zenonthesequel Posted July 17, 2006 Share Posted July 17, 2006 I been dating my b/f (let's call with T) for about 3 1/2 years now. Lately for the last 4 months I have no idea why did he all of the sudden changed if everything was going alright, we use to talked alot, relate so much, and he was very supportive. However, lately he's been getting abusive and I have lost my temper for the second time already, he won't shut up when I told him to stop and that I had enough. He's abusive, not with hitting, but in putting me down so much, keeps saying that his ex has prettier boobs, was shorter than me and a lot skinnier and more understable, WTF. The most embarrassing part comes when he keeps critising me and my friends, even in front of my entire family, in front of his parents too (his parents don't say anything off course). I know I should dump him, all my friends and family is telling me I should break up, but it's not easy, not when I'm still in love. Or whenever I'm stress or if I were to tell him that I just fluck an exam I study a lot, he makes critical comments and says "Oh you probably didn't study at all, I bet my ex would have ace it", grrrrrrrrrrr. I not getting good comments from him anything, most of the things he lets go are negative comments and the stupid comparison to his ex. Needless to say, I completely lost it on two occassions, it was my secodn time this weekend that I went on T. Only this time I gave him a black eye, he wouldn't shut the hell up with the nasty comments. T drives me nuts, it's like I really feel like throwing the computer chair at him. By the way I was never a fighter in my life, never thought I woudl hit anyone, it was wrong but he won't stop. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 Is he seeing his ex? If things have been good for 3 1/2 years and now he compares you to his ex...whats up with that? Is she around? Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 I really think that it's time you ended your relationship with him. I know you love him, and don't want to, but a relationships is supposed to make you feel better about yourself, not worse. I know how painful those comments are about flunking exams, and not feeling "good enough". And I know that you feel everything would be great if he'd just take your feelings into consideration. But he's not going to. And by listening to him when he says these things, you're implying that it's okay he makes those comments. IF you won't leave.. (Please get out of that situation though.), but if you won't... Realize that what he's doing is attempting to control you by manipulating your emotions. He knows that he can hurt you (emotionally) and that he can cause you to lose control when he brings up his ex. I would bet he pulled this crap on his ex too. I'm having a hard time believing "you" would be the only person he's treated ever treated so disrespectfully. He knows his comments about the ex hurt you incredibly, and cause you to over react, and then he can blame you for what's wrong. He can shift everything onto your shoulders and there won't be guilt on his part... Because you hit him.. and all he was doing was talking. I don't know if you believe me or not... you're in a dangerous situation. If you're 100% sure that he won't become physically abusive with you, and you absolutely refuse to leave him for good... then next time he brings up the ex and how subpar you are compared to her... State that you don't wish to discuss this with him, and leave. (Go for a walk, visit your family, sit in your car and cry... but remove yourself from the situation.) Otherwise you're playing right into his game. It's not healthy for you to hear these things, it doesn't do you an iota of good, and only creates a violent and unhealthy situation. It might not stop him from bringing up the ex completely, but that small little demented part of his brain will realize that he's lost the upper hand with you. Which might also cause him to become violent with you. But you can't continue the way you are. You're going to react strongly to his words. If you can create enough self-awareness to realize when you are getting too angry to discuss things rationally, then take yourself out of the situation. You're not doing anyone any good by being so blinded with rage that you strike out. Plus, the more often you refuse to play into his game, the less power and control you hand over to him. Stop giving him what he wants. You can't "make" him do anything. But that doesn't mean you have to sit there and listen to him tear you down. The only person you have control over is yourself. You have a responsibility to yourself to take yourself out of those situations that are going to harm you. If you won't leave him for good... then at the very least, when he starts this kind of behavior, then leave until you can cool off and think rationally again. A few hours, or a couple days. And read up on emotional abuse. It will help you realize that it's not you, it's him. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 I'm still in love. Doesn't matter. He's not good for you and you're doing things to him that will land you in jail. Whatever you think 'love' is, it's not supposed to entail you receiving emotional abuse. Get out now and then maybe go get some counselling to help you define what love really is. Nobody is supposed to allow themselves to be abused in the name of 'love'. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 This isn't love; it's insanity. Read I Cor. 13. Love is patient and kind, not insulting and rude. I'd be telling this guy to WTFoff. Link to post Share on other sites
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