help

[tami]

I am currently living with my boyfriend. We have lived together for a year now. Lately he has been so angry towards me and has made me feel as though I was doing something wrong all the time. Well, I have caught him in some small lies that really shouldnt matter if he would have just came out and told me. Because of this I have begun not to trust him. Because of this I did a stupid thing by checking his e-mail because I suspected he was talking to an old girlfriend (which we have had issues about before). Well sure enough there was an email from her, and so I read it. In the email she stated that she really enjoyed seeing him over the thanksgiving holiday. I am not sure on how to react to this. Its not that its an exgirlfriend, he still talks to a lot of exs, which doesnt bother me because I know them and they have all made an effort to get to know me. This ex on the other hand used to hang up on me in the past when calling for him and he refusses to introduce us. He said that it wouldnt work out if he did, it would just make it worse. I told him that if he did introduce me and she acknwolged us being together then they could talk all he wanted, but he claimed that he didnt want anyting to do with her anymore and would discontinue speaking with her. Now he is talking to her and even meeting her out. How should I bring this up to him without this being all about me reading his email and being too jeolous?

[Tony T]

I think you should just come right out and ask him if he has seen this particular ex in the last month or so. If he says no, then you have the evidence to the contrary and grounds to terminate your relationship. By all means disclose the proof you have if he denies it.

 

He obviously still has feelings for her and, for some reason, is keeping her in reserve. His unwillingness to introduce you to her coupled with the email confirming a visit during Thanksgiving is positive proof that there is something going on beyond just an acquaintanceship.

 

There will be absolutely no loss to you if he gets mad because you saw this email. It will all be over by the time you have to tell him about this proof you have. You simply cannot continue in a relationship with a guy you do not trust.

 

Yes, I know you love him and all and want to make it work. Well, just go ahead and try. Trust is like virginity. Once compromised it can never be regained. Just try to continue this relationship and you will always wonder when he is lying. I feel really bad for you here. The guy is flat lying to you, he's seeing someone behind your back...and even on a special holiday like Thanksgiving for Pete's sake...and he's lying to you.

 

I just feel so bad but it's a whole lot better for you to find this out now than when you're married to him with three small kids.

[sparkle]

How should I bring this up to him without this being all

about me reading his email and being too jeolous?

I'd bring it up any way I pleased. After all, HE is the one jerking you around..lying to you and running around with some other girl behind your back. And after I ask him about it, I'd still dump his butt.

 

What's the point of dating someone that is still seeing his ex and is lying to you?

 

His actions and behavior seem pretty damn fishy.

Lately he has been so angry towards me and has made me feel as though I was doing something wrong all the time.

I've seen a few guys, when they were cheating on their girlfriend, act the exact same way. Perhaps it is because the other woman seems so new, different, exciting, and perfect. On the other hand, they start noticing all the "flaws" of their current girlfriend, and start getting annoyed and irritated by even the most insignificant things.

 

This always annoys me...he has the nerve to lie to you and cheat on you, and on top of that, HE is the one angry at YOU??? Definitely something wrong with the picture...

 

Anyway...

 

I hope you look beyond the length of your relationship with him, the past you shared, and the fact that you two are living together, and instead focus on the quality of the relationship at this PRESENT moment. Good luck in deciding what's best for you.

[Ed]

Yep. You did a stupid thing alright. Your lack of trust in him and the relationship should have been enough to let you know something is wrong. If you don't feel right, something's not right!

 

When it comes to personal relationships, if you are to the point that you have to snoop around to either get confirming evidence of trust violations or just to feel better about the relationship, then there are some major problems.

 

Definitely talk to him about this. He needs to know you are checking up on him and you need to realize you are with a man you feel you need to checkup on. How wonderful!