john332 Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 My gf is more social than I am and has a lot more friends than I do. Majority of her friends are guys who she regularly hangs out with and talks on the phone with. These friends of hers go to clubs, bars, etc all the time. I am having a hard time dealing with this and get jealous and very overproctective all the time. It's like I don't want her to go to clubs and places without me with her there as well or having conversations with her male friends at like 4am in the morning. Why do I feel this way? It's like its almost impossible for me to be worried free knowing shes out like this with certain people and I don't want to feel this way anymore. I want to care less about the things she do. I'm not a pro in relationships so is it normal for the partners in a relationship to have totally separate lives while just meeting with each other in the middle for own personal time? Is this the norm? Link to post Share on other sites
Javelin Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 John, I can definately relate to your delima. Is this the norm? Of Course it is, you have no idea what she's doing when she's not with you, so you worry and think about the worse possible scenario. Only thing(s) left to do are: a) Keep communication heavy on those nights ! & b) Deal with the facts at hand. I know, but how, you ask!? 1) You could make it a point to go out with your own friends when she's out and about. This usually works, because now she's on the opposite end of the stick. It's not a, "revenge" situaton, but make sure you're actually having a lot of fun without her. 2) Since she has many guy friends, make sure you invite along a few lady friends as well. However, remember to keep it friendly and the flirting down. Just be open minded and have a good time! Honestly, there are so many ways to approach a situation like this. For Example, In my own relationship, my GF and her clique of friends like to go to bars. Nine times out of ten, they'll invite me along and I'll go. I'm not a big bar person, so I sometimes use this to organize my own friends and head out to night clubs and junk. Most likely if a Woman knows their SO is out as well, they tone down and will have YOU on their mind. You'll notice more phone calls, she'll probably go home early, and may even be slightly jealous! Anyway, good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author john332 Posted July 24, 2006 Author Share Posted July 24, 2006 Thanks for the reply. The idea about doing the same thing and letting them decide to tone it down seems like a good idea. But I feel that may just be a temporary solution and doesnt deal with the situation at hand. Clubs and bars aren't exactly the most innocent places for commited people in relationships to be at without their bf/gf. She tells me bits here and there about the things that happened during her outings...such as guys trying to pick her up and trying to dance with her...and a couple times about fights that ensued bc other guys got too close to her and the guys she went with who like her would get angry. She also tells me she gets drunk easily and has trouble walking where her guy friend would have to take care of her. Would it be too much to say to her that I don't want her to go to any of these places without her boyfriend? and that she needs to stop hanging out with these guys on a regular basis since shes in a relationship now? Link to post Share on other sites
john2776 Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 Would it be too much to say to her that I don't want her to go to any of these places without her boyfriend? and that she needs to stop hanging out with these guys on a regular basis since shes in a relationship now? You can't choose her friends. In my opinion she should want to be doing what she is doing so much, but thats just my opinion. I think there are a lot of guys couldn't care less about their GF going clubbing with guys. So you can talk to her and let her know you are uncomfortable with it and see if she wants to cut back. If she doesn't then you can't force her - in which case find yourself another GF. Its not that she is doing anything wrong - but maybe you are not compatable. Link to post Share on other sites
Javelin Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 Sorry for the late reply, was MIA for a week You can't choose her friends. In my opinion she should want to be doing what she is doing so much, but thats just my opinion. I think there are a lot of guys couldn't care less about their GF going clubbing with guys. So you can talk to her and let her know you are uncomfortable with it and see if she wants to cut back. If she doesn't then you can't force her - in which case find yourself another GF. Its not that she is doing anything wrong - but maybe you are not compatable. Anyway, I agree with this. You cannot decide who her friends are, however, you can tell her how you feel about all this. My girlfriend too is very outgoing, social, and she likes to go out and have a good time too, but she always brings me along to the bars with her. I think there was like one or two nights I didnt go because they were, "girl" nights. One of those nights I made plans with a bunch of my guy buddies from work and she ended up coming out with us because her friends canceled! The other night, they went out to dinner and came home after that. Lets see, so from my own relationship; I'd suggest going with her from now on. If she doesnt want you to come, then you know something's up! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 Society makes people think its impossible for a girl to have guy friends without wanting in thier pants. I have alot og guy friends. I do not get along with women most of the time, I like things boys like...Im a gamer with a "you cant offend me attitude" so naturally, Chicks find me offensive, boys find me funny. Have you met any of these guys? Also, here is one thing I do not get. She is YOUR g/f. She is choosing to be in a relationship with YOU. If she wanted one of her frineds she probably would have chose to be with one of them instead of you.....Don't ask a girl to give up her friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Javelin Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 Society makes people think its impossible for a girl to have guy friends without wanting in thier pants. It's not society, it's the situation. Which usually ends up like this: ( and guys are guilty of this too) ) Female in relationship ) Female makes a sleeze-bag guy friend, but is unaware of his intetions for her goods. ) Female invites him out with her and other friends, leaving boyfriend at home. ) Sleeze-bag friend shows female a great night (as a friend) and builds trust ) Female thinks sleeze-bag friend is a good guy and trusts him ) They all go out again ) Sleeze bag friend gets her drunk and offers to drive her home/take her to his house ) Knowing she's drunk, takes advantage of it and her... ) Things happen! This isnt always the scenario, but it's very close! Link to post Share on other sites
john2776 Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 I should keep a copy of this as reference, because it IS a common formula for things to go wrong. It is simply one of the ways that players operate in getting woman. I know a lot of guys who understand the principal, but zero girls. Why is that? Link to post Share on other sites
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