Author Fun2BMe Posted July 19, 2006 Author Share Posted July 19, 2006 Maybe since you have an account on match he feels its ok to do what he is doing. Wheather you are meeting to or talking to men or not, maybe he sees this as if its ok for you its ok for him type of thing. Match and then the web cam thing he is doing is taking away from your relationship as a whole. I think you both need to think about what it is you truly want from the relationship. I've had my match account for years, since the very beginning it came out. Whenever I am not seeing someone I use it, and when I am seeing someone it remains dormant and shows the last time I logged on which could be days, weeks or months. Why should I delete the account and remake a new one over and over again? Nobody I've seen has ever had a problem with it. It's not like I change my age and use a not so clear picture, with sunglasses to try to conceal I'm on there. It's out in the open. That's like saying I should delete all of my IM accounts too. Where do you draw the line? You think it's the same problem as his watching this girl do live sex acts for him? Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 I love how people are passing it off as, "its just porn". No its not it goes a little deeper than "just porn". If he were viewing porn pics of naked girls, or even video clips of girls etc then it might "just be porn". But the fact is he is actually communicating with this girl! Who gives a sh*t that he can't reach out and touch her physically, the fact is he is emailing her, and talking with not just looking at her cam right? So you either talk with him about how you feel on thematter or you don't. If not then accept the fact he is doing what he is doing. You might say why should I accept it? You shouldn't have to. BUT if you choose not to mention it to him chances are he will keep doing it. He might continue to do it anyway. Looks to me though it might be worth a shot to at least let him know how you feel on the matter. After you have talked with him, and IF he is still doing this, then maybe you need to dump him. Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 Give that guy a break, it's not like he's gonna actually meet the cyber girl in real life. Just cuz he cybers and watches girls on cam doesn't mean he has that real intention of actually getting to meet her and performing the acts on her. I'm not taht emotional girl that would be like "Oh he just hurt me, he cheated by cybering with another girl". As long as it doens't interfere with his daily life, and it's just on a basis, not often, and doesn't waste hours on it, nor bceomes addicted to it, and it's only a flirty thing, then I wouldn't really mind if I had a b/f who did that. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 I agree that this is not just porn and I see an emotional relationship there that is taking it's toll on your relationship with him and your relationship with yourself. If he were not paying her for her 'services' and she were providing these titillating 'services' free of charge what would be said of his actions? Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 Most people just do it for fun, the idea of playing with that person. You can tell people online "I love you" but give them a fake name, that doesn't mean you love them, it's just written down fantasies. Now if he well to actually meet her in rela life and go on a date, kiss, or have any type fo contact then it's not a fantasy anymore, it's cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted July 19, 2006 Author Share Posted July 19, 2006 Give that guy a break, it's not like he's gonna actually meet the cyber girl in real life. Just cuz he cybers and watches girls on cam doesn't mean he has that real intention of actually getting to meet her and performing the acts on her. I'm not taht emotional girl that would be like "Oh he just hurt me, he cheated by cybering with another girl". As long as it doens't interfere with his daily life, and it's just on a basis, not often, and doesn't waste hours on it, nor bceomes addicted to it, and it's only a flirty thing, then I wouldn't really mind if I had a b/f who did that. My fear is that he will meet her in person maybe since she is in the same town. She also looks strikingly like his ex before me and I think that too is messing with my head. It makes my self esteem feel shot, thinking she has something to offer him that he can't get from me, that he has to go to HEr specifically when there are millions of other pornstars out there. I feel threatened by it, but if I decide to accept it, I have to stop watching her cam and get it completely out of my mind because other than this issue things had been going perfect. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 I agree that this is not just porn and I see an emotional relationship there that is taking it's toll on your relationship with him and your relationship with yourself. If he were not paying her for her 'services' and she were providing these titillating 'services' free of charge what would be said of his actions? Um, I have a MySpace account, and amongst my friends we joke about "MySpace prostitutes" because that's what I consider them to be - if you are exchanging sexual favors, even mutual masturbation, for money, then you're a "pro". That said, I agree with Craig. This is not simple pornography. The difference is that this is INTERACTIVE. Pornography is a passive activity. You look at pictures, watch a video, there is no interaction between you and porn star. Porn star doesn't even know that you exist at all. This is very different. There is direct communication, interaction. I mean, if people in long distance relationships have a relationship, then IMO this is no different. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 Most people just do it for fun, the idea of playing with that person. You can tell people online "I love you" but give them a fake name, that doesn't mean you love them, it's just written down fantasies. Now if he well to actually meet her in rela life and go on a date, kiss, or have any type fo contact then it's not a fantasy anymore, it's cheating. "Most people do it just for fun" Then those people shouldn't be in a relationship. A relationship is not all about fun and games. Its about communication, honesty and respect as well. The bottom line is, its something that bothers her. If two people agree that porn in fine in their relationship, then its cool, but that doesn't seem to be the case here. Its wreaking havoc on her life. That should speak volumes. Link to post Share on other sites
