should a man not become hostile towards women? This is why men need a prenup which handles everything. I don't know what to tell these men. Link to post Share on other sites
Author einahpets Posted July 16, 2006 Author Share Posted July 16, 2006 I don't really know his wife, it doesn't seem like she is trying to take everything he has... Though he said it is starting to get ugly. But it seems like $300 per week is the standard amount for child support, not even taking into account what little beyond that the man might make... I am hoping that someone here can offer their story of a comprimise that worked well for them. It is a wonder that anyone gets married any more. You would think that a prenup is ridiculous for two people who really don't have that much to begin with. I guess not. It is just the house that is the problem. He put his life savings into it and just wants that back, she can have the rest. He just doesn't know how he can get even that. She doesn't have the cash. They have been married for less than 10years, and in our state it is after that the woman can take you for all you are worth. I can imagine him being left with any less. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 16, 2006 Share Posted July 16, 2006 Who wanted the divorce and why? I am just curious but I have a hunch about it. If she decides she wants to rape him for all he is worth there is nothing he can do about it and that is a crime in this nation. To me the default should be that they keep whatever they had before the marriage and then split what they aquired during the marriage. Child support should be based on his income. If he can prove he is a more stable parent he could possible go for custody. Link to post Share on other sites
Author einahpets Posted July 16, 2006 Author Share Posted July 16, 2006 It is mutual. I don't know the nasty details. I guess they are just different people and got married because it was safe and that is what you do at that age at that point in your relationship. She keeps telling him to get out but he was the one that paid for the house. He doesn't want to put his children out on the street, he just wants to come out with what he came in with (not the house itself, just the money he put into it, which is a 1/4 of what it is worth now). As for sole custody I don't think he wants it, not that he doesn't love his kids. Child care is so expensive he would be working just to afford that, with nothing to spare practically. Link to post Share on other sites
stoopid_guy Posted July 16, 2006 Share Posted July 16, 2006 It makes you wonder how many people stay in marriages for financial reasons. Or for that matter, stay in marriages until they find another person to move in with. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted July 16, 2006 Share Posted July 16, 2006 Why I'm single~ and plan on staying that way! It was the azz-rape that I got in divorce court! Get married? Yea! Right! The courts attitude is that they maintain at any and all costs the lifestyle the children have become accustomed to. If you're the man, they could absolutely care less if you have to go out in the woods, sleep in a hollow log, drink muddy water, and live off of road-kill. Its gotten so absurd that I've spoken with women that actually laugh about how absurd it is. About how they can screw a man over. Its gotten to the point to where men just date women until the women realize they're never going to marry them, and then the men move on to the next one. Women have no one to thank other than themseleves for this situation. There are women that are actually making a living off of having children. 20% of someone else's income adds up X 5. I know~! My ex-sister in law has five children ~ and none of them have the same father! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 16, 2006 Share Posted July 16, 2006 He is miserable but I don't know what kind of advice I can give him. Tell him to go back to college and get an MBA so he can make $85,000 per year. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted July 16, 2006 Share Posted July 16, 2006 It makes you wonder how many people stay in marriages for financial reasons. Or for that matter, stay in marriages until they find another person to move in with. One survey I've read says that 50% of all first time marriage end in divorce, of the remaining 50%, only 13% are "happily married" Of the remaining 37%, they're living in a "maritial comma" in wherein by they stay together because of the status quo, children, finances. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted July 16, 2006 Share Posted July 16, 2006 Tell him to go back to college and get an MBA so he can make $85,000 per year. I've recently read about a man that was making $75,000, and was paying $26,000 in child support. After taxes ~ etc. He was living off of $20,000 ~ net! Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted July 16, 2006 Share Posted July 16, 2006 It sounds to me like your friend can't really afford a divorce right now. He needs a better job. Failing that, I've heard of a couple of less traditional avenues. One couple I know rented a small two-bedroom apartment together, and they take turns living there on days when they aren't the custodial parent. After the kids are grown, they can sell the house and split the equity. Another couple pooled their money and used it as a basis for budgeting both households. Together, they bought two homes, each co-signing for the other. When they can afford it, they can refinance and buy their partner out. Both of these methods are stop-gaps.... temporary fixes to get them by until they can afford a better arrangement. In essence, they have separated romantically, but remain as business partners together. I don't think these kind of options will work for people who are divorcing in less than amicable terms, but for those who are willing to work together with their former spouse, I think it also allows for a better coparenting relationship. Each partner is still working toward maintaining a wholesome lifestyle for the children.... and nobody ends up homeless. