Author sibernox Posted August 2, 2006 Author Share Posted August 2, 2006 I understand, but I assure you, I really really like her, and I'm certain that if it eventually does happen, I'll be in it for the long haul, and not for a short period of time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sibernox Posted September 17, 2006 Author Share Posted September 17, 2006 Well, I thought I'd give you guys an update kinda. School's started, and everytime I've been on MSN she's messaged me first, and the other day we were talking and she offered to share her locker with me since I don't have one. We've been talking a bit more lately. Last week, I bumped into her at college (our school's huge so you rarely bump into people you know) next to our locker that we've been sharing, and I was shocked. She looked...beautiful. It was the first time I'd seen her for 2 months or so, and you don't know how much I wanted to hug her, to hold her, it's such a terrible feeling having someone you want so much right in front of you and not being able to do anything about it, it's horrible. Just two days ago, I was out with my friends and she sent me a message on my cell telling me to call her when I got it, I did and I told her I was out with friends, so she said I could call her when I got back home. I did, we talked for an hour or so and then I was like "well i gota go walk my dog soon" she's like "me too" and then I was like "Well maybe I'll walk that way...maybe I'll see you" and she said "That's a possibility" and I reply by saying "well if we arrange a meeting it won't be a possibility, it'll be a certainty" and then she just said "Meet me outside my house in 10 minutes". I did, we walked and talked a bit for like 30 mins or so then I walked her back to her house, but this time I made sure to keep my distance, I don't know whether I should have tried to kiss her or no, I really don't know. I don't know what she's thinking, I don't know what she wants, I don't know what to do... Link to post Share on other sites
Max Overclock Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 You don't know how much I wanted to hug her, to hold her, it's such a terrible feeling having someone you want so much right in front of you and not being able to do anything about it, it's horrible. OOOOhhh I SO DO know how you feel. That's exactly why I know that just being friends is not gonna cut it for you in this kind of situation. I walked her back to her house, but this time I made sure to keep my distance, I don't know whether I should have tried to kiss her or no, I really don't know. No big deal. You're helping build anticipation. Next time you have her close, make your move. Unless she wants you as a friend. If so, drop her like a hot potato and move on to the next lucky girl. I don't know what she's thinking, I don't know what she wants, I don't know what to do... But you do know what YOU want, right? If so, then proceed as per above. Don't ... and I repeat ... DON'T chicken out. Max Link to post Share on other sites
Author sibernox Posted September 17, 2006 Author Share Posted September 17, 2006 Ugh man....It's gona be really hard. What sucks is that there aren't many opportunities, and when one does arise and I make my move, I'm so scared she's gona back off or something...Ugh! But like, if she didn't at least have the slightest interest in me, she wouldn't be calling me or messaging me or accepting to meet me, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Max Overclock Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 Nox Man ... Please forgive my last post. I had forgotten the situation you're in. Please don't take this personally. I'm merely trying to help here ... I think she sent you the clear message long ago that you're just a friend to her. This walking the dog stuff, meeting, IM'ing, and talking to her family is great friendship CRAP, but ... you don't want her as a friend, correct? You want to eventually be WITH her ... and I DON'T mean as a friend. Unless I've completely misread, merely a close friendship is NOT what you want from this girl! Either do the kiss (which, on reflection, I think can only turn out very badly for you), or just plain get out of her life (likely the best option). Get a new girl. Leave her 100% alone. Take her off your contacts list. If you want something to tell her, tell her that you can't just be a friend to her any longer because you find yourself wanting her on a much bigger level than just friendship, and that if friends is all she's into, you've gotta hit the road. No woman is worth your own self respect, man. No woman is worth your own sense of value. Oh, by the way, you said ... But like, if she didn't at least have the slightest interest in me, she wouldn't be calling me or messaging me or accepting to meet me, right? WRONG! Having a man's emotion and attention can almost be like cocaine for a woman... even if she isn't actually ATTRACTED to him. As one author writes, "A woman will often allow a guy that is IN LOVE with her to pour his heart out, confess his feelings, and demonstrate his devotion... even though she has ZERO INTENTION of feeling the same way herself." And that's the right answer. Move on. You either are a BOYFRIEND or you're just a Guy friend. Max Link to post Share on other sites
Author sibernox Posted September 17, 2006 Author Share Posted September 17, 2006 Crap...I started feeling a bit optimistic after reading your first post but now I don't know...I'll be fine though. So like, you don't think this has a chance? I wish it was that easy to get her out of my life, but we go to the same school, she lives literally a 2 minute walk from my house, and we share a locker at school. I really want it to work with this girl, that's all I want right now, if she could just change her mind, that's the only thing I want right now. Sometimes I get the feeling she likes me, I find it hard to believe that she's doing all this just to feel liked, just 'cause she likes the attention...that's just cruel. People's feelings are not toys! Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 Nox Man ... Please forgive my last post. I had forgotten the situation you're in. Please don't take this personally. I'm merely trying to help here ... I think she sent you the clear message long ago that you're just a friend to her. This walking the dog stuff, meeting, IM'ing, and talking to her family is great friendship CRAP, but ... you don't want her as a friend, correct? You want to eventually be WITH her ... and I DON'T mean as a friend. Unless I've completely misread, merely a close friendship is NOT what you want from this girl! Either do the kiss (which, on reflection, I think can only turn out very badly for you), or just plain get out of her life (likely the best option). Get a new girl. Leave her 100% alone. Take her off your contacts list. If you want something to tell her, tell her that you can't just be a friend to her any longer because you find yourself wanting her on a much bigger level than just friendship, and that if friends is all she's into, you've gotta hit the road. No woman is worth your own self respect, man. No woman is worth your own sense of value. Oh, by the way, you said ... WRONG! Having a man's emotion and attention can almost be like cocaine for a woman... even if she isn't actually ATTRACTED to him. As one author writes, "A woman will often allow a guy that is IN LOVE with her to pour his heart out, confess his feelings, and demonstrate his devotion... even though she has ZERO INTENTION of feeling the same way herself." And that's the right answer. Move on. You either are a BOYFRIEND or you're just a Guy friend. Max Beautiful Advice ! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 WRONG! Having a man's emotion and attention can almost be like cocaine for a woman... even if she isn't actually ATTRACTED to him. In this guy's case what if that girl keeps asking him regularly to meet for a coffee or take a walk or for a movie..... and he accepts it. Would it still mean that she is enjoying his attention? just because he accepts her requests? Link to post Share on other sites
Max Overclock Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 So like, you don't think this has a chance? No, although I'd sincerely like to be able to be more optiimistic for ya man, I don't think it has a chance in hell. I have a good feeling she's almost seeing you as a girl friend that she can cuddle with, talk to, share feelings with and ... yadda, yadda, yadda. But she's not lookin' to be with you in a sexual/romantic way. You aren't gettin' past the dugout with this chick, let alone first base. I wish it was that easy to get her out of my life, but we go to the same school, she lives literally a 2 minute walk from my house, and we share a locker at school. I really want it to work with this girl, that's all I want right now, if she could just change her mind, that's the only thing I want right now. Oh, you CAN get her out of your life. You've just invested too much emotional energy into this girl, hoping against hope that she'd change her mind about you, and offer her love to you ... and you're still doing it. This story started 2-3 MONTHS ago, right? She still isn't yours, is she? She will most likely NEVER be. I'm sorry if I seem hurtful to you sibernox, but I'm just trying to help yet another warm hearted dude see what I so completely failed to see myself when I got caught in a similar situation with a chick a few years ago. I spent farrrr too much time "bellyaching" over a woman who saw me as a guy friend only. I thought, felt and did the same type of crap, man. What a fool I was! Actually, I've recently been witness to another really nice guy like yourself doing the same darn type o' thing with a girl friend of his (notice how I spelled "girl friend"). Guess what, nox? The results were the same for him, too. Look, I'd say 99 out of 100 times in situations like this, that is what happens. I (and many other guys) have BEEN where you are now, and I know how it feels to be totally into a girl and have her attention 100% ... while having 0% of her attraction. I have promised myself to never get caught in a situation like that again. This is simply a matter of making up your mind to cut the strings. Ohhh, it's hard, lemme tell ya. In truth, it'll be heartwrenching for ya. Plus, she may try to get your attention back when she sees things change between you both. In fact, she MAY even protest vehemently ... she may make it a point to let you know that "you've changed." She may ask you if the "friendship meant nothing to you" ... blah, blah, blah. Don't bend. Sometimes I get the feeling she likes me, I find it hard to believe that she's doing all this just to feel liked, just 'cause she likes the attention...that's just cruel. People's feelings are not toys! Wait up a second though, nox. It's very unlikely she's acting out of cruel intentions, or a desire to control/manipulate you. It's not that "thought out" a process for her ... she's merely acting on emotion. Forget trying to find the logic in a relationship (or love) to assess a woman's perspective on those things. See, that's a male's way of thinking. We try and pick a logical pattern from a woman's behaviors ... we attempt to figure out what the process is that is going on inside her mind, based on what she's doing. The problem is that they don't think like we do in situations like these. Your close friendship gets her the emotional feelings that she enjoys as a woman. It's not romantic love she has for you. It's friendship, affection, etc., but it's NOT attraction. In this guy's case what if that girl keeps asking him regularly to meet for a coffee or take a walk or for a movie..... and he accepts it. Would it still mean that she is enjoying his attention? just because he accepts her requests? If she keeps asking him regularly to meet for a coffee or take a walk or for a movie ... and he accepts it, then they'll go for a nice coffee, a walk, or a movie ... but as friends. Oh, she likely loves him. But again, only as a friend. More likely than not, sibernox simply isn't getting sexual with her. Yes, along with the walk or coffee he can get the cuddling, a kiss on the cheek or whatever, the stroking, the talks and instant messages long into the night ... But ... What do you think would happen if they end up alone together on a couch tonight and : He tries to give her a passionate kiss on the mouth? And then, what if he whispers in her ear how much he wants her? You can just guess what I think will happen as soon as he goes for the kiss ... the second question won't even need to get asked. Max Link to post Share on other sites
Author sibernox Posted September 18, 2006 Author Share Posted September 18, 2006 I understand what you're saying, but do you guys think that next time we're alone, should I not ask her where she stands as of now? Maybe she's changed her mind no? I just really want this girl to give me a chance for more than 4 days at least! I'm not good with girls, and I thought I had finally found a nice, cute girl that likes me...I don't know if I'll find someone like that anytime soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 I understand what you're saying, but do you guys think that next time we're alone, should I not ask her where she stands as of now? Maybe she's changed her mind no? I just really want this girl to give me a chance for more than 4 days at least! I'm not good with girls, and I thought I had finally found a nice, cute girl that likes me...I don't know if I'll find someone like that anytime soon. Listen : If its been three months and you havent touched her underneath her clothes or made out for real then you are just a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 I understand what you're saying, but do you guys think that next time we're alone, should I not ask her where she stands as of now? Maybe she's changed her mind no? No! You aren't in a romantic situation with this girl. You just want to be...but the more pressure she feels under to reciprocate your feelings, the less time she's going to want to spend around you. Once a woman is romantically and sexually involved with a guy, the lovey dovey stuff is nice to hear...but when you're getting it from someone you're not involved with, it quickly becomes a pain in the arse. Why? Because nothing's for nothing, and women know that as well as men do. If a guy's showering a women with OTT compliments and treating her like some sort of princess, it's because he's hoping to get something out of it. Straight away, that's pressure on the woman. How will he react if I don't want to give him what he wants? Will I suddenly turn from goddess to bitch? Most probably... This girl probably finds you likeable enough at the moment, but if you keep pestering her with your attentions and your need for the feelings you've developed to be returned then she's going to start feeling under pressure. She might even start wondering if you have stalkerish tendencies. Children form relationships through play. Adults do much the same thing...and when it comes to romantic relationships, flirtation is the play. Turning into some kind of needy, hero/heroine-worshipping participant in the courtship process takes away the necessary sense of play between equals. It stops being fun. That's what you're doing in permitting yourself to develop such strong feelings for this girl who you aren't actually involved with. When a crush stops being fun and starts to hurt, that really should be a sign that nothing's coming of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sibernox Posted September 19, 2006 Author Share Posted September 19, 2006 I'm not sure I understand this right, you're saying I'm not in a romantic situation with her, which is obvious, but you say give it time? That maybe if I lay off, or so to speak, not pressure her, she might change her mind? And, I'm not complimenting her all time, as I said before, I never call her anymore, I never initiate any kind of contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted September 19, 2006 Share Posted September 19, 2006 I'm not sure I understand this right, you're saying I'm not in a romantic situation with her, which is obvious, but you say give it time? That maybe if I lay off, or so to speak, not pressure her, she might change her mind? And, I'm not complimenting her all time, as I said before, I never call her anymore, I never initiate any kind of contact. There telling you she is not interested and no amount of time is going to change her mind. If you can't be just a friend to her then you need to back off and go your separate ways. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sibernox Posted September 19, 2006 Author Share Posted September 19, 2006 Understood, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted September 19, 2006 Share Posted September 19, 2006 A Chick who digs you will want you to kiss her and touch her, she will want you to behave romantically and she will respond back. If you are getting the handshakes and limp hugs and not much else that should tell you she sees you as a buddy. Keep looking.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sibernox Posted October 5, 2006 Author Share Posted October 5, 2006 Um...she likes girls...apparently. We were talking online today and I was asking her about a nickname she had a couple of days ago and she told me she likes a girl...I don't know what the hell she's doing. I'm just about to give up on this. I don't get it...not one bit. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted October 5, 2006 Share Posted October 5, 2006 Um...she likes girls...apparently. We were talking online today and I was asking her about a nickname she had a couple of days ago and she told me she likes a girl...I don't know what the hell she's doing. I'm just about to give up on this. I don't get it...not one bit. Yer *toast* dude... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sibernox Posted October 5, 2006 Author Share Posted October 5, 2006 What'd I do now? Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted October 5, 2006 Share Posted October 5, 2006 What'd I do now? Forget about her.....she likes girls.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sibernox Posted October 5, 2006 Author Share Posted October 5, 2006 I really don't think she does. She might be confused...bi maybe...but not totally lesbian. I don't think so. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 treat her like garbage and she'll be chasing you. I am a woman ans I say yep your right!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Timberlane Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 So fun fixating on the unattainable. Ha ha ha. I spent about three months of that recently. Thank god that crashed and burned. The anticipation was killing me. Get it over with quick I say. Link to post Share on other sites
innocntlisy1981 Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 treat her like garbage and she'll be chasing you. haha i agree Link to post Share on other sites
everlong Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 wow....i am amazed at how many people posted on this thread and how indepth some of you went regarding sibers first posting. too me...it looked pretty cut and dried....he's young, she is too. he likes her, only known her briefly, they kiss, she decides she isn't ready for a relationship - isn't that it? shouldn't siber just listen to what she has said? its not like they have been married for 50 years, and the wife steals his hearing aid and tells hubby 'its over', leaves the old folks home, and hubby wobbles around going 'what? did someone say something?' Link to post Share on other sites
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