Right Or Wrong

[razor_sharpe]

Im in a situation where im not sure if what im doing is right or wrong.

i slipt up with my gfriend bout 4 weeks ago who i was with for 7 years,we have a little girl whos 4,just wasnt working.

 

ive been seeing sum other girl who i think i might be in love with,i cant stop thinking bout her and i make excuses to try and see her,now for the hard part.....the girl im seeing is my best mates ex and they have a son together whos 1,he treated her all wrong and i tell him he did,does,he has a gfriend that hes bin with for 2 years but when he slipts up with her (like every other week) he goes back to hes ex till things are sorted out,also this girl was best friends with my now ex....there friends still but never talk to each other no more...no one knows ive been seeing her just her and me....it all start through drinking in a club one week then the same again a couple weeks later,so to be honest im not sure if she even really likes me.nothing can really come of me and her cos of the situation,my friends and i are very close and it would look real bad if it came out and things thngs people will say and my ex and the trouble will just never end,i dont want to hurt anyone but we would be good 2gether.........guilt is kind of killing me too........

 

so should i stop seeing her?

is wat im doing wrong?

could it work if i did get with her?

is it love or just a rebound?

 

thanks for any advise

 

[bluetuesday]

hey razor_sharpe. let's examine this. this is what you've told us about the situation:

 

she's the ex partner of your best mate - and hooks up with him every few weeks whenever he breaks up with his current on/off partner.

 

she's friends with your ex.

 

you're not even sure if she likes you.

 

you think nothing can come out of it anyway.

 

you think if people found out it would cause hurt and hassle.

 

is that about it? okay, here are my observations.

 

1. it's so sad there are children in the middle of this. they are innocent bystanders to the mess adults make of their lives - and what their parents do affects them for ever. once you become a parent you forfeit the right to put yourself first. what is best for your daughter in this situation? could you work it out with her mother? could you at least ensure that nothing you do angers your ex enough to make her want you out of your daughter's life? if that includes NOT sleeping with her mates - do it.

 

2. this woman is still emotionally attached to your best mate. or obligated to him. either way, she has a child with him and lets him use her whenever he needs a warm body to cushion him from the fall-out of his current relationship.

 

3. your best mate would be furious if he discovered you were making moves on his ex - and she would more than likely side with HIM and stop seeing you if he asked because they have history together which includes a child and she wouldn't want to make things difficult there.

 

you'll have to decide for yourself if you're going to stop seeing her. but be aware of the dangers. you could alienate your ex, your best mate and this other woman.

 

many people would go ahead regardless. the world is full of people who went ahead with things because their desire to do it made entering an unwise situation justifiable for them. it's up to you whether you will be one of them.

[norajane]

I think if you try to be with this other woman that you 'think' you are in love with, you will be asking for a world of hurt and pain and being jerked back and forth constantly. She's clearly still in the midst of it with her ex and can't give you a real love relationship. And then there's the mess you'd be getting into with your ex, and your friend...your circle is just way too small.

 

Take some time to recover from your 7 year relationship, and then start dating people who aren't involved with their exes, and who aren't part of your current social circle. You need a fresh start, and this woman is not it. Why get involved with someone when your first action is to come to loveshack asking for advice? There are a lot of uncomplicated, uninvolved, single women out there who would welcome a relationship wiht you, and for whom you won't need to seek advice before you even get involved.

[saint]

Thanks I Think I Can Both Your Points, maybe Its Just Where I Feel A Bit Lost Cos Of My Rescent Brake Up And Im Projecting

[john2776]

Oh don't do it! You have had a rough time already, and to continue with your mates ex is only going to lead to more disaster. Do everyone a favour and step back from it. You need time, and then a relationship from outside of your current circle when you have got your **** together.