typical Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 WTF happened to decency. And what kind of a freak plops there stuff out there in web land to do live sex shows for others........ sorry for the mini rant. Where is honor in this day and age? I am sick of hearing the new its ok because men are hard wired that way BS. And I am hard wired to kill people that piss me off or are on my territory...... yet I don't. Geeze oh petes. a4a, I agree..... That said, I agree with Craig. This is not simple pornography. The difference is that this is INTERACTIVE. Pornography is a passive activity. You look at pictures, watch a video, there is no interaction between you and porn star. Porn star doesn't even know that you exist at all. This is very different. There is direct communication, interaction. I mean, if people in long distance relationships have a relationship, then IMO this is no different. Otter beat me to it, but these are my exact thoughts as well. Of course it is cheating. He is asking her to perform sexual acts, for his specific gratification and she complies. Later, she recieves money for her time. As Otter stated, this is no different than a long distance relationship---although it is a bit more dangerous....being that she lives in the same town, and she is slutty like that, do you really think they, if given a chance, would NEVER meet up??? Link to post Share on other sites
typical Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 Well pay her a fee to hold up a sign to tell your X to get the hell out of your life! :lmao: I am so hot and horny...... oh and Fun2BMe says "get the hell outta her life now loser" You got to admit it is a great way to dump him ---a4a You should do EXACTLY that...if I were you, I would. But I'm not, so I wont. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted July 19, 2006 Author Share Posted July 19, 2006 You should do EXACTLY that...if I were you, I would. But I'm not, so I wont. I know, I think that would be so funny but no way would I do that I mean, if people in long distance relationships have a relationship, then IMO this is no different. That is such a GOOD point. ----------------- Here's the latest update. I sent him an email apologizing for being moody last night, blaming it on PMS. Minutes later he called me, I hadn't heard him sound so happy in a long time, he said he was so relieved to get my email. The poor guy was wondering why I seemed cheerful at dinner, asking how did the PMS kick in. I told him I had been feeling it on and off the whole day that the company at dinner only distracted me from how I was reallly feeling. Then he talked about what he was going to do that day, told me about his brother recovering from something and all that. So, I guess the bottom line is to block out the webcam girl. I mean how can I let a 19 year old ruin everything,drive me nuts like this. I am so tempted to check her on her webcam literally every minute. I stayed home from work yesterday watching her and obsessing over all this so imagine how pent up I was last night when I finally saw him. I guess this is the new age of cybersex. I mean imagine all the relationships that would have to be over if all the women left their men over this. That website with the webcams probably has millions of men patrons. Dam it I'm making excuses. I just don't know. But thanks for all the love and care you guys have provided. It has made me feel better knowing you all care. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 So, I guess the bottom line is to block out the webcam girl. I mean how can I let a 19 year old ruin everything,drive me nuts like this. I am so tempted to check her on her webcam literally every minute. I stayed home from work yesterday watching her and obsessing over all this so imagine how pent up I was last night when I finally saw him. This 19 year old is NOT ruining everything. Your b/f is. He is the one that chose to log on or click that website/cam. If you want to wallow in self pity and depress yourself even further by viewing this girls web cam and staying home from work, then I guess its what you do. I can't understand what the point is or why you would want to keep torturing youself this way. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 F2BM, this obviously bothers you a lot and maybe some of your behavior is a little ott (like staying home from work to watch her), but it sounds like you're going to not say a thing just so that you don't make any waves. That's no way to live. If you can't share your concerns with him and have a reasonable discussion together about things like that, what kind of relationship do you have anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 I may be way off base here, but I'm starting to think that the OP is getting something out of this. Anyone who would stay home to see this girls webcam or is constantly viewing it thinking about it etc, has an obbsession with the whole thing. I understand you are upset, but you're trying way to hard to figure out WHY he is doing this. Sure its natural to wonder why, but you're taking it to far. JUst talk with him about it. Why wont you do that? Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 I guess this is the new age of cybersex. I mean imagine all the relationships that would have to be over if all the women left their men over this. That website with the webcams probably has millions of men patrons. Dam it I'm making excuses. Yes, you need to get over it. It's just like he's playing Internet chess with a buddy. He's part of her harem. I did like the suggestion of comparing his situation to a LDR, though. Sounds like an incredibly misplaced notion - she probably doesn't know him from a bar of soap. Or a suggestive sentence. This is completely intolerable because he is obsessed with this girl, and now it's not that you just aren't in his fantasies, but you're not #1 in his mind either. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted July 19, 2006 Author Share Posted July 19, 2006 I may be way off base here, but I'm starting to think that the OP is getting something out of this. Anyone who would stay home to see this girls webcam or is constantly viewing it thinking about it etc, has an obbsession with the whole thing. I understand you are upset, but you're trying way to hard to figure out WHY he is doing this. Sure its natural to wonder why, but you're taking it to far. JUst talk with him about it. Why wont you do that? It's not so much the why of it I'm trying to figure out. The why is that she is young and now I see she looks like his ex gf. I guess I look at her because I want to see what she does that is so different than me, what he sees in her also to see if he chats with her. It posts the chats they are having live. Only doesn't show when they pay to go private for a 'show' where they can tell her to do whatever for them to watch. Trust me, I am working on it. Ever since my morning post I have not gone to her page to look at her as tempting as it is. I don't know your gender Guest but if you are female you know how curious we can get about these things. But the best thing will be out of sight, out of mind. Hopefully I will forget about it. The only thing I have been getting out of it is a lot of pain, but it is less now that I am avoiding looking at her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted July 19, 2006 Author Share Posted July 19, 2006 Yes, you need to get over it. It's just like he's playing Internet chess with a buddy. He's part of her harem. I did like the suggestion of comparing his situation to a LDR, though. Sounds like an incredibly misplaced notion - she probably doesn't know him from a bar of soap. Or a suggestive sentence. This is completely intolerable because he is obsessed with this girl, and now it's not that you just aren't in his fantasies, but you're not #1 in his mind either. In one sentence you say I have to get over it, it's like internet chess. In the next you say it's completely intolerable and that I'm not in his fantasies and not #1 in his mind. Ouch. I hope I am #1. Who's the one he took to dinner last night? Not her. But the problem is now I wonder if on other nights we are not together if he is taking her out. I don't know if he is seeing her since the ties are so deep as far as him being her #1 on her list out of many many. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 I guess I look at her because I want to see what she does that is so different than me, what he sees in her Well, one thing that's different about her is that she does live sex shows on web cam for money. THAT's what he sees in her. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 Ouch. I hope I am #1. Who's the one he took to dinner last night? Not her. Yes, okay. I guess I was out of line there. Sorry. You may be #1, it's just that he is spreading himself so thin that you're not really getting enough of what you want. Or are you? Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 Just a suggestion. When he comes home, dress up in your most sexiset outfit. Surprise him, do a strip tease for him. Or make you a video of your own for him, see how he reacts. Maybe something like that comes from you, would appeal to him. If he doesn't give you a second look then, its time to hit the door. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted July 19, 2006 Author Share Posted July 19, 2006 Just a suggestion. When he comes home, dress up in your most sexiset outfit. Surprise him, do a strip tease for him. Or make you a video of your own for him, see how he reacts. Maybe something like that comes from you, would appeal to him. If he doesn't give you a second look then, its time to hit the door. We don't live together, but maybe when he does come over to visit I can do something sexy out of the ordinary. This is way too much info and embarassing but before our second time around, during our first round relationship I had never given him a BJ which I did for the first time the last time he came over to my place last week after it had been 2 years since he had visited me in my home. That is like a big deal now between us, like a wow i can't believe we have incorporated that. I was shocked when he asked for it. Maybe I can think of something else that is just as spicy to spice things up? So maybe she gives him the fantasy stuff that he doesn't get from me? I would be way too embarassed to dress in a sexy outfit though unless he asked me to! Edit- to note that with other guys I am way more sexual and kinky, but with him, he is so conservative personality wise that it seems out of place to do sexy stuff. That's why I am shocked he even is into porn let alone this type of involvement with it. Link to post Share on other sites
typical Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Originally Posted by Fun2BMe: [/url]Ouch. I hope I am #1. Who's the one he took to dinner last night? Not her. At least not yet, anyway. Originally Posted by Fun2BMe :but with him, he is so conservative personality wise that it seems out of place to do sexy stuff Those type are usually the kinkiest of all. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts