winnie_05 Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 I like this married man, and i wouldn't have dared do anything about it, but im starting to think he likes me. I just feel confused. When hes around his wife, I see him looking at me when shes turned away. When he was walking past me into another room with no one else around he just looked into my eyes and it seemed like forever, giving me this lovely smile. Things like this are always happening. Just the way he looks at me, i saw him look me up and down the other day. None of this sounds like he likes me, its not the same in writing but these are a few things of what is happening. How do you know if someone likes you when nothing about it is said? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 What difference will it make if he verbalizes how he feels? More than likely he's attracted to you and both of you feel some intensity. Because of that, walk away. He's a married man and not up for grabs. Even if he makes a pass at you, walk away. He wants to have sex with you so don't fool yourself into thinking he's falling inlove with you and is going to leave his wife. I know I'm assuming alot here, but I've read so many posts that start off so innocent and noone has intentions of having an affair. Problem is, once you discuss it and cross that line, it opens the door a crack...And that is dangerous. Link to post Share on other sites
Author winnie_05 Posted July 22, 2006 Author Share Posted July 22, 2006 I dont know, suppose i would like to know if he does just because im fed up of wondering. I wouldnt have the nerve ever to say or do anything about this to him. He's a lot older then me anyway, but hes such a lovely man. He's always on my mind. I know this situtation is very wrong, i would hate it to be the other way round, its just the way he is acting around me is so confusing. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 It's only your ego that wants to know. When you think of the big picture, what does it really matter? Ok, so he tells you he likes you. What then? Do you expect something more from him? If you know this situation is wrong, why are you really interesting in finding out what he is up to? It's confusing you, yet at the same time you're liking it... You're playing a very dangerous game and will end up hurt. He isn't so great if he's doing this behind the back of his wife. And it's not cool that you're letting it happen either...Do you know his wife as well? If you do, then you're adding fuel to the fire by reacting back. (reacting back meaning, looking his way when he is looking at you.) I don't mean to come off as harsh, but the innocent flirting could easily turn into something else. Read afew threads in this section - See what you could be in for if things progress.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author winnie_05 Posted July 22, 2006 Author Share Posted July 22, 2006 Ok, it probably is my ego that wants to know. Like I said i wouldnt dare say or do anything, but i suppose deep down i would like something to happen, i know its very wrong. I also know there wouldn't be a future for me and him even if anything ever did happen, mainly because of the age diffence not that im saying there would be. I know af anyone found out then people would get hurt and that is the last thing I want. Link to post Share on other sites
stoopid_guy Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Sounds like he's interested. Now, will he want to do something about it? What's he interested in; Just a fling? Something long-term? An excuse to leave his wife? Do you want him to do anything about it? Is he "lovely" enough for you to take a chance with all the complications a relationship would bring to both your lives? How much older is he? If you want a long-term relationship, the age difference might really matter. Kids; does he have any? Would you both want more (or not?) Think carefully... Link to post Share on other sites
BUTAFLY Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 stoopid guy, Good advice. Now why can't you do this with your own situation? Link to post Share on other sites
stillhere Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Just like Stoopid Guy, things are always easier said than done, especially if you're in the situation for a while. A long while. As much as you may want to know, don't stick around long enough to find out. It could be disasterous. Believe me, i know! I've been with my MM for a year. A long, painful year. We started out as friends with benefits, now, we are madly in love. But i'm still the ow, and more than likely, always will be just the ow. It's easy for me to give advice and tell people to stay the hell away, especially when nothing has happened yet. I know from personal experience where things will end up. I know all the pain, torment, wondering, and crying. I'm still putting myself through it, because i just can't let him go. I don't want to let him go. I don't want to live like this anymore, but i don't want to have to do it without him in my life. So Winnie, as much as you want to know, please don't pursue this subject with him. It doesn't take long for things to turn quickly, and you will be in the same situation as me. And think of his W. I know i do. In fact, i'm going to be spending a few hours with my MM and his W on Sunday. And it is so hard because she's so sweet, and has no clue. Link to post Share on other sites
stoopid_guy Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 stoopid guy, Good advice. Now why can't you do this with your own situation? "things are always easier said than done" Otherwise, no one would smoke, no one would ever get drunk, STDs would be rare, no one would need credit cards... And this site wouldn't be nearly so active. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 He's always on my mind. He has no business being there. So take him off your mind. Do other things. It's pure selfishness to go after somebody else's spouse. Never mind whether he likes you or not. He probably does. He will like a lot of other women, including were you to snag him. So forget him. It's so sad to watch these cases. You try to warn them they're running top speed into a brick wall but they just insist on running, smash their faces to a bloody pulp, and then end up back here whining about how bad they hurt because they got into a stupid situation. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Ok, it probably is my ego that wants to know. Like I said i wouldnt dare say or do anything, but i suppose deep down i would like something to happen, i know its very wrong. I also know there wouldn't be a future for me and him even if anything ever did happen, mainly because of the age diffence not that im saying there would be. I know af anyone found out then people would get hurt and that is the last thing I want. No, sweets. There wouldn't be a future for you because he won't ever leave his wife, not because of the age difference. Please try to understand and accept that! It's not 'people' that would get hurt; YOU would get hurt. You are already giving this way too much thought. Wouldn't it be better if you were thinking about a guy you could have a future with? Link to post Share on other sites
Author winnie_05 Posted July 24, 2006 Author Share Posted July 24, 2006 I know your all right, but i've had these feelings on and off for two years (mainly on) never done anything though. He's the first thing I think of when i wake in the morning. I've been in a relationship like this before, and yes i was the one who got hurt. I just can't help my feelings for him, im not saying I love him, I just really really care for him, he makes me laugh, i have butterflies in my stomach when he talks to me. The way he looks at me and acts around me when no ones around, and then acts normal when they are, this is what knocks me back down to earth, the fact he is a married man. I know this is wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 You CAN help your feelings for him. If you choose to not let the feelings grow, things will end quickly. The problem is, you're liking HOW he makes you feel...All the looks, the touches...That sexual energy. Start thinking more long term...Short term fun feelings is not worth long term pain. You know this too...As you've been hurt in the past by being involved with someone who is married. (I assume that is what you meant by being in a relationship like this before...) You said it. "The fact he is a married man..." Keep telling yourself that. Make him OFF LIMITS. If you were married and you saw a younger woman flirting and loving attention from your husband, flirting behind your back - Wouldn't you be pissed off? You know this is wrong, so don't do it. Link to post Share on other sites
stillhere Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 It's the life of secrecy, like you said, that knocks you back down to earth. I have to sneak my MM into my house, grab a quick kiss at work when no one is around. We have our little secret spots where we meet. I've somewhat become accostomed to it, i've been doing it for a year now, but that doesn't mean it's easy. You're thinking with your heart now, not your head. I know that you are going to do what you want anyways. I don't blame you, i do it too, and now my little sis has found her way into a mess like mine. At least i would have hoped that she would have more common sense, after listening to me crying to her for a year!! She's just as stubborn as me. To tell you the truth, if someone would have told me all that would happen in this last year, i would have never believed them, and i would have still ended up in this mess. Like i try to tell myself "all the pleasure is worth all the pain". Sometimes it's true, but when he's not here, it's torture. I spent a few hours with my MM tonight..........he didn't want to leave, and i didn't want him to leave. I wanted him to stay with me all night, and for the rest of my life. *sigh* Girl, don't get yourself into this mess. If you could only see my heart breaking right now. You would understand that the little you get from him just isn't worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 It is not just that he is a married man...it is his motives and future prospects. As a married man...when we are unhappy in our marriage...please don't take offense at this comment...any cute woman who gives us a second glance is incredibly attractive, sexy and worth flirting with. This does not mean that we want an affair. We may be curious about sex, we even want it to happen, but if we acted on it, rarely do we want more than that. And if we did, then you should run from us as fast as possible, because (as another poster here found out), a relationship built on lies and secrecy that actually makes it past divorce and into another marriage will consist of mistrust of one another. Why? Because if we cheated on our past spouse, we will do it again. This is not a good thing for you...very kindly meant. Link to post Share on other sites
Gabber Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 I have been and still am in the same position as you. I have a MM that I just think the world of and have been friends with for 3 years now and all of the things you are getting, so do I and I have been confused for....well....3 years now. Last year we actually met in private and just talked. Nothing happened other than we talked about affairs. We continued talking but it wasn't nearly as much. I kind of spooked I guess. We would see eachother out and he would follow me for a bit but never anything...then lately I've been seeing him more and talking a little more. No conversation about anything too improper. I still think about him all the time and wonder about him and have actually called him and let it ring and then hung up of course...caller id...he called right back. I will always care about him. He still smiles and watches and purposely crosses my path but I still just am not quite sure of what he was wanting or if he still is. So, I hope you can let it go because it does tend to really eat at you if you let it. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 I like this married man, and i wouldn't have dared do anything about it, but im starting to think he likes me. I just feel confused. When hes around his wife, I see him looking at me when shes turned away. When he was walking past me into another room with no one else around he just looked into my eyes and it seemed like forever, giving me this lovely smile. Things like this are always happening. Just the way he looks at me, i saw him look me up and down the other day. None of this sounds like he likes me, its not the same in writing but these are a few things of what is happening. How do you know if someone likes you when nothing about it is said? he definetly likes you, now what? what do you want? if you want an affair, nothing more, just sex, feeling guilty on his wife, and being ignored when he feels like it, then go for it! if you want love and respect, and maybe a serious relationship, dont bother. these mm, have a way of seeming very much in love, these are early stages, wait til he starts chasing you! wait till he has tears in his eyes when you dont want to know him, wait til he tells you that you are the woman he has waited his life for, yes, its all very convincing, but it usually comes to nothing but pain. read around this forum. look up some stories. if he is around his wife, then he pretty much certainly isnt done with his marriage. turn your curiosity off. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 He has no business being there. So take him off your mind. Do other things. It's pure selfishness to go after somebody else's spouse. Never mind whether he likes you or not. He probably does. He will like a lot of other women, including were you to snag him. So forget him. It's so sad to watch these cases. You try to warn them they're running top speed into a brick wall but they just insist on running, smash their faces to a bloody pulp, and then end up back here whining about how bad they hurt because they got into a stupid situation. they do like to get on their high horses, dont they. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 It's not helpful to be defensive. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 It is not just that he is a married man...it is his motives and future prospects. As a married man...when we are unhappy in our marriage...please don't take offense at this comment...any cute woman who gives us a second glance is incredibly attractive, sexy and worth flirting with. This does not mean that we want an affair. We may be curious about sex, we even want it to happen, but if we acted on it, rarely do we want more than that. And if we did, then you should run from us as fast as possible, because (as another poster here found out), a relationship built on lies and secrecy that actually makes it past divorce and into another marriage will consist of mistrust of one another. Why? Because if we cheated on our past spouse, we will do it again. This is not a good thing for you...very kindly meant. Why? Because if we cheated on our past spouse, we will do it again. PERFECT WORDS!! This guy is RIGHT! I am a Woman but I believe this and have to keep thinking this way to keep up with my NO CONTACT! Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 It's not helpful to be defensive. i am not being defensive, i found it funny the way you used "they" "them". Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 i found it funny the way you used "they" "them". Meaning people who go for married guys. I don't. Could have, of course - everyone's offered opportunities. Some quite good guys. But they're MARRIED. So I don't let myself dream about them, gaze at them, think about them, and I stay away. And any interest goes away because you need to feed an attraction to make it grow and people do that by 'always thinking about' the people they're attracted to. If you refuse to 'always think about' someone, refuse to ponder on his better qualities, refuse to gaze on his handsome visage, eventually he's back to being just another guy. And you dodge a bullet. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 Meaning people who go for married guys. I don't. Could have, of course - everyone's offered opportunities. Some quite good guys. But they're MARRIED. So I don't let myself dream about them, gaze at them, think about them, and I stay away. And any interest goes away because you need to feed an attraction to make it grow and people do that by 'always thinking about' the people they're attracted to. If you refuse to 'always think about' someone, refuse to ponder on his better qualities, refuse to gaze on his handsome visage, eventually he's back to being just another guy. And you dodge a bullet. lol, okay. i dont think it is a case of willpower vs no willpower, but ok. Link to post Share on other sites
Author winnie_05 Posted July 26, 2006 Author Share Posted July 26, 2006 I've been around him all day today, i just want him so much. Whenever I looked at him or he was talking to me my stomach was just spinning, (you know the feeling you always get in your stomach when you really like someone). I could hardly eat. On Saturday i'll be with him all day at a wedding, and obviously his wife and other people, its so hard. They wanted me to try my wedding outfit on, i had two i wasn't sure about, one of the outfits is where you can see quite a bit of cleavage, he made a point of saying how much he liked and prefered that one on me. Sometimes I wonder whether he does like me or whether hes fond of me? If I could switch my feelings off I would like a shot. All this is killing me, i cant stop thinking about him. I didnt sleep at all last night because he was on my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 it sounds as though he is always with his wife. it sounds as though their marriage is ok. for this reason, even if he likes you, you can only conclude that he wants you for one thing only. how does it make you feel, thinking he wants you for just sex? is this what you want? please think about these questions i am asking you. you have not answered me yet. Link to post Share on other sites
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