Transition from aquaintence to girlfriend, then to friend. Can it work?

[SC]

I have recently been dumped by my ex. The relationship wasn't quite orthodox, as my anxiety problems seriously got in the way.

 

Due to a past experience of getting too involved with a girl, I did my best to not get too involved with my new girlfriend. This was a big mistake as I felt I couldn't open up to her, and the relationship peitered out. The new girl was from uni, I'd known her for a short while but we were at separate campus's and I only got to know her when I became a union officer and worked on both sites. I just happened to move to the same part of the country as her, after having an awfuil experience in Birmingham with someone else. It was the chance for a new job, new relationship, new life.

 

We didn't know each other terribly well but from past contact I knew I liked her. We started going out instantly when I moved to Reading, and things were fine until my new job didn't go to plan and was asked to leave. She just cared that I was happy, but all I was worried about was her thinking I was an idiot. While I was trying to sort myself out with a temporary solution she went to China for two months for work experience. That's six weeks after we initially went out. I missed her, and she says she missed me. I was sorted with a new full time job by the time she got back, but of course my confidence was nackered, and she sensed it. With the combination of her getting a bar job until she goes back to uni we saw each other seldomly. I started to feel more for her, but she began to feel frustrated as the relationship wasn't going anywhere, we still hardly knew each other and her personality is better able to deal with stressful situations than mine is.

 

Now that we're split, we feel we could still be friends as the relationship didn't reach intermite levels, although sexually we 'did stuff'. Although I feel she will be fine with us being friends, I am rather nervous. I don't know whether if I open up to her now we can get to know each other better and become better friends. We should never have gone out, as what I needed was a friend, not another relationship that was to fill the gap of my ex girlfriend. We're going to Brighton this Wed (19th July) to have a full day of fun together so I'm hoping we'll clique. I don't want her back as my girlfriend, but as I got to know her as my girlfriend I still want to know her better, she was very nice at uni and I still want to see more of that.

 

I am nervous, but I want this to work. If you've have similar experiences and succeeded, how did it happen? Any advice or things I should or shouldn't do? I don't want Claire to start disliking me because of our past. I've met someone already that I like, but I can't start anything as it's too soon from the break up with Claire so we'd both feel she was a rebound, plus she's off back to uni in sept to Durham which is 300 miles away. I just need some support atm, and if you can help that would be fantastic.

[dancehead]

Hi I can't say I've had much luck in going from lovers to friends apart from one girl. It was tough but in the end we worked out ok. It sounds as though you have a hard time with all the long distance problems of uni life when it comes to relationships. It sounds also as though you are thinking with your head screwed on which is really good, and are being very sensible about not rebounding. What you are doing sounds fine... just be her friend, you will probably find you will be more relaxed wihout the other pressure. Good luck

[lil_angel]

it's possible to still be friends, but only if you both want to. me and my ex were acquaintances for almost a year and close friends for about 2 months before going out. we only dated for a few months, but after we broke up we still remained friends, and still are. im currently in a serious relationship with someone else, and theres no chance of getting back with my ex, but the way we looked at it, if we were friends for that long before going out, theres no reason we have to suddenly not be friends just b/c dating didnt work out

[Moodswing]

Be very careful - my situation was almost identical - I'm the friend/ex-girlfriend and was hurt by my ex who rebounded from his divorce. 7 months on since our split and I'm still not sure if we should be friends. I also have strong 'romantic' feelings towards my ex who just wants to be friends, and I'm dreading the day when he finds someone else. He depends on me emotionally even now, we are in touch daily, usually over trivia, but still, the bond is still there. You might have feelings of guilt which will make you feel like you have to be nice and caring towards your ex, so think carefully about her feelings and try and put yourself in her position. Hope it works out.