Does webcam sex count as cheating?

[Fun2BMe]

I recently got back together with an ex. Things seem to be going well except that I found out he watches this one girl perform live sex acts in the nude over the net on a webcam and he pays to see her do it. I found out from one thing leading to another on his computer.

 

At first I thought who cares, it's not a big deal. But I have been logging onto that website to her page and I can see that he is on it in the middle of the night from his username and it is beginning to bother me. Is this normal for all guys? They have 1 on 1 chat too.

 

If it was an occassional thing or with different women I wouldn't think much of it. The fact that it is with the same girl on a regular basis and they both live in the same city is starting to bother me. Should I be bothered? It's to the point I'm thinking to stop seeing him after things otherwise have been going so well.

 

I found all this out after finding out he has a myspace account he had not told me about when he knows I myself have one. This same girl happens to be the only girl on his friend list on myspace. I am getting more upset thinking about it. What should I do, confront him or does he have a right to all this while he is seeing me? Please help. I keep going to her web page and I see her all naked and cute, and it is killing me.

[a4a]

IMHO HUGE RED FLAG!

 

Since when is it ok for men in relationships to do this kinda crap?

 

I suppose if it is not a problem for you then disregard it.

 

I guess I am one hell of a lucky woman or picky enough to wait for a man without the stereotypical now socially accepted swine like tendencies.

 

WTF happened to decency. And what kind of a freak plops there stuff out there in web land to do live sex shows for others........

 

sorry for the mini rant.

 

Where is honor in this day and age? I am sick of hearing the new its ok because men are hard wired that way BS. And I am hard wired to kill people that piss me off or are on my territory...... yet I don't. Geeze oh petes.

[JackJack]

"Does webcam sex count as cheating?"

 

 

Yes. There are many forms of cheating. It doesn't have to be actual pyhsical touching.

[Fun2BMe]

It kills me to read what you think a4a. I know you're right, that it is swine like behavior, but it's like I want to fool myself into thinking it's ok that everyone does it and that I'm overreacting. I just can't believe i have to deal with this, right after I was happy things were going so well the second time around after being apart for 2 years. On top of it I'm in my 30s and this girl is 19. I feel so awful. I wish I never found out about it.

[SoleMate]

Well, the definition of cheating seems awfully fluid these days. The tolerance level has gotten higher than it used to be.

 

Cheating at poker is when you don't follow the rules - for dealing, betting, how to shuffle. Cheating in a relationship is "anything that violates the rules of the relationship". However, there isn't a Hoyle's Book of Games for love.

 

Absent a clear societal standard, the couple has to define their own. Just be clear...YOU have total control over what you will or won't accept. If he comes back and says, "But the way I am acting really is OK", you don't have to buy that.

 

I personally would dump his webcam wanking rear out the back door on garbage morning.

[Fun2BMe]

YOU have total control over what you will or won't accept. If he comes back and says, "But the way I am acting really is OK", you don't have to buy that.

 

I guess I am willing to accept this if people tell me it's no big deal, which is what I want to hear. I don't care what HE says as far as if he says it's ok. I want to decide for myself and move forward that way. Of course he would say it's only fun, blah blah blah excuses and would convince me of it so I want to be prepared and make my own decision without his influence.

 

I personally would dump his webcam wanking rear out the back door on garbage morning.

 

Funny you say that because it's garbage morning today here. I have her page up on my other webpage. She has been on for a few hours now and I keep looking at it, getting more and more upset. This is too cruel. I can't stop looking but the more I do the more it is tearing me up:confused:

[Fun2BMe]

And another troubling thing is that he is the professional, clean/cut type. Very serious, post grad degree. I'm the same. This girl however smokes and drinks til she gets drunk on the cam, flirts with very nasty men and sits around either naked or in lingerie talking dirty to any guy who will give her attention and for a fee they can go into a private room where she does anything they ask her to. This is the girl he is now into? I can't believe it.

[a4a]

You know many years ago..... many

When I was young and unsure of who I was or did not realize that I hold my own value I may have doubted if I should react a certain way.....or my feelings/ideals did not have value.

 

You have to set your own standards. You have to be your own person, who cares that others think if porn is sin or porn is a must have. Set your own standards and if that is what you want stick to it.

 

See I guess I have enough respect for myself that I would not tolerate such crap from a partner.

[a4a]

And another troubling thing is that he is the professional, clean/cut type. Very serious, post grad degree. I'm the same. This girl however smokes and drinks til she gets drunk on the cam, flirts with very nasty men and sits around either naked or in lingerie talking dirty to any guy who will give her attention and for a fee they can go into a private room where she does anything they ask her to. This is the girl he is now into? I can't believe it.

