Holding on to False Hope...

[SadGreenEyes]

My boyfriend of 2 years has a female friend he has been friends with for 15 years. She is and always has been in love with him. He is not and never has been in love with her, nor remotely interested in having a relationship outside of a friendship with her.

Over their 15 year friendship, they kissed once or twice, both times when he was drunk.

Within the 15 years they have known each other, he dated several other women, usually long term, and was actually engaged to be married once since they have known each other.

This female friend believe's they are meant to be together and will do what ever it takes to make that happen. She has sabotaged his past relationships, and has been trying to sabotage our relationship from the very beginning.

I have spoken to my boyfriend about this, and asked him, why hasent he told her nothing will ever happen?

He said he has told her numerous times that he is not interested and it will never happen, ever. He said one time she was pestering him and he got so fed up he screamed it to her! IT WILL NEVER EVER HAPPEN! What dont you understand? We've been friends for over 13 years...if I was interested, we would have been together already. Dont you get it?

He said she get's pissed off and says, Fine! Now I know where I stand!

Then he says she disappears for a while and then eventually resurfaces to reak havoc.

She was gone for a while, which was nice. She told him that if I moved in with him, she would never speak to him again. I moved in last September.

She resurfaced again and is up to her old tricks. I asked him before to just be honest with me...What are you doing to make her hold onto this false hope? He said, Nothing. I believe him. I know him, and I know exactly how he feels towards her. I know for absolute certain if we were to break up, he wouldnt go running to her. It will be another woman. Another woman for her to destroy.

How can someone hold onto false hope for so long? How come she refuses to believe that they will never be more than friends? How come she will not let go and just move on and leave us alone? Why cant she just come to realize that if you have been at this for 15 years and it hasnt happened yet....do you honestly think it ever will?

I need advice on this one guys....I need to learn how to cope and understand this situation. Deep down, I frigging hate the thought and hate her being around, filling my boyfriends head with bull**** nonsense all the time.

Is there a way for either my boyfriend or myself to get this through to her and make her understand that we are together, we love each other, and go on with her life?

She is persistant he says. She is. Needless to say, although I never met her, she hates my guts because I "got in the way". My boyfriend asked her, Got in the way of what? She said "us finally getting together". HE asked her, What gave you that idea? We're not getting together, its not gonna happen.

Any ideas?

[norajane]

What does your boyfriend do when she starts talking trash about you to him?

I would think that if he distanced himself from her when she did that, that she wouldn't be around very much...

[precious99]

SadGreenEyes you have given me some advice on a related subject - there is a girl that is after my BF as well (not even an ex just some girl he slept with a few years age and who is now engaged to his best friend - and she is still after him!!) Anyways, I have been very open with my BF about my feelings and expectations. He knows exactly what my thoughts are on the subject and respects me and our relationship enough to steer clear of her in any situation possible. Of course it's not always that easy - they have shared friends so we run into her sometimes - but I have never questioned his loyalty and commitment to me. If she has the opportunity to "resurface" and "reak havock" on your lives I would have to ask myself - who is letting her in and who gives her the right to do that. She can have no power or influence in your lives without one of you giving her the permission to do so. IMO your boyfriend needs to sever all ties with her - there can be nicities with someone like this. Besides which - why would the person who loves you and who you are in the process of making a life with put up with this **** - you deserve better!!

 

Good Luck!!

[SadGreenEyes]

I only know what my boyfriend tells me. I know a piece of him loves the attention and the drama of 2 women fighting over him, it's an ego thing.

Let's face the facts here shall we? He cries to her because he wants attention. Bottom line. Ohhh, she is torturing me, boo hoo hoo.

I dont know why, but he does this, he wants people to always feel sorry for him. If these people only knew the other side of this story, forget it.

I know for absolute certain he will never be with her, ever. She is too aggressive, too bitter, too heavy...he has known her for ages, not once was he in to her nor did he ever think of it. All of that, plus she has an STD. That's just VOID, ya know? An incurible one at that.

In her mind, it's her or no one. She tells him she deserves it for being his friend for so long. Hello? In her mind, he is the man of her life. When he and I started dating 2 years ago, he told me that when he told her he had met someone and that "this is the one", she flipped out on him and acted as if he was having an affair on her or something.

This is more like a dilussional fatal attraction. She will stop at thing nor will she listen to him when he tells her it isnt going to happen, ever....she refuses to hear him. She becomes tone deaf. She only hears what she wants to hear, and unless she gets him, she will not stop sabotaging his relationships, until he and his girlfriend eventually break up.

He says he doesnt listen to her and I know he doesnt. He doesnt give two craps about her. I decided my best remedy for my poison - beat her at her own game.

Saturday night I planned a "date night" with my boyfriend. I found the same dress I wore on our first date, my sexy stockings, yes, with the garter, my F me pumps, going to make a nice dinner, a bottle of wine, some mellow songs in the backrground, and us, alone. Unplug the telephone, PC's off, cells' off. That's it. And ladies, I am going to make this man remember exactly what brought us together in the first place and I am going to rock his WORLD! I am going to make this relationship stronger, more sexually active, more secure.......excuse me missy, you dont stand a chance in hell!!!!!

Now, as I blush - can I get some ideas on how to seduce him afterwords...my approach?

Thanks SGE

[Guest]

I know that they have been friends for a long time but from the way it sounds, he should end the friendship. If she is just hurting him by sabotoging relationships then she isn't a real friend that wants him happy. He should see that. If he doesn't then I don't know what to tell you. But it just seems like she is a psycho and needs therapy. She is just harrassing you guys and will continue to do so. So unless the friendship tie is cut, good luck hun.