Guy is running hot and cold >( Need a strategy...

[Annie]

Hi all,

 

I'm 23, in professional school and I've been spending a lot of time with a guy in my classes(he's 25). He has asked me out several times. We have been out for drinks twice, to lunch and to dinner. He never so much as tried to kiss me after/during any of these "dates". I have known him for about six weeks.

 

Well, Monday of last week he asked if I wanted to get dinner later this week. We spent most of the week hanging out at school together(we have the same schedule), studying together and walking home together. Thursday he asked if I wanted to cook dinner together at my place on Saturday.

 

Friday night both of us went to a dance club with some of our classmates. Everyone was drinking heavily. And I was dancing with the boy. At some point we started getting pretty friendly with one another. He kept saying "you know, i'm very fond of you". And he kept saying I have a fantastic smile(which he has pointed out before). And then I had my arms around his neck and he had his hands on my hips. And I said something like "you smell so good". Open invitation. He kissed me. And it was a long, passionate kiss.

 

That was right at bar time. Some of my friends and I went back to his place for a while. After they left we sat on the couch for a while and talked about music. Then he called a cab for me. When I left I gave him a quick kiss.

 

So Saturday, I spent most of the time recovering from Friday. He didn't call until 6pm, at which time I was at the grocery store buying stuff in preperation for cooking dinner with him. Well, you can guess what he had to say. When I called him back he said he "wasn't feeling well" and he "didn't think he could make it over to cook dinner". He said "Friday was really fun". I told him I hoped he felt better, and that I wouldn't want him to put himself out if he felt bad. He said he might call me later.

 

Of course he didn't call. Today he looked tired and sick and acted very cranky most of the day. We had a two hour break between classes and I mentioned to him where I would be(we often spend breaks together). But he walked off to the library. So I sat apart from my friends by myself, and shortly before class he came up and asked me if he could join me. We then walked to class together and he sat down next to me.

 

So I think he genuinely didn't/doesn't feel well. I have a sneaking suspicion that something else is up, too, though. I don't know if he just regrets kissing me because he doesn't want to start any kind of romantic relationship with me or if things are just moving too fast or what. Today things were quite akward. I don't even know if he remembers kissing me( The only comment he made about Friday was in response to me complaining about the early bar time. He said something to the affect of "yeah, and i was just starting to find my grove" (he kissed me right as they turned the lights on and made the last call).

 

At any rate, the whole things is driving me crazy. I realize that he probably doesn't know what he wants but I still feel compelled to obsess about it constantly. I know worrying about it does no good, except I'm wondering what kind of strategy to use this week. My theory is that I should make myself "mysteriously unavailable" and be really friendly when I have to see him. I don't think games are always a good thing but I think this situation calls for them. I feel like he is running hot and cold. I'm also wondering if I should ask him something like "are we ok from friday" but I don't want to send him running for the hills. Basically, I want to be encouraging but not pushy. I'm worried that he is the type of guy to lose interest if he thinks I'm a "done deal". And I don't mind playing that game, I'm just not sure how to.

 

Anyone have any thoughts? I'm worried this guy might not be worth my time.

[cindylou]

Hi all, I'm 23, in professional school and I've been spending a lot of time with a guy in my classes(he's 25). He has asked me out several times. We have been out for drinks twice, to lunch and to dinner. He never so much as tried to kiss me after/during any of these "dates". I have known him for about six weeks. Well, Monday of last week he asked if I wanted to get dinner later this week. We spent most of the week hanging out at school together(we have the same schedule), studying together and walking home together. Thursday he asked if I wanted to cook dinner together at my place on Saturday.

 

Friday night both of us went to a dance club with some of our classmates. Everyone was drinking heavily. And I was dancing with the boy. At some point we started getting pretty friendly with one another. He kept saying "you know, i'm very fond of you". And he kept saying I have a fantastic smile(which he has pointed out before). And then I had my arms around his neck and he had his hands on my hips. And I said something like "you smell so good". Open invitation. He kissed me. And it was a long, passionate kiss.

 

That was right at bar time. Some of my friends and I went back to his place for a while. After they left we sat on the couch for a while and talked about music. Then he called a cab for me. When I left I gave him a quick kiss. So Saturday, I spent most of the time recovering from Friday. He didn't call until 6pm, at which time I was at the grocery store buying stuff in preperation for cooking dinner with him. Well, you can guess what he had to say. When I called him back he said he "wasn't feeling well" and he "didn't think he could make it over to cook dinner". He said "Friday was really fun". I told him I hoped he felt better, and that I wouldn't want him to put himself out if he felt bad. He said he might call me later.

 

Of course he didn't call. Today he looked tired and sick and acted very cranky most of the day. We had a two hour break between classes and I mentioned to him where I would be(we often spend breaks together). But he walked off to the library. So I sat apart from my friends by myself, and shortly before class he came up and asked me if he could join me. We then walked to class together and he sat down next to me. So I think he genuinely didn't/doesn't feel well. I have a sneaking suspicion that something else is up, too, though. I don't know if he just regrets kissing me because he doesn't want to start any kind of romantic relationship with me or if things are just moving too fast or what. Today things were quite akward. I don't even know if he remembers kissing me( The only comment he made about Friday was in response to me complaining about the early bar time. He said something to the affect of "yeah, and i was just starting to find my grove" (he kissed me right as they turned the lights on and made the last call).

 

At any rate, the whole things is driving me crazy. I realize that he probably doesn't know what he wants but I still feel compelled to obsess about it constantly. I know worrying about it does no good, except I'm wondering what kind of strategy to use this week. My theory is that I should make myself "mysteriously unavailable" and be really friendly when I have to see him. I don't think games are always a good thing but I think this situation calls for them. I feel like he is running hot and cold. I'm also wondering if I should ask him something like "are we ok from friday" but I don't want to send him running for the hills. Basically, I want to be encouraging but not pushy. I'm worried that he is the type of guy to lose interest if he thinks I'm a "done deal". And I don't mind playing that game, I'm just not sure how to. Anyone have any thoughts? I'm worried this guy might not be worth my time.