 

 

Well pay her a fee to hold up a sign to tell your X to get the hell out of your life! :lmao:

 

I am so hot and horny...... oh and Fun2BMe says "get the hell outta her life now loser"

 

You got to admit it is a great way to dump him

[basscatcher]

You have to set your own standards. You have to be your own person, who cares that others think if porn is sin or porn is a must have. Set your own standards and if that is what you want stick to it.

 

 

I got the impression that F2BM that you are living a lie.

You are clinging. You are insecure to dump this guy for whatever reason.

Even the good that you see in him isn't worth the future headache and heartaches..

 

I think you need to really do what a4a stated above before you dive into a committed serious relationship. Without some boundries, values and morals about yourself you are a sitting-duck to be taken advantage of, manipulated, and possibly abused..

 

When you have standards set for yourself it is easier to make a chioce to be true to yourself then to go solo without any rules or regulations for yourself..

[Fun2BMe]

Do you have to sound like her too? Every time a new guy enters her room she says "Hi baby, I'm so horny, r u?" Ughh I feel like throwing up. Whenever my bf enters, I swear she gets all excited, starts fixing her hair, takes a sip of her drink and tells him to go to her private room. I am so sick of this. I wonder if they meet in person too, I have that intuition feeling that they do, especially since he has her myspace account and personal info. She is the only female myspace he has and I saw a lot of emails from her in his mailbox too.

 

If I ignore all this, as though I had never found out, things are otherwise going incredibley well between us, like they never have before. That would be crazy a4a if she held up a sign saying I am leaving him@ But she would probably be happy about it, she'd have him all to herself. This is like a bad nightmare.

[Devrapunzel]

Fun2BMe,

 

I remember your original posting of "Blast from the past...." on the Second Chances forum. Your very last post there said that second chances can be good and that "the ex is doing everything right he failed to do the first time around." This webcam BS is NOT doing everything right for a second chance. I do believe second chances can be good, but both parties have to adjust behavior accordingly. Geez, you just started your second chance and already you're dealing with this? I would take this as a HUGE red flag and run. If you're this upset over it, it's unlikely that you will be able to convince yourself that his behavior is somehow o.k. (a4a nailed it by calling it "swine-like").

 

BTW, on your original post, I said tread lightly because "it's not fair" to him if you go back without being completely sure. Now having a clearer picture of this guy, I take that comment back. IT'S NOT FAIR TO YOU!

[Fun2BMe]

I got the impression that F2BM that you are living a lie.

You are clinging. You are insecure to dump this guy for whatever reason.

Even the good that you see in him isn't worth the future headache and heartaches..

 

I think you need to really do what a4a stated above before you dive into a committed serious relationship. Without some boundries, values and morals about yourself you are a sitting-duck to be taken advantage of, manipulated, and possibly abused..

 

When you have standards set for yourself it is easier to make a chioce to be true to yourself then to go solo without any rules or regulations for yourself..

 

That's the problem. I have always held unrealisticly high standards to the point my friends say that's why I am still single, that I always find fault with everyone I meet so I am trying to be more openminded. It has gotten to the point where I don't know what I believe in any more.

 

I don't knonw if he is taking advantage me. I mean I think he really does love me. Maybe this is just a pastime for him that he will get over? I just don't know. He has a lot of other qualities that I like which I have not found in others, so it is hard to say what to accept and what not to. I don't know if something is wrong with me that I am even thinking of putting up with this, torturing myself looking at her and thinking of them together. This is crazy. I think I am in denial or something.

[a4a]

I think I am in denial or something.

 

Yeppers you are.

 

Confront him on this asap.

 

This is not the behavior of someone who respects you or truly cares for you if indeed he is aware that it bothers you.

 

As for people telling you that your standards are too high...... maybe you should tell them their standards are too low for your taste.

[Devrapunzel]

Do you have to sound like her too? Every time a new guy enters her room she says "Hi baby, I'm so horny, r u?" Ughh I feel like throwing up. Whenever my bf enters, I swear she gets all excited, starts fixing her hair, takes a sip of her drink and tells him to go to her private room.

 

Yeah, she gets excited because she likes the money in her pocket as a result.

 

Uggh, now I feel like throwing up too. I feel for you because I know that sick feeling you are feeling inside at this very moment. I've been there. Please remember this has nothing to do with you. His BS isn't because you aren't pretty enough, young enough, thin enough, or whatever self-talk is running through your mind. This crap has NOTHING to do with you. You did not cause this. Whether you're in his life or not, he will be engaging in this sh*t. Try not to ruminate on "why", but rather focus on your own boundaries.

[Fun2BMe]

As for people telling you that your standards are too high...... maybe you should tell them their standards are too low for your taste.

