Problem w/my husbands family.

[montana]

I Have been married for about 4 yrs when me and my husband were dating everyone in his family were good to me and friendly although i always had this wierd feeling toward his mother and his sister i felt they were kind of two faced they were always talking really bad things about his exgirlfriend in front of me which i found strange being that they have a child together. everything was really good until we got married then they changed and his mother especially goes out of her way to hurt me by either saying things indirectly or talking about me behind my back with other people who of course tell me. After a while I also find out that they now get along with hte ex girlfriend and actually keeps in contact with her. we have a child together and they don't treat her like she is familiy. the sister has only seen my baby 2 times once when she was born and at her ist birthday party. I told my husband how I felt about everything and he does not defend me but in turn goes and tells his family how I feel about their behavior so now noone in his whole family talks to me nor bother to have a realtionship with our child. He has a relationship with them of course but they keep in contact only at his job or on his cell he goes alone to see them and never addresses the problem when i tell him this is all wrong he stays quiet. I mean this is his child also shouldn't he feel something? what do you think?

[ridingthebulls]

Seems like some people always need someone or something to "bitch" about. Some in-laws are never satisfied.

[amaysngrace]

Maybe it's the way that family is. Maybe they have grown together with tension and turmoil being a part of their everyday life. So they are use to it. In fact, thrive on it. Some families are dysfunctional. This sounds like one of them.

 

It's probably best if you don't try to voice your disapproval to your husband about his family. Unless you are intentionally trying to strike a nerve. He is probably use to defending his family and their ways. And they may always come first before you.

 

I would view the lack of a relationship with your child as "their loss". If these people are self-absorbed and mean-spirited, it's best your child has minimum exposure to them, don't ya think?

[girly456]

I totally get it. I put a thread on here called I'm having problems with my future Mother-in-law. Please look at it and give me a reply.

The only thing I can say is does he defend you to them or has he asked them to stop talking about u? If not he needs to. I know when my guy and I got together he worned me about how my MIL talks **** about everyone. Yes it hurts when u find out about it but remember u may be better off with u'r little one not having contact if they r so negitive. The less drama the better i say. u'r hubby needs to defend u so you know u feel safe and sucur in you're relationship Or its going to create problem for the two of u.

[Guest]

I need some advice please.

I have been dating the same man for 7 years. Christmas 2004 we got engaged. His mother was overly nice, in fact, introduced us years ago because we worked at the same job. My relationship with my boyfriend was wonderful. He was loving and caring. You couldn't ask for more.

 

I moved in with him after dating him 4 years, our engagement was year #5. After I moved in with him, I started to notice a change in his mother. She would call our house and tell me what to make him to eat and when she stopped over would tell me it was time to water my plants, fix my flowerbed and everything else that wasn't her business. My boyfriend would only ask her if she said stuff because she wouldn't say her snotty comments in front of him. In response she would just lie and say she didn't say anything. The closer I got to him, the more bold she got with her comments. His response was "defend yourself". So, when she started in again, I said to her "please don't talk to me like that".

 

In response she swore at me and told me she would talk to me any way she wanted. His father acts like he is a real family man and supports us but in turn backs up the vicious mother. After our engagement, she went to the extreme of setting another girl for my boyfriend and the girl called our house. She even went to the extreme of giving my boyfriend an ultimatume if he got married then they were "washing their hands of me". This broke our engagement. My wedding is cancelled because of them. He seems to side with me a tiny bit, but then after they call and talk to him, he says this is happening to him with his relationship with his family (they don't see much of him anymore except for holidays) because of me.

 

He yells at me and when I ask him why he would want to be around people that have gone to such extremes to hurt us and our relatioship, he says he wants to just move away and leave (without me). His parents have had the nerve to call my parents and his mother plays this innocent ploy that she hasn't done a thing and can't understand why we aren't getting married. My boyfriend never ONCE said to me, forget what they have done and I want to marry you. He just keep thriving on the fact that he is loosing his relationship with his parents.

 

I feel I am completely loosing him and his family just plays the guilt trip on him. He mother has done this to other girls to both him and his brother in the past. She doesn't want them to have anyone and they can't see through her. Or they do and just won't stand up to her. She has controlled her sons and the father for years and if anyone stands up to her then they are no good.

 

HELP ME, I NEED ADVICE AND DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

[amaysngrace]

HELP ME, I NEED ADVICE AND DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

 

You should see the movie 'Monster-in-Law' with JLo. This must be a common problem with men's mothers. Ever notice if your guy has a sister, her babies rate and yours are nothing in comparison? I know one thing: when I'm a grandma, I'm going to treat ALL my grandchildren equally-with love!