[Totally Confused]

Hi all, I'm 23, in professional school and I've been spending a lot of time with a guy in my classes(he's 25). He has asked me out several times. We have been out for drinks twice, to lunch and to dinner. He never so much as tried to kiss me after/during any of these "dates". I have known him for about six weeks. Well, Monday of last week he asked if I wanted to get dinner later this week. We spent most of the week hanging out at school together(we have the same schedule), studying together and walking home together. Thursday he asked if I wanted to cook dinner together at my place on Saturday.

 

Friday night both of us went to a dance club with some of our classmates. Everyone was drinking heavily. And I was dancing with the boy. At some point we started getting pretty friendly with one another. He kept saying "you know, i'm very fond of you". And he kept saying I have a fantastic smile(which he has pointed out before). And then I had my arms around his neck and he had his hands on my hips. And I said something like "you smell so good". Open invitation. He kissed me. And it was a long, passionate kiss.

 

That was right at bar time. Some of my friends and I went back to his place for a while. After they left we sat on the couch for a while and talked about music. Then he called a cab for me. When I left I gave him a quick kiss. So Saturday, I spent most of the time recovering from Friday. He didn't call until 6pm, at which time I was at the grocery store buying stuff in preperation for cooking dinner with him. Well, you can guess what he had to say. When I called him back he said he "wasn't feeling well" and he "didn't think he could make it over to cook dinner". He said "Friday was really fun". I told him I hoped he felt better, and that I wouldn't want him to put himself out if he felt bad. He said he might call me later.

 

Of course he didn't call. Today he looked tired and sick and acted very cranky most of the day. We had a two hour break between classes and I mentioned to him where I would be(we often spend breaks together). But he walked off to the library. So I sat apart from my friends by myself, and shortly before class he came up and asked me if he could join me. We then walked to class together and he sat down next to me. So I think he genuinely didn't/doesn't feel well. I have a sneaking suspicion that something else is up, too, though. I don't know if he just regrets kissing me because he doesn't want to start any kind of romantic relationship with me or if things are just moving too fast or what. Today things were quite akward. I don't even know if he remembers kissing me( The only comment he made about Friday was in response to me complaining about the early bar time. He said something to the affect of "yeah, and i was just starting to find my grove" (he kissed me right as they turned the lights on and made the last call).

 

At any rate, the whole things is driving me crazy. I realize that he probably doesn't know what he wants but I still feel compelled to obsess about it constantly. I know worrying about it does no good, except I'm wondering what kind of strategy to use this week. My theory is that I should make myself "mysteriously unavailable" and be really friendly when I have to see him. I don't think games are always a good thing but I think this situation calls for them. I feel like he is running hot and cold. I'm also wondering if I should ask him something like "are we ok from friday" but I don't want to send him running for the hills. Basically, I want to be encouraging but not pushy. I'm worried that he is the type of guy to lose interest if he thinks I'm a "done deal". And I don't mind playing that game, I'm just not sure how to. Anyone have any thoughts? I'm worried this guy might not be worth my time.

sounds like the guy scared himself. I think he is genuinely interested in you, but i don't think he knows in what aspect. i don't think he knows if he wants to stay friends with you or if he wants something more. you don't know who he was involved with before you, you only know what he tells you. you're probably blaming yourself for his lack of interest,when it might just be he's confused. he maybe just broke up with a girl recently and wanted to explore his other options and then realized that maybe he's not sure if breaking up with the original girl was the right thing, maybe he had a girl that broke-up with him and being with you made him realize how much he misses her, maybe he liked you, kissed you and realized he wasn't as interested as he thought or maybe he likes you, kissed you, was scared to get things going, cause then he'd really like you and he'd lose all his freedom. Pick one, it could be any of them. the only problem is thinking over the different senarios isn't going to help you with finding out the reality. obviously the guy like you. he kissed you, got freaked out (for whatever reason) and is now slowly trying to test the waters again. the reason i know he's still interested, because if he wasn't, he wouldn't come near you ever again and he'd avoid you like the plague, thinking that he made a mistake kissing you in the first place. that's how guys and girls work. think about it, if you liked a guy, kissed him and then realized he grossed you out, you'd avoid and ignore him at all costs. So let's just say he's scared of you and leave it a that.

 

anyway, what you should do now is play it cool. don't be mean, it will only make you look like a biatch. be the nice friendly person that attracted him to you in the first place. the guy really didn't do anything wrong, but get scared. he at least had to respect to call you and cancel, which shows he was confused and he doesn like and respect you. most guys would have just blown you off, never to have talked to you ever again. so he kissed you, it's not like he slept with you and pulled this crud. he's probably also confused, because he knows you're a potential girlfriend and not just some floosy, be flattered. anyway, like i said, be nice to him and be his friend. if he should ask you to get together again, then you have to look at him and just say "why?" he'll probably say, "what do you mean?" say, i'm just curious, can we talk as friends for a moment? then ask him, what's he's looking for with you. if he's confused, then take it from there and just talk. you're not going to come on as strong at all. you'd only be coming on strong if you approached him and said, can we talk. allow him to come to you first and then you can confront him in a cool, casual, non-confrontational way. men hate to talk about things and they hate naggy women. that's why you have to wait for them to come to you. that's when they're ready to be human and talk. i guarantee, there won't be anymore mystery, once you've spoken to him. then your brain can get a rest. I hope i've helped. let me know how things go.