venus Posted December 8, 2001 Share Posted December 8, 2001 I'm writing this letter out of sheer frustration. I would love some insight if anyone has any to shed. My question is why are people so critical and self-centered in this world? After spending the last many years of my life dating drug addicts and alcoholics, I've finally met a wonderful man who treats my with the utmost and complete respect (the marrying type, and I'm completely not ready for that yet). The problem is that my friends are very vain and critical people. Because this man isn't drop dead gorgeous like the rest of my exes, they will think I'm aiming low and getting desperate. I know that sounds very vain on my part, but what should I do when it is outright the truth? I know I shouldn't worry about what others think, but I feel like I have to choose between a happy and stable relationship and my social life. That's a lot to risk on one guy! Any suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
sparkle Posted December 8, 2001 Share Posted December 8, 2001 If your friends think that, now they really aren't your friends, are they?? And they wouldn't really be your friends if they created a situation in which you had to choose between him or them. The last time I checked, a good friend would be completely happy for me if I met a guy I liked (and especially one that was not a druggie or a drunk)!!!!! Only you can decide whether to choose someone that will make you happy or you choose so-called "friends" who will judge you because YOUR boyfriend may not seem as gorgeous as THEY want. Link to post Share on other sites
Lilly Posted December 8, 2001 Share Posted December 8, 2001 You know your friends are a reflection of you, don't you? You probably wouldn't think of yourself as being vain or critical but there is a part of you that is (nothing wrong with that.... we all are to one degree or another). Your friends haven't even commented yet, have they? This scenario is happening in your mind, no one else's, yet. Once YOU see this man as drop dead gorgeous, once this is not an issue for YOU it wont be an issue with any of your friends either. Remember, what you put out is what you get back. See him as unattractive and everyone else will... see him as gorgeous and everyone else will too. Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted December 8, 2001 Share Posted December 8, 2001 Hm, I wonder if perhaps you're foisting your own objections to this man onto your friends -- who haven't said anything, have they? Is it possible that you realize that this is a wonderful, worthy man whom you should be delighted to be with -- but aren't, completely -- and you're reluctant to own up to that fact? I've dated plenty of men who just didn't do it for me but who I recognized were lovely guys, and I kicked myself many times for not being able to respond to their interest in me. If it's not there, it's not there. Don't blame it on your friends. If you've got issues that draw you to irresponsible, unhealthy types, address those issues, because until you do it's unlikely that you will be able to appreciate the good guys who come your way. If you were truly appreciative of this man's fine qualities -- rather than just telling yourself that you ought to be -- then it wouldn't matter what your friends had to say. And sparkle's point is a good one: true friends will be happy for your happiness. It doesn't sound like it's your friends who are preventing you from embracing this guy ... Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 8, 2001 Share Posted December 8, 2001 1. My question is why are people so critical and self-centered in this world? They are critical because they are unhappy with themselves. They are self-centered because they are trying desperately to make themselves happy when the key is taking their attention OFF themselves. 2. I know that sounds very vain on my part, but what should I do when it is outright the truth? Do what makes YOU happy and be with someone YOU love. Your friends have no business commenting about the appearance or attractiveness of someone you may be fond of. Just be very sure of YOUR feelings. Your friends don't have to live with the consequences of what YOU do or not do. It sounds like you've got a great guy here. If you think there is potential for building a relationship over time, by all means go for it. Believe it or not, if he's really nice and treats you well, he will become better looking to you each and every day. A great looking guy who's a butthole can get uglier each day as well. Remember if somebody is really drop dead gorgeous, you won't be able to enjoy him if you drop dead. Link to post Share on other sites
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