Woggle Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 I need a woman's point of view on this. I know my wedding is a week away but I need to ask this question. I hear of so many women walking out on their husbands and I am scared this will happen to me. Will she start to miss the single life and then want out? Is she only marrying me because she is 41 and she feels like this is her last chance? I really do want to be with her but I don't want to be looking like an idiot a few years from now if she walks out. Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 I need a woman's point of view on this. I know my wedding is a week away but I need to ask this question. I hear of so many women walking out on their husbands and I am scared this will happen to me. Will she start to miss the single life and then want out? Is she only marrying me because she is 41 and she feels like this is her last chance? I really do want to be with her but I don't want to be looking like an idiot a few years from now if she walks out. Woggle, If you treat her right and have open and honest communication. Then she won't walk out. Have you guys ever tried pre-marital counseling? But I would lay off the women bashing thing. Link to post Share on other sites
SarahRose Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 woggle you are the wee bit of an aw! I think one day your wife will do something to taint herself in your eyes because right now you have her up on this pedestal above all other women. Link to post Share on other sites
Buttaflyy Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 I agree with Hotgurl Woggle. You both have to work at a happy marriage. Congratulations! Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 Try not to play the 'what-if' game. It is unhealthy and only causes unneccesary stress. Even though my last relationship ended with my heart getting crushed into the gravel...years later, after the pain has subsided, I am very grateful for the memories, and what I learned from the experience. I wouldn't change it if I could. Life is better left to chance - Garth Brooks. Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 Congrats Woogle! As others have said marriage is something you have to work at. I think its all in what two people truly want. Please don't consentrate so hard on all the "WHAT IF"S" you will drive yourself crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 Oh...and another thing. I was watching a talk show the other day and learned something very valuable. There was a young lady talking about how she won't date because she is too scared to get her heart broken. She was very untrusting and sensitive. She was told that if you are going to be in any relationship...you will get hurt. It's going to happen. The talk show host then asked the audience how many people have been hurt in their present relationship. Everyone raised their hand. Could be simple as forgetting a birthday or anniversary or getting into an argument. Relationships cause pain. Get used to it. Come to find out, the trick to having a happy relationship is to realize that getting feelings hurt is normal but having good coping/communication skills is the key when you DO get hurt. Because the hurt will come. Good luck, Woggle. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 I need a woman's point of view on this. I know my wedding is a week away but I need to ask this question. I hear of so many women walking out on their husbands and I am scared this will happen to me. Will she start to miss the single life and then want out? Is she only marrying me because she is 41 and she feels like this is her last chance? I really do want to be with her but I don't want to be looking like an idiot a few years from now if she walks out. You're freaking out, relax... Look, this is nerves. You know she loves you and isn't going to leave you. IF that time comes and you feel the relationship is having problems and neither of you can fix it, then worry...But, honestly??? I wouldn't worry about something that probably will never happen. LIVE IN THE NOW Woggle! You're about to be married to a woman who you love and loves you! Stop putting your past fears and negative thoughts into your head. Go home tonight and take her out for a romantic dinner. Have fun and don't worry so much! Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 I haven't read thru your post history to see "who" you are, but you of course have reason to worry. Pessimistically speaking, fifty percent of marriages fail, and more if it is the second time around. Many husbands and wives cheat. Many marriages become sexless. The list goes on and on. Now, the reverse is true. Actually, MOST marriages make it if they pass around the two year mark. The majority of spouses do not cheat on each other. And many, many marriages are very satisfied sexually speaking. And THAT list goes on and on. Life is a gamble no matter what you do. Do you realize that more single men die early? Married men are happier more times statistically speaking? Yes, there are risks, but there are so many benefits when both spouses commit to making it work. And the fact of the matter, it has been proven that when only ONE of the spouses stays committed, then the marriage can become successful when it begins to languish. I remember asking my dad shortly before I got married, "What does it feel like to be married? How will I know it is right?" His unscientific and common answer was,"A good marriage will be like an extension of your single life. You will not notice a big difference. You will be yourself and experience the joy of having someone to share it with." I have found this to be true. Marriage is not always great...believe you me, I know. But I have also found out that the rewards of committment are great, too. Even though things are good now, I know that I can become pessimistic and think about the future and what can still go wrong. So, all of us understand. I still wonder why my wife loves me. Sometimes I still wonder when I will find out she has had/is having an affair. Then I see the love in her eyes and realize that life is good. Worrying about tomorrow takes away the joy of today. (OOPS! Sorry this was a man's POV!) Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 You could have an aneurysm tomorrow. You're in, statistically, a dangerous place every time you drive. You can't live your life hiding in a box worrying about all the possible 'what ifs'. I hardly think someone who's 41 will be craving 'the single life' much LOL Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 I really do want to be with her but I don't want to be looking like an idiot a few years from now if she walks out. you'll be the one who walks, not her. I hardly think someone who's 41 will be craving 'the single life' much LOL I'm 41 and I still dig it. But i'm single by choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 You could have an aneurysm tomorrow. You're in, statistically, a dangerous place every time you drive. You can't live your life hiding in a box worrying about all the possible 'what ifs'. I hardly think someone who's 41 will be craving 'the single life' much LOL Yeah, I agree with Outcast. You're just freaking and thinking about what the ex did to you. Relax! I know it's hard. Working on the relationship is what will help it last. Everyone is going to have problems!!! It's just what you do about the problems that matter. Congrats Woggle! Link to post Share on other sites
Colombiana Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 Was there someone in a past relationship of yours that makes you ask that question?( if she is going to miss single life)? I only ask because I am in a wonderful new relationship of 6 months with someone who I hope to spend the rest of my life with and find that at times I get irrational fears of him leaving me or this being some big joke played on me. I believe now that these fears are reflections on my only other "true"love of 7 years and what happened there- unfulfilled promises etc, lack of authenticity, which naturally makes me gunshy and aware of my weaknesses. Also think about your parents and their relationship- did something happen there that makes you question her staying power? Maybe you can relate and remember, as I am trying to train myself to do, that this is a different person, a completely different situation and there is a beautiful bright future to share as long as you 2 continue to communicate openly and lovingly. Also I believe sharing the same goals for your lives together is KEY. I love the advice that James ' father gave...re the marriage being an extension and that you won't notice much of a difference from being single. Beautiful - I wish someone would have told me that back when I met my ex- would have saved me many years- never thought of it that way. Woogle, Best wishes for your future. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 FYI Woggle called off his marriage...no, wait, it is back on....no we are waiting. Woggle is 27, gf is 42. Wog had some bad experiences in the past. Needs to resolve before marriage. That is a synopsis. I have to look at his past posts for more details. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 Woggle, I remember thinking the same thing when I was first married 25 years ago--it's just a matter of time before he leaves me. I spent 14 years pushing him away with my tests and these crazy beliefs leftover from my past. It took me 25 years to finally figure out that he's not going anywhere, that he really does love me just for me. The problem is not him; it's ME having trouble believing anyone would really want me because of what I learned from my childhood. Therapy is helping me come to terms with the underlying bogus beliefs. So get into therapy. You've put this woman through the test wringer time after time, right? And she's still here. She wants you, YOU--for better for worse, for richer for poorer. It's you having a hard time believing deep down in that you're loveable just for you. JamesM is right. Marriage requires work. Like a garden, if you tend it often, it will bloom beautifully and bring you much pleasure. If you let it go after planting it, the weeds will overrun it, and you'll have a mess. The outcome is up to you. LS is not a good indication of real relationships. This is a place where we come to have problems tended to, so, of course, you're going to see a disproportionate amount of craziness here. You're behaving like a PTSD victim to some prior trauma(s) that all the high emotion is telling you you need to tend in yourself. We make our own lives out of the choices we make. I hope you choose to trust. I know that may be difficult because your truster's busted. But it can be fixed. I'm gonna start a new thread on what makes marriage good in the marriage forum--just for you in honor of your upcoming (I think) nuptials. Link to post Share on other sites
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