smile;i'll do the stripping

[CrushedOrgans]

some of you may have read my other post.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t93462/

 

since i didn't get a whole lot of feedback, i'm taking my own route.

 

i am going to do my own striptease and submit it to one of those free video viewing sites. i am not going to tell him, but i am going to make sure he finds out somehow.

 

if he gets mad, then i know he's a big old hypocrite, because 1. he can't get mad at me for not telling him, and 2. it's "just looking", so it doesn't mean anything if it other guys check out my body and try to picture me naked and having sex with me, right?

 

yes, for those of you wondering, i am reconsidering marriage until furthur notice. i want to see where this all goes.

 

what do you guys think?

[stoopid_guy]

And who else would see this video? And who else would you want to see this video?

 

If you want to do that because you think it would be fun, and you don't mind it floating around the internet for the rest of time (would your grandkids recognize you in it?) Fine... To do it for revenge would be silly though.

 

Another thing; There are guys out there who have never enjoyed porn, maybe in the Himilayas? You'll have a difficult time finding one in any case. Now, it's a bit embarassing, a lot of guys won't admit to looking at porn, especially to a lady who's respect is important to them. We are human though...

 

P.S. If you do it, can you post a link? (and if that question disturbed you in the least, DON'T DO IT!)

[CrushedOrgans]

haha, thanks, stoopid guy. i am not disturbed by you.

 

once again, i don't have a problem with him looking at porn, i have a problem with him being a state champion liar.

 

so it's not so much revenge as it is to prove a point, that it should be perfectly okay for other guys to look at me and fantasize about me when i have a fiance, as long as it is okay for guys for fantasize about other women when they have a girlfriend/fiancee. because it all means nothing, right?

 

i do think he'll disagree, but he really can't, can he?

 

i guess we'll just say it's all about sharing. (assuming anyone would even look at me, who knows! )

[Curmudgeon]

Sorry, CO, but it sounds like a lot of game playing to me. As attractive as you may be, that's not!

[norajane]

That's a bit of faulty logic on your part. If you were looking at guys stripping and fantasizing about them and lying to your bf, then that might be analagous. But putting yourself on the web doing a stiptease just makes you a stripper.

[CrushedOrgans]

That's a bit of faulty logic on your part. If you were looking at guys stripping and fantasizing about them and lying to your bf...

 

well, no, not really, because looking at stripping men is not at all sexy to me and my fiance knows it. it may be sexier to me to post a stripping video of myself (not my face of course) on the web for other people to see.

 

he likes to look at unknown girls who show their stuff. i want to show my stuff to unknown guys who look. i have no interest in watching a guy strip, and he has no interest in showing his wang on the net.

 

in other words, how can he say to me "i don't want all these other guys seeing your naked body and fantasizing about you that way" when he is a guy who looks at other women's bodies and fantasizes about them that way. see what i mean? maybe not, but i do. sorry. i don't know how else to explain it, but it does make sense to me.

 

basically, it's okay for him to look at other women sexually on the web because they are strangers will not meet in real life and so it is harmless.

 

other men would be seeing my video, very similar to the ones he watches, and doing the same thing that my fiance does to other women, only it would be me. but only my fiance would know it was me. i'm just a stranger to everyone else, so it's harmless.

 

it can't only be okay for him and no else to look at other people's women, right?

 

maybe that's better? i don't know, i tried.

[norajane]

I dunno. All I can think is if it really pissed him off that you were stripping on the internet, not only would he break up with you, but all his guy friends would soon know you were the one who made that video. Or maybe he would tell his next girlfriend about it. And once you became known as a stripper, your pool of quality men would diminish considerably.

[CrushedOrgans]

I dunno. All I can think is if it really pissed him off that you were stripping on the internet, not only would he break up with you, but all his guy friends would soon know you were the one who made that video. Or maybe he would tell his next girlfriend about it. And once you became known as a stripper, your pool of quality men would diminish considerably.

 

 

okay, norajane, i understand what you are saying. but i didn't break up with him when i found out he was lying to me. and if he broke off our wedding because of this, he would be a huge hypocrit i wouldn't want to marry anyway. his pool of women (me) didn't pull away because he was dishonest. and he is lucky it wasn't about something worse because then he would be gone.

 

i just want him to understand why and how this is bothering me, that the fact that he lied about it shows me there is more to it there than he is telling me, and that he is still lying.

 

if there is really nothing to worry about, if this kind of thing is so harmless, he wouldn't worry about me showing my own body. it shouldn't even matter if his friends saw it, that's my point. that it should be just as for anyone to look at me as it is okay as him looking at others. it's all the same behavior, it's just different people in different roles. he might not know the girls he sees on the web, but someone does. same with me. he can't say that it's not right for me to feel the way i do about something, and then tell me i can't do something equal to what he enjoys because it bothers him.

 

and if i was really all that worried about it being seen, by other people and people knowing about it, i certainly would not do it, but thanks for your concern. and no, that was not sarcastic.

 

i am going to tell him today. i wonder what he'll have to say about it.

 

i don't want to argue, i don't want to break up, but i do want to feel heard and understood. and talking isn't helping and i'm even tired of it. and right now, that's the whole problem, i don't feel that i am being taken seriously with this. and i am not used to doubting him. and i really, really, don't like it. i don't think he''l understand my feelings until he feels them himself.

[blind_otter]

You can't make him understand, and degrading yourself will only make you look foolish. It won't prove your point. And let me tell you. If you let stuff like that out on the internet I guarantee someone will forward it to you in an email as a joke. Or god forbid forwarded to your parents.

 

Norajane is right, you're using faulty logic. He won't feel the same way you do, because the situations are entirely different. The only analogous situations would involve you looking at other men.

 

IMO this is childish. Instead of steping away from an unhealthy situation once you discovered him lying, you are basically trying to put a fire out with gasoline by upping the ante. And then you could end up in a compromised situation, and feeling foolish because you didn't think it through with a clear head.

 

Women often insist that their partner understand EXACTLY what they are feeling and to understand EXACTLY why they are upset. Realistically this is impossible: he is not you. He didn't live your life or have your family. Therefore his worldview will always be different from yours.

 

You would be better served chilling the heck out and dealing with THIS issue instead of creating another one.

 

I've been like you. It always ended up coming back to bite me in the ass. Sometimes YEARS later. Think about that.

[TUDOR]

I will let the others chime in on the logic and arguments over your proposed actions, all I ask is to please send me the link to the site upon your submital of your striptease please!

[CrushedOrgans]

You can't make him understand, and degrading yourself will only make you look foolish. It won't prove your point. And let me tell you. If you let stuff like that out on the internet I guarantee someone will forward it to you in an email as a joke. Or god forbid forwarded to your parents.

 

Norajane is right, you're using faulty logic. He won't feel the same way you do, because the situations are entirely different. The only analogous situations would involve you looking at other men.

 

IMO this is childish. Instead of steping away from an unhealthy situation once you discovered him lying, you are basically trying to put a fire out with gasoline by upping the ante. And then you could end up in a compromised situation, and feeling foolish because you didn't think it through with a clear head.

 

Women often insist that their partner understand EXACTLY what they are feeling and to understand EXACTLY why they are upset. Realistically this is impossible: he is not you. He didn't live your life or have your family. Therefore his worldview will always be different from yours.

 

You would be better served chilling the heck out and dealing with THIS issue instead of creating another one.

 

I've been like you. It always ended up coming back to bite me in the ass. Sometimes YEARS later. Think about that.

 

i understand what you're saying, but the part in bold, i already explained how i feel about it. how it would prove anything if i looked at males that he knows i get no sexual excitment out of? it wouldn't. he knows that does not turn me on. it wouldn't be the same thing. i might as well try to show him what i mean by telling the fact that i sometimes shop for pillows online. pillows, i would rather look and shop for pillows than check out nude, dancing males, and this has always been obvious. there would be zero effect to that whatsoever.

 

in the same sense that he can say to me "you are my fiancee, so i don't want you looked at that way", i can say "you're my fiance and you look at girls that way, so what's the difference?"

 

how can it be any more degrading for me to do what he likes to look at? how is it any less degrading for him to want to look?

 

very few people would know who i was, and if they did, like i said, if that was a concern of mine, i wouldn't consider it in the first place.

 

if i am supposed to accept his behavior on account of it being harmless and safe because he feels it is, he should be able to accept that i feel what i want to do is just as harmless and safe, or it will show that it is not so harmless and safe.

 

what if i wanted to do it for no reason, if i never found what he was looking at, if i never knew, and i really just had the opinion that it was okay for me strip on webcam? should he just have to accept it because i don't have a problem with it, even if it hurts his feelings and he doesn't like it?

 

if it were that case, i think everyone would be saying "why is it fair for him to look at naked whores online, but you can't do what you want with your own body, as long as there's no physical contact?" it sounds a little controlling to me, actually. but i'm biased.

 

i don't think he'll ever know what i feel exactly; no one really could. but at least if even the idea of men looking at my body the same way he looks at others affected him in some way, he might be able to understand why i do have the right to feel the way i do at least a little bit, and not act like my feelings are ridiculous.

 

(once again, my problem is not with porn depicting sex acts, it's the one girl stripping kind of thing. to me it is more personal, and the person is what is being seen, not the act. seeing a hot sex act and thinking, i wanna do my girlfriend like that=hot; seeing a hot girl dance and thinking, i hope to get to see what's under the clothes on this chick who isn't my girlfriend=not hot.)

 

as for the part of your quote i italicized, does that mean you think his lying about it was a reason to end it immediately? i wasn't sure, and i do feel like, why go through all this when i could just leave? but then i think, why leave when it could have been so much worse, and the porn doesn't bother me anyway? and then i think, can i ever really trust him? and then i think..............

 

blahblahblah. i know. i know it.

 

i do want to be with him, i guess i just want to show him that lying, especially when sex is involved, is not a good thing, and leads to other doubts. that's where i am now.

thank you for answering me.

[tanbark813]

how can it be any more degrading for me to do what he likes to look at? how is it any less degrading for him to want to look?

 

One thing to keep in mind is there's a big difference between how guys perceive strippers and how they perceive girls they consider gf/marriage material. Going through with this might change how he looks at you.

 

And FWIW, I have a feeling you're willing to threaten doing this but not actually follow through with it.

[CrushedOrgans]

One thing to keep in mind is there's a big difference between how guys perceive strippers and how they perceive girls they consider gf/marriage material. Going through with this might change how he looks at you.

 

And FWIW, I have a feeling you're willing to threaten doing this but not actually follow through with it.

 

i don't work well with dares. and who would i be threatening? you guys? i already said, i'm not going to tell him, i am just going to do it. he's going to find it. and when he asks me why i didn't tell him, i'll say i thought it was no big deal, there's nothing physical. it's just guys looking. just like you do.

 

but no, i've said several times, i have no reservations about it. well, other than that he might really be pissed. but that only reinforces my point.

 

going through with it, yes, might change how looks at me. but finding out he was lying for a long time changed the way i look at him as well, to the point that i think he should know what it's like.

 

maybe i do want him to see me differently anyway.

[CrushedOrgans]

well i did it.

 

i mean, i didn't submit it yet, but i am ready. so ready. yup.

 

and kinda nervous.

 

here's my new question...how can i make him accidentally find it? or should i just wait until he eventually does (he'll surely recognize me if he sees it on his own) and just let all the pieces fall where they may at that time? that would seem to have the most effect. i would also catch him in the act of looking, double whammy!

 

argh. maybe i'm not much of a schemer. but i will make this work.

[tanbark813]

Well be sure to provide us with the link.

[CrushedOrgans]

i don't think i am allowed to here.

[megnog]

i think he meant seeing you differently in a very bad way. in a way that he is only interested in your body and not YOU and that he could lose a great deal of respect for you.

at some points, i have to admit, i feel the exact same way as you and i wanted to be like YOU GO GIRL

but at the same time..... its very degrading, and i think you will regret this.

he lied about something, then you deal with HIM LYING. not him looking at other women. he will continue to look at them no matter what. you doing a little strip tease to make him suffer is only going to cause more problems in your relationship

now you seem very hard-headed about this so i'm not going to try and sway you but just think about it longer i guess before you take action.

[CrushedOrgans]

i think he meant seeing you differently in a very bad way. in a way that he is only interested in your body and not YOU and that he could lose a great deal of respect for you.

at some points, i have to admit, i feel the exact same way as you and i wanted to be like YOU GO GIRL

but at the same time..... its very degrading, and i think you will regret this.

he lied about something, then you deal with HIM LYING. not him looking at other women. he will continue to look at them no matter what. you doing a little strip tease to make him suffer is only going to cause more problems in your relationship

now you seem very hard-headed about this so i'm not going to try and sway you but just think about it longer i guess before you take action.

 

megnog, i think i like you. thanks. and your name's really cute.

 

i know he'll always look at woman. looking is fine, when it stops at looking.

 

but i don't see how i am degrading myself if i don't feel that way about it. and if he doesn't see looking at women that way degrading, than how can he argue? i ultimately think he will be like, "huh, i guess i didn't think of it that way." and maybe try being a little more honest and a little less like he is owed this right to want other particular females and hide it and lie. if i have to share his mind with other girls, what's wrong with sharing my body with others, especially if i see no problem with it? that's kind of how i am approaching it at this point.

[megnog]

i ultimately think he will be like, "huh, i guess i didn't think of it that way."

 

yeah, but what if thats not what he does?? what if he gets REALLY upset and does something you could have never expected??

 

i don't know

 

i kind of want to see what he does/how he reacts. if i had a good body i might try the same thing with my boyfriend. if hes going to look at other women then why can't other men look at me if its all just 'no big deal'? that kind of **** exists in my relationship cept more on the side of my boyfriend doesn't like me wearing "revealing" clothing because he doesn't want other guys checking me out.. but yet he can check out the women that have revealing clothing on?

 

i have a question though - so if he came out and told you that he looked at porn on a daily basis, would you stop these shenanigans?

[CrushedOrgans]

yeah, but what if thats not what he does?? what if he gets REALLY upset and does something you could have never expected??

 

i have a question though - so if he came out and told you that he looked at porn on a daily basis, would you stop these shenanigans?

 

if he gets really upset, he'll see where i am coming from, and maybe appreciate how i've felt and thiat it affected me this much.

 

if he does something drastic, i guess i could try to stop him, but ultimately, i don't want to be with someone who is so quick to dismiss my feelings, but abandons me to nurture his own. i wasn't that selfish. maybe he will be. it'll one more strike against him, one more thing i didn't know and should have known before i marry him.

 

i've acted normal, i get quiet from time to time and i'm sure he knows why, but things have been okay between us. we still, like, get it on and whatnot. i haven't been making his life miserable. i didn't make any rash decisions. i'm not grilling him on everything w've already talked about 10 times.

 

this would really be our first big fight. it would be beneficial to gauge his reaction when he's pissed at me. usually i don't do anything wrong.

 

as for your question, no, because it's not about that. and it's too late that he lied, he can't unlie. that's my whole issue, that and that he thinks it's okay to focus in on particular women, porn or not. he was always the type to say he really didn't think that way about women, but he, as are all guys when they say that, is a liar. i usually don't believe him, but it seemed so genuine. he kept telling i am focusing in on this one rare time that he was talking to his buddies about this stripping girl. i guess it's possible. but how would i know?

[Citizen Erased]

I really dont think you are going about this the right way. If he finds it (it it will be very unlikely that he will as it will go in with millions of other "actvities") then he will just turn around and say that you can't get annoyed with him looking if you do it yourself.

 

Men look at porn but they dont actually take the females in Porn home to meet their parents, take them out to dinner, have children with them etc. They watch for whatever reason which is really vague but unavoidable. If you are so determined to do this then think of the lesser of two evils. Show him this tape which you have made and casually tell him you were thinking of putting it on the Net, watch as the man comes out to protect him female. No man wants thousands of men to look at their Girlfriends. By putting it on the Net, he cant do anything about it but if you use this then he will jump over hurdles to avoid this.

 

This is the best reaction you can get out of him because otherwise he will break up with you. He hasn't interacted with anyone by looking at porn but by putting your own body out there for hundreds of men to see then you have. Like I said, men don't marry Porn Stars. They marry people they respect (no offence to the women involved, I am sure that they marry but there are far more married men who look at porn then married women who perform - I do admire some of your work however, spices up things in the bedroom ) ANYWAY I hope you dont do this because you will regret it.

[CrushedOrgans]

then he will just turn around and say that you can't get annoyed with him looking if you do it yourself.

 

If you are so determined to do this then think of the lesser of two evils. Show him this tape which you have made and casually tell him you were thinking of putting it on the Net, watch as the man comes out to protect him female. No man wants thousands of men to look at their Girlfriends. By putting it on the Net, he cant do anything about it but if you use this then he will jump over hurdles to avoid this.

 

some of your work however, spices up things in the bedroom ) ANYWAY I hope you dont do this because you will regret it.

 

 

okay, i can't seem to cut and paste your quote so bear with me please while i try to make this as easy to understand!

 

1st part--i don't care if he loves and wants to marry them like he loves and wants to marry me, and i don't think he does. i don't think he is trying to replace me either. i am not confused about why he is looking and what he likes about. what i don't like is that he lied to me about what he does and does not do and tried to act like it was no big deal. acting like that made a bigger deal to me.

 

he also can't turn around and tell me i can't get annoyed. i already was annoyed. which is why this is happening. maybe annoyed isn't the word, but you know what i mean.

 

 

2nd part--darlin', aren't you darlin', i do think i do like this approach. people keep telling me that even if you take your own video off the net, other people have shared it and it's everywhere. that is kind of unappealing, though i really don't worry that much about it. i don't like the powerlessness of it though.

 

bold part--and no woman wants her man looking at thousands of other women, yet we are told to accept it because that is what is going to happen whether we like or not.

 

thanks for taking time out to reply to me.

[Walk]

I was just reading your thread for the first time, and darlin' coco's idea is brilliant. Its so devious... I love it.

 

I always had a problem convincing my ex that it bothered me when he would spend all day looking up porn, or say other women were hot. To me, you just don't tell your SO that you would "do her" in an instant if you had the chance. Even if its a women on the tv screen.

 

I never had a problem with him looking at porn, or sharing that desire with me. But when he lied about it, or negated my feelings, then it bothered me. And no amount of talk helped. I feel like I can relate to how your finance's actions are making you feel. Its not a good feeling. It made me feel like my feelings didn't matter. Like he didn't care about me, and that I was secondary to things he wanted, or way he felt about it.

 

I have some suggestions for after you deal with your current situation. Depending on the outcome.... You can take 'em or leave 'em , but I do a few things different in my current relationship that seem to prevent problems.

 

A.) I found out what things my bf looks at (porn wise). Tried to figure out what about it drew him to it. Maybe the fact that she's stripping. Or its a certain position, a style, a different hole, she's submissive, she's dominant, etc. Then I reenacted the concept for my bf. I try to tailor my actions to fit his desire.

 

From my experience, the men I've known are not really interested in just seeing a body, it's the act. The fantasy, or illusion, of having that... A strip tease is about seduction, about tantalizing the senses. Understand the philosophy behind why its appealing to your man, and you can recreate that for him. Fulfill that, and you've replaced the girl in the video with yourself.

 

B.) I also try to keep sex in relation to "me" in his mind. I make comments about my body parts. He's a breast man.. so I draw his attention to my breasts a lot. With stupid things, like.. "How do you like this new bra on me?" Or "Geez, my nipples are so tender today." etc. I keep attracting his attention to MY body. And keep ME on his mind in reference to sex.

 

C.) Last, I try to always ask what his desires are. Often, because they change. While we're sitting on the couch talking about our days, or about life in general. I don't reserve this just for the bedroom, or only when we're about to have sex. Its just another way for me to remind him that I want to be the one to fulfill his desires. Not the women on the screen.

 

I think the most important thing you have to think about though is if you want to do this for him. Is he worth the effort? Do you feel he does enough for you that you would want to do this for him?

 

Like I said.. you can take the suggestion, or leave it.. My bf doesn't view porn anymore. He had a collection of porn for about a year after I met him. Then one day it was all gone. I live with him and know every inch of this place, and haven't found any porn since. There isn't any on his computer either... I've checked. The one time he made some comments to a friend about another women, I had stopped doing the above, and we hadn't had sex in a long while... That was the only time he made a comment about another woman's body that I found off color. Rest of the time his single friends are ragging on him for not noticing hot women any more.

 

I just want to reiterate that you aren't his "sex slave", but I feel that in a relationship, our partner should go out of their way to attempt to fulfill the needs we have. Mine are emotional needs, his are more sexual. He goes out of his way to meet my needs, I do the same for him. We get into problems when one or the other isn't meeting those needs. And sometimes both of us slack at the same time, so someone usually has to be the "bigger" person to get things back on track again.

[CrushedOrgans]

thanks, walk. i like what you said, and it's nice to hear from someone who has gone through the same thing. i feel like it's different because there's no actual cheating so maybe i didn't have a right to be upset. but i felt so cheated on. and i didn't like being told that he's sorry, but it's not really that big of a deal. blah.

 

thank you, everyone, really. it makes me feel better to know i have someone else to talk about this to. i have friends and i have family, but once this problem is over and forgotten for me, i don't want people i know being like "remember that time they almost broke up cause he was being a perv?!" i just want to keep it private personally. thanks to you all for letting me do that.

[ridingthebulls]

You can't be serious.

 

Are things like this in your nature?? Maybe that's what made him look to other women in the first place.

 

If not, you are just stooping to his level. And that, in meaning he will no longer put you on a pedestal or respect you. Plus, the attention will no longer be on what "he" did wrong.. he will continually put the blame on you as well.

 

How you can equate this revenge to what he did is beyond me as well. He wasn't sending naked pics of himself, merely looking at what was sent to him on the internet. You want to lower yourself so that he views you just like he views other "whores".. well go ahead, but he might not respect you enough to marry you.

 

What you are considering to do is FAR worse than looking at porn imo. You are putting yourself out there for other men and it will be a constant pissing contest from here on out with who can HURT eachother more. It is childish and will ultimately result in its demise.