Guest Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 Hello, I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years and lately we've been talking about marriage. For some weird reason I asked her if she ever went out with another guy while she was with me and her responds was yes. She told me that a year ago she went out with a guy and they made out. When I first met her I noticed that she was flirtatious and it bothered me to know that daily guys would try to hit on her. I know its normal and I'm over that but the thing that I can't get over is her cheating on me and waiting a year to let me know. Now the problem is that she came clean by telling me this but I can't help to think if this happened only once. I just need some advice if I should end this relationship cause I can't seem to get over this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
megnog Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 hmm.. did she say this was the only time she has ever cheated? have you ever asked her that question before? even if you haven't, she shouldn't have waited until you asked her to tell you that she has cheated. although it was wrong of her to cheat, luckily it was just making out and she came clean (after a year...) if you can trust her again then there is no reason you two shouldn't be able to work through your problems but if this really put a big dent in your relationship and you don't think you can trust her or you don't trust her completely as of her cheating then its not worth it IMO Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 You can't get over it because, well, you shouldn't "get over it" -- the girl you thought you had is not the reality, and your struggle is your hopeful side clinging to the earlier perception as against your rational side understanding what happened. You say you are not sure you think this is the only time -- you may be right. Moreover, I would strongly doubt that all they did was make out, and even if they did, are you going to take a cheater's word about her own chastity...? Also remember, that just because she cheated on you and hid it and may be spinning the truth now (very likely) doesn't mean you need to think she is a horrible person, slut, etc. -- she can just be a person with faults, like everyone else. But you should still dump her, forthwith. If you let this go, she will think you are weak -- she may not know it, but she will know that she can put one over, let it age a little, confess when its in the past, and get away with it. Link to post Share on other sites
john2776 Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 Unfortunately for you it is a deal breaker. I doubt you will ever be able to trust her again (and why should you). And as already pointed out, if you accept the past it validates her behaviour and she may well feel as thought as she can get away with it again sometime. If she confessed at the time and you managed to talk it out about why it happened then it could be a different story, but it really bothers me that she didn't tell you until now. She probably tells you she just made out because she doesn't feel you need to know the whole detail. As she is a flirtatious type, I just can't picture you ever being comfortable with her anymore. At least you thought you had 3 good years. Move on and find someone faithful. Link to post Share on other sites
mutton Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 Hi, I have a friend who sounds just like the girl you described. If that's the situation, the only thing that I can tell you is for you to be careful. My friend's boyfriend of four years has only found out about her cheating on him once in their relationship ie. making out and flirting with another guy. What he doesn't know is that she has done this many many many times. My friend is a flirtatious type of girl and you can tell she enjoys the attention she gets. What she enjoys even more are the cute guys that she can't hold herself from making out with (nothing beyond). And these are usually her close guy friends too. This is only one example but if she cheated on you before and hasn't bothered to tell you until a year later, chances are that it wasn't the only time that another boy took her fancy. So if your girlfriend is anything like this, please get out as soon as possible. Otherwise, you might end up regretting it. P.S. To this day, her poor now ex-boyfriend (who was dumped) still only thinks that she cheated on him once. And she found time to makeout with the occasional "cute" guy even though she used to meet with her boyfriend every day. Link to post Share on other sites
kbah Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 I disagree with most of what has been said on part of people's rash judgement. You are the ONLY person here that actually knows THIS girl. Yes, she screwed up and did not tell you. That sucks. Could she do this again in the future? Maybe Maybe not. Trust your gut. Just bc she screwed up a while ago doesnt mean she can't be a changed person. People can change a lot in a year's time. You obviously have invested in her for a reason, don't just throw it away based on a rash judgement. But if you trust that maybe she isnt right for you or that maybe she has not changed...then well maybe it is time to say goodbye. Only YOU know Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts