Prettyinblack Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 My ex and I broke up last christmas and then "tried" to work things out beginning in May. We had had a conversation before deciding to get back together and he has asked me how angry I was at him and I just bawled the entire time. I reminded him of how relationships succeed and how they don't and asked him if ours was 'that bad' and sad that I was hurt because I found out he was seeing another woman blah, blah, blah... I hung up the phone and a week later, he calls back, wants to work things out, is sooo sorry and we decide to go to couples counselling (which never happened, by the way) and a quick deterioration begins. I refused to have sex with him because i want him to get an STD test, he doesn't and we don't sleep together.....It turns into a power struggle and now we havne't spoken in 6 weeks... I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOO angry at him!!! I could scream! He was the one who wanted to work things out,,,, the converation we had where I cried the entire time wasn't to make him feel guilty, I was genuinely devestated at his actions and that was a closure converation for me. I felt good and was reading to put the whole thing to bed and a week later, he wnats to work on things, explain why he strayed etc. It bacame apparant that I was, once again, doing all the work in the relationship and I even asked him when he planned on rolling up his sleeves, and doing the repair work that needed to be done. It all fell on deaf ears, of course. i am pissed. I was then and he didn't do what i needed from him in order to not want to scratch his eyes out. I am still seething. I spent Five year with him and I have to sat that although I still love him, I seriously want to cause him some bodily harm! In't that bizarre? Ho do you love someone so much that you would roll a peanut from one end of the city to the other only to flip the coin and want to squeeze their head off their shoulders like a pimple!?????? Any suggestions on how to calm the beast within so I can at least sleep? Link to post Share on other sites
jmars Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 I entirely understand how you feel. Exactly why it is that we can have feelings for someone so completely unworthy of those feelings, well, I don't know. I guess it is because we are genuinely caring people, who, perhaps, undestand the background of the people involved, how they became the way they are, and we... care, sympathize, see them and love/d them for who they are... worts and all. As for how to get over it; well, anger goes along way in highlighting their less than enviable points. Expanding your social circle is a good idea. Leaning on kin and trusted friends. Perhaps focusing on work and/or hobbies. And begining to visualize the future and set goals that don't include the unworthy S.O.B. that has sucked your energy and will for so long. It was actually quite difficult for me to do anything but pine for a reconciliation for the first couple of months. Then, she was caught in a lie, tried blaming my step-daughter for being the liar, and that began to bring numerous situations in our past into a new perspective and light. I was furious. Still am to a degree, though contemptuous might be a better descriptive now. I was a housedad for the past 8 years. I began looking for a job just the other week, and have an interview that I feel really good about later today. They say that the best revenge is success. So get back on the horse, get out there (in whatever capacity), and SUCCEED. Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Prettyinblack Posted July 21, 2006 Author Share Posted July 21, 2006 We travel in the same circles, are both musicians and know the same people. He works in the Music store where I USED to do business......I avoid it now, but plan on playing again soon and where do I go now for repairs and the like? That was where I met him 20 years ago. Now, I avoid it like the plague and the closest one is in Toronto, 40 miles away. I'm sorry.....there are NO real answers to this, I'm just thinking out loud. Forgive me, but all these questions go through my mind. He would love for me to be "friendly" with him, that way he could put me in the category with all his exes....friends. I don't want to be friends because I think that lets him off the hook.....he was a bastard to me and I was so good to him. We had a conversation years ago while on vacation at one of my male friends place....he asked me if I was friends with my exes and I said "no. We are exes for a reason and if they had of been that great, we'd still be together." That has been my experience in most relationships. And I think that a couple can work out anything if they get honest and communicate. I don't know.....guess Im' tired and I'm on a bit of a rant. Thanks so much for listening though. G'nite. Link to post Share on other sites
jmars Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 Hey, a fellow Canuck! I'm over in Victoria, BC. I was more than happy to lend an ear, errr, eye. Take care, and good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Prettyinblack Posted July 22, 2006 Author Share Posted July 22, 2006 Thanks! How's the weather over there?? LOL Link to post Share on other sites
jmars Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 It's damn hot! the last couple of days have crested the 35 C mark, with no signs of letting up for about a week! And then of course, there is the humidity. Ugghhh! Link to post Share on other sites
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