How do I let him go?

[Lena]

I've been seriously seeing a guy for 2 and a half years now. For the past several months I've been thinking about breaking up with him. The problem is that my negative feelings about him would come and go. Everytime I got almost to the point of letting him go, I would fall in love with him all over again. This back and forth of feelings went on for a great while, but now my feelings are almost entirely negative. But I really have no reason to break up with him if I think logically about it. He's a great guy, funny, sweet, he treats me very well, my family and friends all LOVE him. But I just don't feel anything for him anymore. He's told me that he doesn't want to get married anytime soon, which is good, because I'm only 21 and I definately don't want to get married anytime soon, but he keeps hinting about our future together, and everytime he does, I feel sick. My friends are asking me if we're gonna get married, and when they do, I very nearly freak out. He told me once that love is when every time you think about someone you smile, but every time I think about him lately I just get a big churning in my stomach (and not in a good way). We seem to be the perfect couple on the outside, and everyone says how cute we are together, but lately it's gotten to the point where I can hardly stand to look at him. I feel like our relationship is this huge mountain, and I'm trapped underneath it, struggling for air. I've finally come to the realization that I must end this soon, but I don't know how. My friends and family don't know that I'm having these feelings. I don't know how to tell them because we've been together so long and they like him so much and expect us to stay together. But I must end it. I miss myself. Please, somebody tell me how to break it off with him! Should I just show up at his house with all the stuff he's let me borrow and break it off clean? I've been thinking about this for quite a while, but I just can't figure out what to say. Any input would be greatly appreciated, and if you've read this far, thank you for listening.

[Sue]

I'm engaged to a guy I've been dating for 2 and a half years. I'm feeling alot of what you are feeling and I've decided to break off the relationship. I went to a relationship counselor last week and discussed my feelings with her, hoping she would tell me I was wrong, but she just confirmed everything I had been thinking and feeling. Last night I told him alot of what I was feeling and we are going to the counselor again tonight. You can't help how you feel and a relationship can only be truly right when both people love each other. You can't make yourself love him and you can't keep from hurting him. The best way is just to sit down with him and be honest about your feelings. I don't suggest that you just return his stuff and say 'See ya' but maybe gradually allow him to learn what you are feeling. Talking to a counselor might help as well.

 

Good luck.

I've been seriously seeing a guy for 2 and a half years now. For the past several months I've been thinking about breaking up with him. The problem is that my negative feelings about him would come and go. Everytime I got almost to the point of letting him go, I would fall in love with him all over again. This back and forth of feelings went on for a great while, but now my feelings are almost entirely negative. But I really have no reason to break up with him if I think logically about it. He's a great guy, funny, sweet, he treats me very well, my family and friends all LOVE him. But I just don't feel anything for him anymore. He's told me that he doesn't want to get married anytime soon, which is good, because I'm only 21 and I definately don't want to get married anytime soon, but he keeps hinting about our future together, and everytime he does, I feel sick. My friends are asking me if we're gonna get married, and when they do, I very nearly freak out. He told me once that love is when every time you think about someone you smile, but every time I think about him lately I just get a big churning in my stomach (and not in a good way). We seem to be the perfect couple on the outside, and everyone says how cute we are together, but lately it's gotten to the point where I can hardly stand to look at him. I feel like our relationship is this huge mountain, and I'm trapped underneath it, struggling for air. I've finally come to the realization that I must end this soon, but I don't know how. My friends and family don't know that I'm having these feelings. I don't know how to tell them because we've been together so long and they like him so much and expect us to stay together. But I must end it. I miss myself. Please, somebody tell me how to break it off with him! Should I just show up at his house with all the stuff he's let me borrow and break it off clean? I've been thinking about this for quite a while, but I just can't figure out what to say. Any input would be greatly appreciated, and if you've read this far, thank you for listening.

[Totally Confused]

I've been seriously seeing a guy for 2 and a half years now. For the past several months I've been thinking about breaking up with him. The problem is that my negative feelings about him would come and go. Everytime I got almost to the point of letting him go, I would fall in love with him all over again. This back and forth of feelings went on for a great while, but now my feelings are almost entirely negative. But I really have no reason to break up with him if I think logically about it. He's a great guy, funny, sweet, he treats me very well, my family and friends all LOVE him. But I just don't feel anything for him anymore. He's told me that he doesn't want to get married anytime soon, which is good, because I'm only 21 and I definately don't want to get married anytime soon, but he keeps hinting about our future together, and everytime he does, I feel sick. My friends are asking me if we're gonna get married, and when they do, I very nearly freak out. He told me once that love is when every time you think about someone you smile, but every time I think about him lately I just get a big churning in my stomach (and not in a good way). We seem to be the perfect couple on the outside, and everyone says how cute we are together, but lately it's gotten to the point where I can hardly stand to look at him. I feel like our relationship is this huge mountain, and I'm trapped underneath it, struggling for air. I've finally come to the realization that I must end this soon, but I don't know how. My friends and family don't know that I'm having these feelings. I don't know how to tell them because we've been together so long and they like him so much and expect us to stay together. But I must end it. I miss myself. Please, somebody tell me how to break it off with him! Should I just show up at his house with all the stuff he's let me borrow and break it off clean? I've been thinking about this for quite a while, but I just can't figure out what to say. Any input would be greatly appreciated, and if you've read this far, thank you for listening.

