do men forget thier x's faster then women

[horsekiss]

need some insite

 

do we just cope differently

how can men just wipe away a wonderful relationship that was serious

and move on

 

i as a woman am suffering terribly

missing missing him

[alphamale]

how can men just wipe away a wonderful relationship that was serious and move on

easy HORSEKISS...because men tend to compartmentalize their relationships and it is just one part of our life. women, on the other hand, tend to have their relationships intertwine into every aspect of their life. Ergo, when it ends the woman has more difficulty extricating the relationship from her life. But, she usually has a better support system which does help her out...

[horsekiss]

hmmmmmmmmm

makes very clear sense!

simple but true!

 

very true-

 

thanks

[Brittanyjean06]

I woulden't say that applys to all men but that sounds pretty true!

 

I've known girls who have gotten over their ex quicker than the guy. But girls do make their boyfriend their world and I meen their whole world! So It can be very hard to let go of that. It all balances out to It being equally difficult for both Men and woman. Sometimes.

[loving_coca-cola]

I've always been told (and I think it's kind of true) that once a woman decides to move on, that's it. Once they decide on something, they usually stick to it because they put a lot of thinking into it. No, I'm not saying that guys don't think, but you know what I mean.

 

On the other hand, guys tend to move on physically, but they always wonder what their exes are up to (even if they think of you in a bad way). They always seem to think that you belong to them in some way or another even if you've broken up.

 

I guess if you're going to talk about moving on physically, yeah, maybe guys do it faster. My ex got with his current girlfriend 3 weeks after he broke up with me. But emotionally, who knows? So where I come from, this is what they say. Women click "delete" and men click "save as". I hope that made sense

[KittenMoon]

Women click "delete" and men click "save as". I hope that made sense

 

Brilliant. Totally brilliant.

[jerbear]

I've tried Delete and Save As but sometimes they come back or don't go away. I can't delete till I reboot!

[Bazeballfreak011]

It's moreso based on an individual person versus more of a male and female thing. My exgf broke up with after 2 yrs, told me she didnt love me like she used to (it faded in the last month) and started dating someone else 2 weeks later. She acted totally fine and I was left in the dust. Crying everyday for a month. Finally at the stage where im done with her and everything. She can move on that fast and that easily, I need to too then.

[magichands]

Brilliant. Totally brilliant.

 

So I guess you haven't DELETEd yet, KittenMoon?!

[KittenMoon]

So I guess you haven't DELETEd yet, KittenMoon?!

 

Huh? WHere did this come from. I just liked the idea that portrayed. I don't actually thinks it's that simple.

[bendit]

Making generalizations about this isn't wise. As always IT DEPENDS. Just read the boards. You will see a lot of female copers who haven't got around to emptying the "recycle bin" yet. And they are running out of disk space because they keep "saving" new experiences with X. ;-) And some of the men around here emptied the bin long ago and have freed up valuable "disk space" in the mind. But men can be hoarders too. It all DEPENDS on who did what to WHOM.

 

regards

[LaraV]

It's moreso based on an individual person versus more of a male and female thing.

 

Yep. I had one ex (a male) be totally devastated when I broke up with him. And I mean devastated. And horror or horrors, I was fine. Really, I think I felt bad for a week and then I was fine.

 

Now I'm the one that's devastated, and I honestly believe my ex is totally fine, the way I was once. SUCKS! And hurts like a b*tch! If anything, this has taught me the excruciating pain I inflicted on someone once. I actually called that ex and I apologized for things not working out and for having put him through so much pain. It kindda made me feel a bit better about the whole Karma thing; though I don't really believe that. I just did it as a way to feel better, now that I actually understand what Hell I put him through. So now I have my own Hell to live through.

 

I think it totally depends on the extent of feelings and attachment for both parties. If you love someone, I think that you're going to feel bad whether you're the dumper or the dumpee. But I think the dumper - male or female - doesn't experience the same amount of pain as the dumpee. In fact, I think we all know that's the case.

[bluetuesday]

i had an email just this week containing the words 'the thing i hate about you most is how easily you took away the thing i loved about you most... and i can't live without it'.

 

that's from a guy i won't date. he knows the reasons why i won't date him (or anyone), he just can't accept the reality. i like him, it's not that, but i won't date him. and he still wants to date me even though it's been months now. he has not moved on and i have.

 

i guess it's easier to move on if the decision to end the relationship is yours.

 

but i have to say, once i've come to grips with the fact i've over, i move on pretty quickly and it's for ever. i never go back. and so far, that's always been the best decision i could have made.

[Brittanyjean06]

From a girls point of view It's easy to think that men would get over women quicker just because we are always having the dead end of the stick ( not all of us ). It's only commen sence that It depends on the individual more so than female and male. Both male and female have their own " sterotyping " of coping with things. And strageties can be reveresed on both parts. There is no saying which one gets over the other faster. It all comes to 50 50.

[scrybe74]

I've always been told (and I think it's kind of true) that once a woman decides to move on, that's it. Once they decide on something, they usually stick to it because they put a lot of thinking into it. No, I'm not saying that guys don't think, but you know what I mean.

 

On the other hand, guys tend to move on physically, but they always wonder what their exes are up to (even if they think of you in a bad way). They always seem to think that you belong to them in some way or another even if you've broken up.

 

I guess if you're going to talk about moving on physically, yeah, maybe guys do it faster. My ex got with his current girlfriend 3 weeks after he broke up with me. But emotionally, who knows? So where I come from, this is what they say. Women click "delete" and men click "save as". I hope that made sense

 

I think Coca said it best. I find it very easy to move on and forget about my ex's initially....it's months (or years later) that I tend to think about them and will sometimes look them up. It's weird...the first few months they try really hard to contact me and engage with me. A few times I let it get physical but when they realized that it wasn't going anywhere they finally gave up.

