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Anyone have a love come back after 6 months or more after a breakup?

horsekiss

By horsekiss,
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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horsekiss

horsekiss

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just wondering.....

 

after 4 months-i have a small little spot of hope in my heart

he will realize what he has lost-and come back -a changed person!

 

eventhough i think its best for me to move forward-hardest thing i have had to do!

after a very long relationship

 

i guess one always hopes they are missed and loved

deep down -

i miss him tons and cant imagine him not missing me but we both are in no contact-

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BareGoddess

BareGoddess

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Yes, I got my ex back after one year of NC. Wished I had stayed in NC! We ended up getting married. He never really changed. Don't expect that. If you get back together, he might appear to have changed in the beginning but watch out. More than likely he's the same and in time it will come out.

 

I really hope you don't make the same mistake I did.

 

It CAN work out. But more often than not, from what I've seen and experienced first hand, it doesn't. There's a good reason why you split up. Those reasons don't usually just go away.

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jerbear

jerbear

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In my case it was not 6 months, more like a few years. I have turned her down because I did not want her baggage and not ready for an instant family.

 

So yes there is a possibility that contact does arise after 6 months.

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alphamale

alphamale

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It CAN work out. But more often than not, from what I've seen and experienced first hand, it doesn't. There's a good reason why you split up. Those reasons don't usually just go away.

Superb analysis BG...

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horsekiss

horsekiss

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your kidding! after one year-of no contact!?

and you guys married-wow

 

your quite adimant about the dont take him back advice

in my case we fought about him not wanting to commit! and after-no where else to go but commitment-he chose to run-

thanks for the posts!

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BareGoddess

BareGoddess

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your kidding! after one year-of no contact!?

and you guys married-wow

 

your quite adimant about the dont take him back advice

in my case we fought about him not wanting to commit! and after-no where else to go but commitment-he chose to run-

thanks for the posts!

 

Ha! Are you kidding! NO WAY! The same old shyt resurfaced less than a year into the marriage. Our marriage was over in a little less than three years.

 

Let him go. I think you'll be sorry if you take him back.

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alphamale

alphamale

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your kidding! after one year-of no contact!?

and you guys married-wow

someone I work with got back together with her b/f after a break of 8 or 9 months and then married. I think they've been married for 10+ years now and they don't seem too happy.

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horsekiss

horsekiss

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so your saying you had issues of the same kind???

our relationship was super -everything was perfect-until i started to question 'the commitment' issue-he would start to find fault-almost to the point of sabotaging the relationship-turning everything on me-it was my fault! of course after years ofdating i wanted more-i geuss i would start to get emotional and he would dismiss my feelings and wouldnt talk about the issue-either brush it off-give me one of his million excuses!

it will happen soon

not ready yet

have to finish schooling

job not secure!

always an excuse

if that didnt shut me up-he would literally disapear for wks -then come back-i missed him -and didnt probe the issue -for a while

then once again when things settled-i would subltly start to hint -

this time after many many disappearances

we came to no way other than to move forward-all the excuses were used up! he hit 40!-and ran like someone lit his ass on fire

 

4 months no contact

 

trying to stay strong

been tough-couldnt eat lost sleep,lost 15 pounds

but i know these types never change-scared! dont want it!

 

serious sets in-he bolts!!!!!!!!!!

 

dont doubt he will ever change

i will be left picking up the pieces over and over

i am getting alot stronger but miss him

 

walking away is probably the best thing for me to do

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KittenMoon

KittenMoon

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It happens. I do know a few couples who got back together after a break-up and have made it work for many years. Heck, my cousin is engaged (we think? :confused:) to an old gf from high school and he's in his late 30s.

 

It's not about whether they come back- its about whether they're committed to REALLY working things out FOREVER. Heck, plenty of couples who marry when they've never broken up before get divorced.

 

Apparently, there are no guarantees. Who knew?!:laugh:

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alphamale

alphamale

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walking away is probably the best thing for me to do

the hardest thing to do is usually the right thing to do...

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BareGoddess

BareGoddess

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so your saying you had issues of the same kind???

our relationship was super -everything was perfect-until i started to question 'the commitment' issue-he would start to find fault-almost to the point of sabotaging the relationship-turning everything on me-it was my fault! of course after years ofdating i wanted more-i geuss i would start to get emotional and he would dismiss my feelings and wouldnt talk about the issue-either brush it off-give me one of his million excuses!

it will happen soon

not ready yet

have to finish schooling

job not secure!

always an excuse

if that didnt shut me up-he would literally disapear for wks -then come back-i missed him -and didnt probe the issue -for a while

then once again when things settled-i would subltly start to hint -

this time after many many disappearances

we came to no way other than to move forward-all the excuses were used up! he hit 40!-and ran like someone lit his ass on fire

 

4 months no contact

 

trying to stay strong

been tough-couldnt eat lost sleep,lost 15 pounds

but i know these types never change-scared! dont want it!

 

serious sets in-he bolts!!!!!!!!!!

 

dont doubt he will ever change

i will be left picking up the pieces over and over

i am getting alot stronger but miss him

 

walking away is probably the best thing for me to do

 

Yes, I'm saying all the old issues eventually resurfaced.

 

You say everything was perfect until you started to question the commitment issue. Well, everything WASN'T perfect then. If a 40 year old man doesn't want commitment and YOU DO, then nothing is perfect. He may miss you and come back and even MARRY YOU. But this WILL crop up again. I'd bet on it.

 

Be warned. You may get him to the altar, but why would you want to? He doesn't want what you want and you can't make him want what you want.

 

Yes, you'll miss him for awhile but it's best to walk away now and save yourself all the heartache that is most likely down the road if you get back together.

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horsekiss

horsekiss

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i have been ignoring the friggen red flags! all these years

man i was blind-thinking 'oh he will change'

dumb dumb-why do women think they can change a man?arhhhhh!!!!!

 

 

if someone doesnt want something-and you basically have to put a gun to thier head! then wht the hell is the point?

i dont want a man i have to drag to the altar

i want us to walk to it hand and hand...

 

and your so right-so what

if it ever got to that point- why would he not bolt then too-marriage doesnt solve the issue

 

i am getting stronger-and as time gos by those feelings of missing him will subside

 

hopefully i will one day say-'wow should have done this so much sooner'

'if i knew then what i know now"

 

he is 40-that was sort of our deadline as to making a decision-the 'boy'

couldnt do it!!!!!!!

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BareGoddess

BareGoddess

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Good for you, Horse! You sound like a strong and smart woman. Come here for support because at times, it may get rough. But you'll get through it. I'm sure you'll meet someone in time who will be BEGGING you for marriage. That's what I"d hold out for. Not some little boy who doesn't know what he wants in life at the age of FORTY! Sheesh!

 

Be strong! We're here for you.

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horsekiss

horsekiss

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he thinks i am this shy weak girl that will be there waiting with open arms -he even told once'you will never leave me you love me to much'

can you believe it

 

well -buddy

after 4 months-he doesnt see me pleading or begging for him to come back

as i used to in the past!

 

i am a strong confident smart woman-i am secure in myself and i know when i do heal i will have no problem meeting someone

he hasnt destroyed all of my self-esteem

 

thanks so much for your advice!

and kind words

horsekiss

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BareGoddess

BareGoddess

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You're welcome, Horsekiss! Be proud that you've done it for the past four months! He sounds SO arrogant! Yuck!

 

You WILL heal before you know it and I have no doubt you will meet someone who actually deserves your love.

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