talking to a councelor might help, but i don't think so in your case. you are too young and you guys aren't even engaged. i think you have a case of the "what else is out there to explore gitters." it's totally normal. it's not that you don't like this guy, it's just that you don't like the fact that this perfect guy has shown up so soon, when you haven't even had a chance to really live and experience other people and things. he bores you, because it's too perfect and you want some excitment before you settle down. even when he says, don't worry i'm not ready for marriage, he might as well be because you two are in a committed, monogomous relationship and you still don't get to explore other options. he's holding you back and you're resenting him. so what i suggest is end it. not in a mean way, but in a mature truthful and honest way. he needs to hear it. don't be afraid of hurting him, he'll be o:k, afterall, you're hurting right now aren't you? people break up all the time and it is no easier for them than it is going to be for you. it's hard hurting someone you care about, whether you're in love with them or not. be adult about the whole breakup. let him know that you do care and love him, but you feel you want to be totally free for a while. just tell him what your hearts telling you. if he loves you he'll be incredibly hurt and mad, but he'll let you go. let him know that you don't feel the passion for him lately and you thinks it's because you're young and need to be free to experience things without him. too bad if he doesn't understand, do you have to stay miserable so he can stay happy? forget that. take care of you, because if he didn't want to be with you, he'd be out of there. if he really loves you, he'll give you time. if you two are meant to be, you will, and there's nothing you can do about it. Good luck and I hope things work out.

[Jake Whites]

Lena,

 

I think you have to be honest with him. It is also unfair if you don't tell him what's going on. If you want your boyfriend to not talk about the future, then tell him.

 

You are 21 years old, you're too young. There are tons of things that you want to experience, and learn. One of the things that you have to learn is trying to handle the relationship.

 

In short, don't conclude so soon. Talk it out with him. Anyway, that is your relationship.

 

By the way, nobody's saying relationships should be 100% happy and cool.

 

Take it easy,

 

Jake Whites.

I've been seriously seeing a guy for 2 and a half years now. For the past several months I've been thinking about breaking up with him. The problem is that my negative feelings about him would come and go. Everytime I got almost to the point of letting him go, I would fall in love with him all over again. This back and forth of feelings went on for a great while, but now my feelings are almost entirely negative. But I really have no reason to break up with him if I think logically about it. He's a great guy, funny, sweet, he treats me very well, my family and friends all LOVE him. But I just don't feel anything for him anymore. He's told me that he doesn't want to get married anytime soon, which is good, because I'm only 21 and I definately don't want to get married anytime soon, but he keeps hinting about our future together, and everytime he does, I feel sick. My friends are asking me if we're gonna get married, and when they do, I very nearly freak out. He told me once that love is when every time you think about someone you smile, but every time I think about him lately I just get a big churning in my stomach (and not in a good way). We seem to be the perfect couple on the outside, and everyone says how cute we are together, but lately it's gotten to the point where I can hardly stand to look at him. I feel like our relationship is this huge mountain, and I'm trapped underneath it, struggling for air. I've finally come to the realization that I must end this soon, but I don't know how. My friends and family don't know that I'm having these feelings. I don't know how to tell them because we've been together so long and they like him so much and expect us to stay together. But I must end it. I miss myself. Please, somebody tell me how to break it off with him! Should I just show up at his house with all the stuff he's let me borrow and break it off clean? I've been thinking about this for quite a while, but I just can't figure out what to say. Any input would be greatly appreciated, and if you've read this far, thank you for listening.

[Sare Bear]

I am in much the same situation. I have been with Jeremy for two years. We got engaged six months into the relationship. I got an exciting new job about six months ago and have had little time for him. Lately I have been unsure about how I have been feeling about him. Everything about him seemed to annoy me. I simply could not find a positive thing about him. Because of my confused feelings for Jeremy I started to go out with my friends from work alot and grew more and more disillusioned with my man. Finally I broke it off - the engagement and the relationship - and rebounded with a guy from work. I wish now that I had taken time out to work out who I was and what I wanted out of life. I (think I) realise now that Jeremy is the one Ilove. He has been depressed and that is why I became negative about him too. Now I will be hurting the rebound guy who has treated me like a goddess. I loved the attention but it doesnt mean anything if it isn't from the one who counts most in the world. It has taken my some time to come to this realisation.

 

I am not saying that you should stay with him or anything, but you need some time out on your own, with absolutely no romantic interests anywhere. I know it sounds cliche but you really do need to find out who you are. And you can't do that if you are always worrying about someone else. You have to take care of yourself. Never forget that.

[Lena]

Thank you all so much for your input. I've felt like such a horrible person because it's not even his fault, but it's nice to know that I'm not being totally unreasonable. I fully agree with Sare Bear that I need some time on my own without any romance. One of my problems is that I'm not entirely sure who I am right now, and it's hard to figure that out while trying to interlock with someone else. Thanks again,

 

Lena

[carmansa]

just go and have hard core sex with 2 men at the same time then and only then you will forget about the loser!!!

[kat]

just go and have hard core sex with 2 men at the same time then and only then you will forget about the loser!!! don't do that you will be even more confused just give it time and soon you will find a guy that really cares for you just like I did

[carmansa]

dont know if kat is your lover but the way i look at it it has had it's chance!!! back off my turn!!!

[Lena]

I'm sorry, Carmansa, but he's not a loser!!! I did break it off with him, not because I hate him, but because I don't want to be in a relationship right now. If I wanted a realationship I would still be in this one, but I want to be on my own, with no men! At least not romantically, anyway. I don't want to forget about him completely, he'my best friend. Not everything can be solved by sex with random people. That's the last thing I need right now. I'm sorry if my life is a joke to you, but I think you should read a little more carefully before you respond.

 

Lena

dont know if kat is your lover but the way i look at it it has had it's chance!!! back off my turn!!!