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted July 16, 2006 Share Posted July 16, 2006 This doesnt only happen to men. I was a full time stay at home mom .When I divorced I had no job three small children none in school all went to Dad . No where to live, no car (he'd put it all into his mother's name beforehand) . You just have to move forward and find a way to MAKE it work , that's all you can do. In four years time I went from absolutely nothing , not even clothes that were in the house ;to owning my own home, a nice car in the driveway , child support that I'm not ordered to pay , but I can afford ,so I do .After the miserable marriage ends , even if you have very little , it's much easier to find your way out of your ruts , and move more towards becoming self-adequate. I hope good luck to both of these men, I know first-hand how hard it is .In most states in this country they could most likely find under the table migrant pay for extra cash as a laborer , sad to say it may be what they need to do to find a fix to the problem .Any reported pay would just up the child-support requirement . Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted July 16, 2006 Share Posted July 16, 2006 The courts attitude is that they maintain at any and all costs the lifestyle the children have become accustomed to. If you're the man, they could absolutely care less if you have to go out in the woods, sleep in a hollow log, drink muddy water, and live off of road-kill. Again, this isn't always the case. I signed away my right to expecting my life to be lived like it was when I was married. I also signed up for $300 a week based on him earning $85K. I did this because I thought it was fair. If you ask my ex if our divorce was fair, he may or may not see it like that. But I think it was. We worked together to make it an agreement we both could live with. I also waived alimony for sole custody, although I did sign we each claim one child for tax purposes. It's not that all people are trying to screw the other one over. Enough of that goes on DURING the marriage. I think by the time divorce is inevitable, both parties should have had enough of their spouse and work with each other to make certain the divorce happens. Moreso if there are children involved. I don't think it's fair that one party should have everything while the other one gets nothing. And frankly, I'm surprised that a court would order this man to give up 75% of his earnings. Where do they live? Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted July 16, 2006 Share Posted July 16, 2006 $300 out of $400 per week? How can he survive!? If he is living with friends and family even $100 is not enough. I would suggest he bring this up as an appeal because 75% of one's income is excessive. I have suggest all my friends, male and female, about over extending their mortgage and things like that and even a prenup where I get to keep what I came in with or specific accounts that are 100% mine. I would have to agree with those who are reading this or will read this that Woggle is correct on signing a prenup. Link to post Share on other sites
stoopid_guy Posted July 17, 2006 Share Posted July 17, 2006 One survey I've read says that 50% of all first time marriage end in divorce, of the remaining 50%, only 13% are "happily married" Of the remaining 37%, they're living in a "maritial comma" in wherein by they stay together because of the status quo, children, finances. That's a real eye-opener! Thanks... Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted July 17, 2006 Share Posted July 17, 2006 Again, this isn't always the case. I signed away my right to expecting my life to be lived like it was when I was married. I also signed up for $300 a week based on him earning $85K. I did this because I thought it was fair. Amen sister! This was my case too. I wanted OUT. I gave him the house and cars- most of the furniture etc. Even though I wanted the divorce I could have put a claim on his retirement because of the length of time we had been married, but I didn't. We split custody so I don't get child support. He makes ALOT more money than me. Over double what I make. He pays their childcare- which is not much now that my daughter is going to kindergarten. I allowed him the tax deductions for the kids because he had the house- which the majority of my savings pre marriage was used for. I figured he'd be fair with me since I was fair with him, and let me have one child for deduction- after I was in a situation to have a mortgage and have deductions. He won't BUDGE- and unless I want to go back to court to get it- I won't get it. Before, I was splitting all of their expenses with him- that means any activities HE signed them up for without my consent. I reviewed my divorce papers and it states I was to pay 50% of medical only. Sooooooo since he won't be fair with me, I'm not going to be fair with him at this point. He can kiss my half of all of their other expenses goodbye. It's not that I don't want my kids to do stuff- but he's ripping me off. It doesn't matter because he can afford those activities. Also, I can sign them up for stuff in my area and I will gladly pay for it should he not choose to sign them up because of this. Each state has a percentage rate for child support. I suggest you tell your friend to review the state rate by getting on the internet. NONE of the states I've seen said the rate was 75%! Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted July 17, 2006 Share Posted July 17, 2006 http://www.gottrouble.com/legal/family/divorce_child_support.html I don't think they can take more then 50% of his income. He needs to check the laws in his state of residence.. I know when I divorced my h I got my divorce pro-bono due to the fact of abuse and I was considered low income with my income. I petitioned the state board of attorneys and one of them took my case. The lawyer wanted to take almost 50% of my x income for child support and I stopped it. I knew he wouldn't survive knowing his income and I got it adjusted. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted July 18, 2006 Share Posted July 18, 2006 http://www.gottrouble.com/legal/family/divorce_child_support.html I don't think they can take more then 50% of his income. He needs to check the laws in his state of residence.. I know when I divorced my h I got my divorce pro-bono due to the fact of abuse and I was considered low income with my income. I petitioned the state board of attorneys and one of them took my case. The lawyer wanted to take almost 50% of my x income for child support and I stopped it. I knew he wouldn't survive knowing his income and I got it adjusted. Pada- you are an awesome person! Link to post Share on other sites
