Guest Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Hi, my husband and I have been married for almost 12 years. We have twin daughters who are 9 years old. When I first got pregant with them, I was very sick and ended up staying out of work. My husband didn't have a problem with it and enjoyed the fact I was able to stay home and get much needed rest etc. He also enjoyed the fact I was home after the girls were born. So for 9 years now I have been out of work. The girls are in school now and have been for awhile. I feel like I lost a part of myself staying home all the time espceailly since they are now in school. I go the cooking/cleaning/errands etc. But I feel as if thats all my life has turned out to be. I'm wanting to go back to work. So I mnetioned this to my husband a few days ago, and his response is he rather me be home. I understand he likes me being home etc, but I don't really get a chance to socailize or anything much either. He makes decent money, not bunches but decent. We have bills on top of bills from things he gets that he wants not what we really need. He complains about money but then tells me to stay home when I'm offering to help him out fincinally which doesn't make sense to me. I understand he likes me being home, but I also wonder if part of it is the fact he wants to kind of keep me finacally dependent on him. We have argued before about money and me working and I made the comment out of anger, you better be glad I don't have a job. I was insenuating the fact that if I did at that point in our lives I would have probably left becasue things weren't great. I'm not looking to get a job to leave him, I'm wanting a job because to gain some kind of independence and so we wont always feel we have to struggle to make ends meet. I think maybe the comment I made to him, triggred something for him, thinking maybe if I ever did get a job I would leave him. Thats not the case, but I do think he wants me dependent upon him for money. Has anyone else been in a situation like this before? I really would like to get back into the work force. Not sure I can convince him otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Maybe do a course? Gain some skills that you may be lacking due to not working in the past 9 years. Does your husband know and understand that you need a life OUTSIDE of the house? You can't just be a mom and a wife...You need your own life as well. Why is he paranoid about you leaving him if you end up working again? Where is that coming from? How is the rest of your marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Maybe do a course? Gain some skills that you may be lacking due to not working in the past 9 years. Does your husband know and understand that you need a life OUTSIDE of the house? You can't just be a mom and a wife...You need your own life as well. Why is he paranoid about you leaving him if you end up working again? Where is that coming from? How is the rest of your marriage? Yes he understands I need a life outside the house. He looks at it as when I'm running errands or shopping thats my life outside the house. I don't think he looks at it as me just being a wife/mother, I guess he sees it as I have it good at home becasue I do stay home, not sure though. He seesm me having my own life, as being able to go and come as I please, like if I want to go visit family/friends or go shopping etc. Not sure why he is paranoid about me having a job. I know when I made that comment to him a few years back, I probably shouldn't have but it was out of anger. We were going through a rough time with other kind of issues etc. I'm not looking to get a job to make money to leave him, I have told him this and he says he knows. He says he doesn't know if I could run errands, cook, clean do things for the kids and have a job too, he says some people can't just do it all. I find that hurtful, becasue I feel I can do all that, people do it everyday. I have told him that other friends of ours who stayed home with their kids are now back and working, he says thats fine if its what they want to do. The thing is, its something I want to do. I want to work some even if it were part time. I would think he would happy I want to contribute to the family money wise some. The rest of our marriage seems ok and has been for awhile now. Thats why I thought it would be ok to go back to work. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 How about an online job, where you work from home? Not sure how much they pay but might depend on the type of job it is. That way you could stay home, earn some money and still be there to help with the kids/cook etc. Suggest this to your husband and see what he has to say. Does he just not want you out in the work world? Or is it he doesn't want you to earn money at all, even from home online? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 If you miss the social interaction, volunteer for something you are interested in. That will get you out of the house and meeting nice people, plus you can feel good that you are doing something to help those less fortunate. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Have you reassured him that it's not a step away from the marriage but a step toward finding yourself? You obviously need to have a heart-to-heart with one another where you also apologize for the insinuation in the past. I am concerned about a husband who wants to keep you dependent upon him, if that's what's going on. Ultimatley, you know, this is YOUR life unless YOU let everyone else determine it. Take charge and just do it. He'll adjust. And if he doesn't, you're going to have to be ok living in his nice little cage. But it sounds like it's time for you to spread your wings and fly. Just reassure him he's more likely to keep you if he opens up the cage. Link to post Share on other sites
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