do you think a little jealously is necessary for a relationship to grow more?

[Guest]

I know a lot of jealousy can destroy relationships but who thinks some jealously in a relationship is good? It allows a person to know that their significant other cares about them in a way.

[No Stress Lady]

I know a lot of jealousy can destroy relationships but who thinks some jealously in a relationship is good? It allows a person to know that their significant other cares about them in a way.

 

It generally shows that the person distrusts and is suspicious of their partner.

 

Jealousy is a destructive emotion - I once dated a very jealous guy and it was an appalling experience - I found his jealousy, quite frankly, to be offensive (being treated as if I was cheating when I was 100% faithful) and disturbing. It did not tell me that he "cared about me", it told me that he had raging insecurities and that he would never really trust me, no matter what.

 

When I began to realise the extent of his jealousy issues I dropped him like a hot brick.

 

Life's too short to spend it hounding someone with, or being hounded by someone's jealousy.

[tikigods]

I think there are far better ways of showing your partner that you care then being jealous. I agree with the poster above me that its far more destructive then it is helpful

[BareGoddess]

I agree with No Stress. There are better ways to show your partner that you care.

[BareGoddess]

Tiki, we posted the same thing at the same time!

[SoleMate]

I'll rubber stamp the above. Jealousy does NOT show caring. It shows insecurity, suspicion and/or a desire to control.

 

You can show caring in positive, constructive ways like praise, meeting emotional needs, taking careful concern for your partner's feelings and comfort.

[The slayer]

I know a lot of jealousy can destroy relationships but who thinks some jealously in a relationship is good? It allows a person to know that their significant other cares about them in a way.

 

So thats 4 plus me makes 5 who think a little jealousy is NOT a good thing

 

And noone thinks it is ...guess that's your answer Guest

[lindya]

I know a lot of jealousy can destroy relationships but who thinks some jealously in a relationship is good? It allows a person to know that their significant other cares about them in a way.

 

I don't know about good or bad, but I think some degree of jealousy is practically inevitable. People in the happiest relationships I know have still confessed to experiencing the odd bout of it here and there. It's all part of being human, I guess. Just one of those things you have to keep an eye on, and some perspective about.

[BareGoddess]

Also, expounding a little on what Lyndia said. It's all a matter of degree. A little jealousy is flattering but more than that can be destructive.

 

I like to "playfully" act jealous sometimes. Does that make sense?

[stoopid_guy]

It generally shows that the person distrusts and is suspicious of their partner.

 

Absolutely. Also, it's a sign of low self confidence, and self confidence is the single most attractive quality a lady can have.

 

Many years ago, I left a woman sitting in a restaurant because she "went off" on the waitress for "flirting" with me. Her jealousy bother me, but the sheer rudeness of it was the kicker. (I was getting nasty phone messages for weeks after.)

[littlekitty]

I don't know about good or bad, but I think some degree of jealousy is practically inevitable. People in the happiest relationships I know have still confessed to experiencing the odd bout of it here and there. It's all part of being human, I guess. Just one of those things you have to keep an eye on, and some perspective about.

 

 

Lindya makes a good point. It's a human emotion, and I believe we all experience it to a degree. Most people would be lying if they said they never felt a little jealousy in a relationship. As is said, its the degree of jealousy that can be the destructive thing.

 

A little jealousy from time to time is fine and acceptable as part of life. A whole heap of it and mad behaviour... not acceptable and not ok in a relationship.

[bab]

I don't think that it's necessary, but I don't think a SMALL amount will keep the relationship from growing.

 

It's also about perspectives. If you are jealous and your SO is upset about your level of jealousy, then it's to much.

 

If your SO is upset that you are never jealous (my h's exgf used to get upset that he wasn't ever jealous), then a bit of jealousy couldn't hurt. I don't know why, but some people like to feel like they "belong" to the other person. So, when the other person doesn't act like they "own" them, they get hurt. Does that make sense? (Granted I think it's ridiculous, but that's what my H told me about his exgf).

[ronnieromance]

There is nothing more annoying or potential vile than an extremely jealous person. Man or woman. It is immature and the basest of emotions.

 

 

-R-

[EnigmaXOXO]

I know a lot of jealousy can destroy relationships but who thinks some jealously in a relationship is good? It allows a person to know that their significant other cares about them in a way.

 

I can't say whether or not it's "good" for a relationship … but it is a very real human emotion that is: undeniable. No matter how much we try to feign indifference to make ourselves seem more attractive, confident and "secure".

 

For instance, I accept that I am not immune to feeling jealous or insecure given certain circumstances. Therefore it serves no purpose whatsoever to trip over myself by trying to deny it.

 

If I came home from work to find the person I love having passionate sex with someone else, I could not bounce through the room waving a cheerful "hello," pretending to be totally unaffected. I would feel that punch to the gut (and heart) no matter how good I was at disguising my emotions.

 

Similarly (as you pointed out), I wouldn't feel as if I were wanted, cared for, valued or somehow "special" if my partner were completely indifferent regarding how much of myself I shared with another man. I might consider someone like this emotionally detached or even weak-minded (unattractive traits for me) compared to man who felt more protective of our relationship and cherished it.

 

Jealousy becomes a negative emotion only when it morphs into the green monster that tries to possess, change and/or control the other person we're trying to stake ownership over … rather than exerting control of our own actions and emotions by walking away from someone (or a situation) that has become emotionally unstable for us.

 

Emotions are only dangerous to a relationship when they begin to take control over us, rather than we taking control over how we accept and deal with them.