sickinside Posted July 18, 2006 Share Posted July 18, 2006 This amount of money seems very excessive. I am going through a divorce right now and my h bings home $5000.00 a month and he has to pay $1000.00 a month in support. I sure your state has a formula for support and those #'s don't sound right. My h also has to pay temp spousal support and it still doesn't leave him broke. Has your friend sought any legal advice? Link to post Share on other sites
tonyp56 Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 Hahahahahhahaha, I am one of those men, and my STBX wife left me for someone else to top it off. I bring home less than $300 (something like $297)a week, which works out to about $1,200.00 a month. When I first went through Child Support Enforcement, they wanted me to pay $614 a month! $587 current, and because I couldn't prove anything $26 per month for back support. They actually wanted to negotiate with me on the $26, and I was like yeah, you've already took everything, why does it matter about $26? I have a van payment that was mutually acquired between my ex and I of $370, house between us that is $305.50, insurance, electric, water, etc... Not to even mention food and gas! Just how am I supposed to live on less than $600 a month? Anyways, depending on the state, your friend can get visitation above a certain amount, in Oklahoma it is anything over 120 nights per year. After that point they take how much time you have with the children into account as child support, and it reduces your child support. In my case, I was given 122 days, and my child support is now $400 instead of $600. Which honestly still breaks me (around $800 is better than around $600, but really not a whole lot better), but at least I have a couple hundred more. However, you have to have an actually court order for visitation, they won't take into consideration how much time you do have with your kids, unless there is a court order stating you have that time. I don't understand why they are like this, I guess in our society, thanks to dead-beat dads of the past, men that are fathers are nothing except glorified baby sitters when mom and dad divorce. According to my ex by her actions, I don't have any right to my own children, and apparently my state don't much care how I pay my child support or if I can live after I pay it, again telling me, men just don't matter anymore to anyone. I can go out and get a part time job, however, guess what? My child support would go up even higher. I could try to get a higher paying job--not likely--but guess what? My child support would go up. So I have no way of living anytime soon. Of course, if I could find a job where I made $1000 a week--not going to happen--I likely could make it, but I'll never be able to get ahead much. I've never had a problem paying, but when you can't live because you are paying, it doesn't make any sense to me. I want to pay, but when paying means not being able to live, it can only last so long. If it wasn't for family, I would have lost my house by now, already working on losing van, can hardly pay utilities, etc... It does suck. My advice to any man not married and with kids, NEVER, EVER have kids! Because if your wife, decides she wants out, you get screwed big time, and no one will give a damn about you, because you are a man. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 When all was said and done ~ they were taking 2/3's of his net disposable income in chld support ~ and he was only making about $1200 a month. Why? Because he had three different children by three different women? (And, no I don't have any sympathy for him ~ he brought it upon himsel) In Neveda, if the biologial father can't be found to pay child support ~ the step father can be ordered to pay child support for children that aren't his(and that he has never adopted) should a divorce happen. Its gotten absurd. There's more to this business of Deadbeat Deads. In 90% of all divorce cases women are awarded the chldren ~ primarly because the father's don't pursue it. But of the 10% of the cases where the Father does pursue custody of the children they are awarded it 90% of the time. Of those cases ~ 90% of the mothers don't pay child support either because they don't have to or because they themselves are deadbeats. In Flordia that state, pursued in hunting down deadbeat fathers. 7000 of them were deadbeat's because,.........................well they were dead~! (I could see how that would tend to make a fella fall behind a little!) But the femin~Nazi's still include those numbers to justify the madness of chld support laws and legislation. The Femi-Nazi's have just about got things to the point ~ to where if your a man ~ you've got to be nuts to get married. Its gotten me to the point to where I just date women ~ forever how long it last ~ until we're driving down the road and she cocks her head, and looks at me with a be-fuddled look and says, "You were serious when you said you were never getting married again ~ weren't you?!!!!" You got that right, there Sweetheart! Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 I know a guy who is still fighting paying chilid support that's not even his! When he told the judge this ~ the judge told him: "Well you just make sure you keep paying ~ and feeding him until he starts looking like you!" So far he's spend a little over 5K fighting it. Link to post Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 There are so many options out there for anyone, not just divorced men, who are having financial difficulties and want to better their lives. They can go for some specialized training that is often funded by agencies trying to help people get back on their feet, continuing education programs where people can work and go to school. If he wants to stay in his low paying job he probably won't make it. He will have to take control of his life even if it involves declaring bankruptcy to start. Are you sure $300 per week is normal? I think all I would get is $300 per month and that's for both kids, and I'm not even asking my ex for anything as we share custody 50-50 and he doesn't make much more than I do. Link to post Share on other sites
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