 

I don't think a lot of guys think about it too deeply right away for various reasons. But I also agree that we approach relationships differently. Most guys try not to let a relationship impact their life to the point that it's all they think about so when it goes under they recover faster and move on.

 

In fact....now that I think about it. A few times with my ex's that I really cared about....I was mostly jealous of the physical relationship they were having with there men. I always felt the need to prove that they still wanted me physically and a few times I was successful. Eventually I would realize how stupid it was and then move on.

[Shane361]

Woman for the most part are more emotional so I would go as far as to say men get over it easier. But there is more to it that that. Usually whoever gets burned or left feels the most pain. So who in general does the most dumping? I would say woman do..so maybe it evens out in the mix somewhere-Shane

[LaraV]

Isn't horrible to think that the ones that left us are doing ok? It makes sense for obvious reasons, but isn't this one of the most difficult things to grapple with? It just kills me to know that my ex is doing just fine. And I guess that is the case for both males and females when they were the ones to end it - for some, of couse, I'm sure some feel worse than others. Ugh. I don't even want to think about it.

[jerbear]

Think about it, if the dumper had ideas of dumping they would have long started to detach and cover themselves.

 

So yes the dumper may move on faster than the dumpee.

[Guest]

Think about it, if the dumper had ideas of dumping they would have long started to detach and cover themselves.

 

So yes the dumper may move on faster than the dumpee.

 

Sometimes yes, but not always. I was in a relationship with someone who took me for granted. When I couldn't put up with it anymore and it had become clear things would never change, I decided the relationship was dead. It took me a while to actually leave, so yes, in a way I had already started to detach myself.

 

You might call me the dumper. I had no other choice though. It took me a very long time to come to terms with it all. I'm not so sure my ex, the dumpee, needed as much time as me.

[In Sync]

I agree with some of the points about how women tend to make the relationship so much a part of their lives whereas men are able to be compartmentalized. I remember I did this, I began to put the relationship above and beyond everything else. Of course I labeled this as proof of my love...on hindsight I now see where this can be bad for both. I had a harder time forgetting him because I invested more of myself into to the relationship... Which brings me to a point that I read that all vacummed space must be filled. That's why I think when someone gets left we fill out minds up with obsessing over the ex. Until we find something else to take over that void of them not being there.

[tearsandfears]

I think women let go easier and just kinda get over it emotionally. Women file for 70% of the divorces in America so that's gotta tell you something. I think at a certain point most women can disattach physically and emotionally if there not happy with the man there with. I think they know how in general to deal with there negative emotions better and heal faster. Men can go out and find another physical partner but I think we for the most part hang on emotionally for a good long while. For a man finding a sex partner doesn't equal emotional healing even though it's sure fun trying.

[Brittanyjean06]

From exploring alot of threads on Love shack. I've noticed that men tend to come back years later regretting the awful mistake they made long ago.

 

 

I think guys don't think about it as much and sometimes It hits them years later? I meen that can go to woman too. But with the way we women think we already know how doomed we are in the begining of a break up and sort our emotions with time. Guys can be some what well how should I say this? Stupid? haha and don't realise things till later. And so can woman too:)

 

I still think It depends on the person , who got burned ex..

[Shane361]

From exploring alot of threads on Love shack. I've noticed that men tend to come back years later regretting the awful mistake they made long ago.

 

 

I think guys don't think about it as much and sometimes It hits them years later? I meen that can go to woman too. But with the way we women think we already know how doomed we are in the begining of a break up and sort our emotions with time. Guys can be some what well how should I say this? Stupid? haha and don't realise things till later. And so can woman too:)

 

I still think It depends on the person , who got burned ex..

 

 

Britt..your not in Charleston, SC are you? Remind me of a Britt here I know-Shane

[KittenMoon]

From exploring alot of threads on Love shack. I've noticed that men tend to come back years later regretting the awful mistake they made long ago.

 

I think guys don't think about it as much and sometimes It hits them years later?

 

I don't have a lot of experience, but I have noticed that since my break-up my ex began as indifferent and almost annoyed me for mourning, then became emotional, then confused and has even made mention to possible reconcilliation. Each of these periods have had 1month+ time between then, and the periods of emotion often took place when he was forced by circumstance to have some contact with me or near me (all the wedding stuff i went through a few months ago). I sometimes think he's simply not facing what's happened to the full extent, i.e. "not thinking about it as much."

 

I feel like his car. Once, a while ago I started telling him his car sounded funny, and then funnier. This went on for MONTHS and he kept saying "its fine, its fine". I got so frustrated because though I'm no car expert, I felt something was off with it. Then came the day it broke down, and he had to drive it entirely in neutral to his dealership- a dangerous and difficult experience that could have been avoided had he only stopped an evaluated the sounds/issues he had been having with the car fully instead of ignoring them.

 

So what's my point? Simply that I think there are certain types of men who will simply ignore a problem/issue until they have no choice but to confront it. Now, I don't know the full truth of my own situation, but occassionally I think "getting over" can actually just be emotional "avoidance."

[Guest]

So what's my point? Simply that I think there are certain types of men who will simply ignore a problem/issue until they have no choice but to confront it. Now, I don't know the full truth of my own situation, but occassionally I think "getting over" can actually just be emotional "avoidance."

 

I think you are spot on! This applies both to when there are problems in a relationship as to after the break-up. Men tend to ignore problems in the relationship out of fear for confrontation. Women can't or won't and that's why it's often them that initiate the break-up. After the break-up men persist in avoidance. It's a defence mechanism that unfortunately only damages themselves in the end.

 

Also, men are more do-ers while women are more thinkers.