rob11749 Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 Hi all I have been to a couple of threads and read a few posts that people have put on here about this subject. Very interesting indeed but I want to make something clear before I breach this subject. I help out with the cleaning, work very long hours as a detective and have always been involved with my kids activities. I do not think I have not done my share in this marriage. We have been married for about 20 years now and the problem is for some reason my sex drive has reached new heights. I am 44 and my drive is just way off the charts. For the past 3-5 years my wifes idea of making love is a date night once a week after the boys ages 11, 17 are in bed asleep. The problem with that is sometimes this does not occur until well after 1AM. Due to my tedious work schedule I might get called in the middle of the night or early the next morning for a homicide call etc.... I will admit how I dealt with this in the past was using online porn. I have stopped that months ago and have no desire to do that again. I am thinking marriage couseling or maybe there is some medication she can take that will boost her sex drive. Something her doc can prescribe, I have heard that there are some prescription medications out there that docs will prescribe. I would also like to spice things up in the bedroom but she is totally against it. I am a very good looking man and get tempted every day by women that want me to go out with them etc... Before any one starts bashing cops I have not cheated and don't plan on it. I have been to a vitamin store and she has agreed to take some supplements that are suppose to boost a womans libido. Any suggestions would be helpful. I love my wife and do not want to leave her but I am afraid that this could happen if this problem persists. Thanks for reading, and your time, Rob:) Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 Wow that's a tough one. You poor guy. You might try leaving sexy notes in her purse or other places where only she will find them. That always works for me. I once put my panties in my husbands suit pocket that he found at work. That turned him on. Women like foreplay before they get in bed. Try telling her throughout the day (with phone calls or text if you don't see her) about how you've been thinking about how beautiful she is and you want her. If you talk to her on the phone say "God, you sound so sexy". Say the things you would say to her if you just met her and were trying to seduce her. That always works for me. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 Start romancing your wife. Make HER feel beautiful and sexy... Leave little I love you notes for her before you leave for work. Come home with flowers. Make plans to send your kids to a family's house for a weekend and you two go away together (hopefully you can get afew days off and not be on call), or spend a night in a hotel. Have a day at the Spa, get massages and sit in a hottub. All these things will help in the bedroom... Definately do alot of foreplay, I agree with stillafool! The more you make her squirm the more action you'll get later! Hope this helps! Link to post Share on other sites
SmokieWoman Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 Hi Rob, I can totally relate to how you feel. I am in the exact same position only *he's* the one with the low sex drive. Guilty but happy to be attractive to other people because I don't feel wanted at home. We have been been addressing this issue together by reading 'The Sex Starved Marriage' by Michele Weiner Davis (from public library). It has been a huge support for HIM. Yup-him. He nolonger feels odd about his low sex drive and now understands that I felt/feel rejected when he brushes me off. He has also become more amenable to working on increasing it. Don't get me wrong....he's not joyfully running out and searching for things to increase his libido but...he does understand that I have now become attracted to other men because of the lack of attention and that to save our marriage something has to change. Your wife might be having physical changes from menopause like I am. As a result of husbands comments I have accepted and now addressed them ..ie: vaginal dryness. After a whole pile of money I've settled on a combination of 'Replens' (absolutely great stuff), 'Astroglide', 'Estroven', and a change in my diet to include soy, chick peas, lentils, more fruit/veggies, etc...to help regulate hormones. I'm not a health food product type person so this is new territory for me. Apparently Isoflavin type stuff helps women regulate their hormones. After reading the book he too has also begun taking a mens multivitamin which helps libido and I must admit taking these vitamins is tangible evidence that he is willing to do something. We were'nt big fruit eaters before so I also purchased a Magic Bullet and have been making easy no guilt fruit drinks from their receipe book. Neither one of us have a lot of extra weight but I figure it will help us both with our hormones. Goodness I sound like an infomercial...sorry about that....I'm just so happy about the way my relationship and body changes with these new additions that I figured I'd share them. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 Let's see...you work long hours, you are good with the kids, when you are home you help around the house. Questions...do you take time to sit down and listen to your wife? Defintely not critical of you. I totally understand where you are coming from. Read my first thread...same problem as yours. My wife lost libido and ANY interest in sex or kissing. Long story short...a change in thyroid medicine brought her libido back after we...or rather I ...suffered for about four years of little or no sex. I am not saying your wife has a thyroid problem, but I need to mention it. If you read my thread and the comments that follow, you will see that she could have lost her libido from so many different things. Fortunately, we found the answer. Please provide as much info about how your marriage has gone from the beginning. Is this your first...her first marriage? Has either of your cheated, had health problems, depression, on any medicines, children have any problems? Does the wife ever complain of feeling stressed or that she carries the burden around the house? Does she ever mention that she worries about you being gone and on the job? When you mention your hours, how many in a week do you work? Do you expect after each date night that sex is in order? How many times a week do you want sex? And how many does she want it? Does she participate during sex or does she do it for you? Have the kids ever walked in on you? Any additional stresses in life...illnesses in family, etc.? Does she get away from the house more than twice a week? Can she leave when she wants to leave? Is she bound to the house while you are on duty? I learned that it can be surprising what actually may be at the root of the problem. And please do not get defensive at some of the comments given. Your goal is to get solutions from other people's experiences. Even still, some people will give answers based on their experiences but they do not apply to you. Good luck...this Board can truly be a great help. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 Try googling the words, "Why Women Leave Men, Marriagebuilders" and read the article you find there. I'm not suggesting by any stretch of the imagination that your marriage is on the brink, btw. But it's a good article because it helps a guy understand what make a woman feel emotional close to her mate. Emotional intimacy will help you to attain more physical intimacy. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts