first loves. ex gets close to a guy. Now back together. Why do i feel so angry?

[john332]

My ex and I were together for 5 years. She broke up with me bc we started having a lot of problems with communication and attentions issues. We were each other's first. 8 months later, we start talking again, and I find out that she had had a on and off 2 month secret relationship with a friend of hers that she had met after we broke up. It was secret in that maybe only her best friend knew about and nobody else. She told me she kept it secret bc she didnt want me to find out. She told me that she had always believed and felt we were gonna be together later. She said that the guy was very clingy and treated her so well and that was why she ended up reciprocating back. We had issues in which I didn't treat her as well as I should have when we were together. But she said nothing could come from that relatoinship bc she always thought about me and wanted me to be that guy doing all the nice things for her. That is why she started contacting me again and here we are.

 

The issue I have is that they have kissed before, and she has said nothing more than a few kisses and hugs. Of course, I'm going to think about it and inflate that "few" to "many". I have a hard time dealing with this even though we both want to be with each other. We were each other's first and now I somehow feel that I was the only one still loyal to what we had together. I can't help but think that there's more that happened also but I'm not sure. I'm somewhat angry at her and jealous of what happened. I don't know what to think or do. Anyone been in a similar situation before? Thanks.

[norajane]

Um, when you break up, both people are free to see other people. It's hardly a betrayal at that point because you were no longer a couple.

 

Yes, you're jealous. But anger isn't appropriate, because you were not together then. You just have to suck it up and let it go; otherwise, it will poison your thoughts and feelings and ruin your current attempt to be together.

[ronnieromance]

You're angry because your ego is bruised. And bruised for no good reason, I might add. I think it may be that you weren't seeing anyone? Or, perhaps, because she broke up with you?

 

Either way it's groundless and ego driven. See that, and you won't be upset any longer.

 

 

-R-

[Spectre]

If she was thinking about you the whole time, why'd she stay with him then?

 

 

heres how i feel about breakups. If the chick wants to get with other people? cool, but if shes gonna come crawling back in a months time, its kind of disrespectful to have hooked up with some guy in between then. I mean..

 

"hey i missed you so much ive been thinking about you the entire time we were apart i think we're meant to be....I also dated a guy for 2 months, but the WHOLE time i thought we were meant to be"

 

sounds almost sweet.

 

altho this was an 8 month difference, it depends on how quickly she began seeing this other guy after you broke up, since it had to be a "secret" im guessing probably almost immediately, to which she isnt gf material.