 

I like that, that's a good one. I get upset when they tell me that and some think I'm being too snobby, but you're right, I'd rather be alone than lower my standards which it looks like I am in the process of doing right now.

 

If I leave him, I really don't want to bring up the webcam. He might justify his use of it in his mind and not be hurt that I am leaving him. I want him to be hurt as much as I am hurting right now if I tell him after thinking about it I don't want to see him any more.

 

The girl is still on her cam. She has 2 pigtails and aside from her breasts I swear she looks like she is way under 18. I am so disgusted he is so into someone like her. She posted on his page that she does it to pay for her school and he has sympathy for her but HELLO I took out so many student loans which I am still paying back. Dam it I am pissed off.

[Fun2BMe]

Yeah, she gets excited because she likes the money in her pocket as a result.

 

Uggh, now I feel like throwing up too. I feel for you because I know that sick feeling you are feeling inside at this very moment. I've been there. Please remember this has nothing to do with you. His BS isn't because you aren't pretty enough, young enough, thin enough, or whatever self-talk is running through your mind. This crap has NOTHING to do with you. You did not cause this. Whether you're in his life or not, he will be engaging in this sh*t. Try not to ruminate on "why", but rather focus on your own boundaries.

 

Thanks for feeling my pain and for the reminders. I have stopped eating thinking if I am as thin as her I too will look much younger, maybe get some botox. This is driving me mad.

 

She finally logged off now. She was on from 4am-8:30am. Yuck. Now she'll go to class and act all normal, that's if she really is a student. Oh it's summer so I guess she's off. See how I am obsessing over it?

[a4a]

You were decieved........ of course your pissed.

 

Now don't chuck your values away because other people say its okay for their SO's to do this crap. You decide what you want and need.

 

As for her well she has to live with her actions for the rest of her life.

Imagine being in her shoes. Sad.

 

Wash your hands of this matter ASAP. Move on and stay as snobby as you want to until you find someone that fits your snobby expectations.

 

******* on a side note if you want to laugh really hard: I asked my H if he wanted to watch porn over the weekend to heat things up, the bastard turned me down (but still had awesome hot monkey lovin) So not all men are porn mongers. Just hold out until you find the right one before you commit......wait to find one that suits your standards and you suit his.

[Craig]

I guess I am one hell of a lucky woman or picky enough to wait for a man without the stereotypical now socially accepted swine like tendencies.

Hey! Slow down there girl, there's no reason to be insulting swine.

[Chinook]

Um, he's PAYING for someone to perform lurid sex acts for him to attend to himself with..?

 

How is this different from prostitution..?

 

I really don't understand why you're still with him.

[a4a]

Hey! Slow down there girl, there's no reason to be insulting swine.

 

 

I agree Craig,,,,,,,,,,,, sorry. Swine are very clean and intelligent creatures.

 

I do know this as I have 3. :D

 

But it is a word most identify with as you know.

 

Perhaps we should use the name platypus instead of swine

[Fun2BMe]

Um, he's PAYING for someone to perform lurid sex acts for him to attend to himself with..?

 

How is this different from prostitution..?

 

I really don't understand why you're still with him.

 

I didn't even think of it as porn prior to this thread, maybe corresponding sexually with a female other than myself, but on top of it prostitution huh. This is not a good way to start the day. I feel so terrible and hurt.

[a4a]

I didn't even think of it as porn prior to this thread, maybe corresponding sexually with a female other than myself, but on top of it prostitution huh. This is not a good way to start the day. I feel so terrible and hurt.

 

 

Start thinking this way:

 

I am too good to deserve this.

I do not need this sort of negativity in my life.

I do not need more of this in my future.

I have already given him a second chance and he has once again shown his true colors.

I am quite able to move on after this.

I do not deserve to be stuck with such a platypus of a man.

 

Then gather up your strength and dump his butt.

[Craig]

Start thinking this way:

 

I am too good to deserve this.

I do not need this sort of negativity in my life.

I do not need more of this in my future.

I have already given him a second chance and he has once again shown his true colors.

I am quite able to move on after this.

I do not deserve to be stuck with such a platypus of a man.

 

Then gather up your strength and dump his butt.

Agreed. Fun2BMe, your bf is the reason the word "next" was invented.

[Chinook]

I didn't even think of it as porn prior to this thread, maybe corresponding sexually with a female other than myself, but on top of it prostitution huh. This is not a good way to start the day. I feel so terrible and hurt.

 

Sorry, but the girl is prostituting herself - no matter how she dresses it up. It's all by evasive 'electronic' means which just serves to reinforce the idea that there is nothing wrong with it... which in my not-so-humble opinion is plain old b*ll*cks.