Family driving me nuts!!!

[socm4t]

Hello, my family is driving me nuts, here is my story, anything helpful is welcome. Let me start out by saying, some of this I brought on myself, now I need some help with damage control.

 

My husband, myself and our children moved 1700 miles away from our families for a little peace, quiet and it was a lot more inconvenient to deal with the family drama. (Stopping by late at night, univited, late night phone calls., etc.,etc.,) A few months after we moved my dad moved onto our property, and has his own living quarters. The arrangement for his moving on our property is to help take care of our land and enjoy his retirement. Everything was going along just fine until my mother moved a few months ago and brought my sister's oldest son. My mom was certain she would never move from her surroundings, she was used to it and really didn't want any changes, she could afford where she was living, and had a reasonably good job. Then in January, much to my surprise, she decides she wants to move here. I was surprised, but could easily live it. My mom has her house, a place down the road and really not too many issues with her, atleast from the onset. Mom and dad are seperated and have been for well over 11 years.

 

Now getting back to my sister's oldest son, my nephew. He is a 17 year old, spoiled, ungrateful brat without much of a future at this point in his life. My mother and I argued, severely about him last August because she wanted to send him to me last year. I never invited him or the trouble he brings on himself, and I did not want my children around him because I feel he is a bad influence. I know, everyone is wondering where my sister is, well she is in the picture but chooses not to "parent" this child. My mother had him for a few years, not without incident, and now he is living with my dad on my property. This child has serious issues, his biological dad is nowhere in the picture. This kid has caused nothing but trouble since he moved here, he has been arrested, trouble in school, dropped out of school (although he is attemting to get his GED), mouthy, refuses to take his medication, which I find pills in my front yard, fights and argues with my father. My dad put out the money for his bail and I signed for his release. The only reason I allowed and agreed to get him out of the county lock up was because he was arrested for a traffic violation (gone bad) had it been anything else, he'd still be there. I do not give him excuses for his behaviour or tolerate his petty temper tantrums and he knows not to behave the same way around me as he does my dad, I won't tolerate it and it's disrespectful.

 

Ok, fastforward to the current, ok here it is I have this troubled Teen living around my kids, and my sister helps herself to the other living quarters on my property. My sister chose to leave her alcoholic husband, good for her for having the strength to do so, but took on the 1700 mile move with "her friend" and his child. She didn't move into my mother's house, she moved here. She asked me, some time ago, if she left her troubled hubby, could she come here? I agreed, but stated it would be a temporary situation not a permanent solution, 4 months tops. I really never thought she would actually do this. I believe it was an easy decision for her because my mom moved, and she relies entirely too much on mom as an adult, and in her move she brings the "friend" and his child. Well, here it is the whole family, all together again, a few miles apart from each other. Same old drama, same old problems, no real solutions and everyone getting into everyone's business. When sister moved, she had no car insurance on her vehicle, my dad paid for the policy. The night she arrived, she chose to sleep with her dogs instead of seeing a child she hadn't seen in 5 months. There has been a lot of other petty things but really, how does this type of person survive 40 years in the world?

 

The latest problem is my sister's youngest boy made the neighbors mad. They were walking their property, something happened, I really would be very embarrassed to discuss what he did, but you can imagine, so then the phone lines heat up. The child was reprimanded, told not to ever do it again, I apologized to my neighbors...repeatedly, and assured them it wouldn't happen again. As the phone lines heated up, I told my mother I didn't want ANY trouble with my neighbors, we've lived here without any problems and I don't want any. Well this is where she shows her controlling, neurotic behaviour...her response to me in the most condesending manner was "Well, Of course you don't want trouble with your neighbors!" She said it like I should have defended the kid's behaviour, he was wrong in what he was doing, there is no defense for him. And then mom went on, more sarcasticly about other things and I told her "I can't talk to you right now. I gotta go." My sister must have called 2-3 times after the neighbor incident. I didn't talk to her, I didn't want to hear what she had to say because there is never an apology, just some sort of screwed up explanation about everything. Sister needs to be a parent, raise her kids. She has been here less than 2 weeks and already is the annoying neighbor, asking for eggs and sugar.

 

This is becoming a strain on my marriage, my family and I'm stressed all the time. I won't answer the phone because I don't really want to talk to "the family", when they can't get me on the line, they show up at the door. I know I agreed to certain arrangements on a temporary basis, but this is just getting crazy, just too much at once, already. I was talking to my husband and I told him "Well, guess we were only entitled to a few months peace and quiet." My husband tries to remain as quiet as possible, he is reaching his limit, I know it's getting extremely close, there will be a lot of hurt feelings. My mom will think I've betrayed her some how when my husband erupts. How much are we expected to take?