panthera_leo Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 Well, to be honest i never thought i'd be posting a title like this. For those who dont know my story we've been apart for 5 months and had very little contact in that time. I thought it was over. I left with dignity and didn't bed or plead. I insisted on NC so i could move on and heal. At first I wanted him to return... i'd pray for it. However, as time went on I lost hope and began to tell myself he will not come back. 2 weeks ago he sent me a letter. I was confused by it because it didn't mention reconciliation but he did explain a few things about why he left and that he now realised it was a stupid thing to do. He stated mistakes that were made throughout our relationship and that we could have worked on them if we communicated more. I simply replied by asking him what he wanted by it and why he sent it. Well he responded by saying he'd like to meet up to have a good chat and work things out. Its weird, for the first 2 months of the break up I so desparately wanted him back. I was totally heart broken and it felt like i was going through hell. Now... i've got what i wanted. Im still trying to figure out what I really want. Im writing here because I want a few words of wisdom... encouragement...advice. I'd really like to see people's opinions on whether second chances really work, or whether it will just end up in heart ache - again. Would you give your ex a second chance if they openly explained their mistakes and wanted to work on the relationship? Thanx Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 Would you give your ex a second chance if they openly explained their mistakes and wanted to work on the relationship? I would only go back if I felt it was worth the effort. If what had transpired was beyond repair, I wouldn't. Basically it comes down to you and your feelings on the relationship. Are you happier now without being involved with this person? Or is this person so amazing you won't mind investing more of yourself to the relationship and them? These are questions only you can answer. Link to post Share on other sites
silentcharon Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 Well, to be honest i never thought i'd be posting a title like this. For those who dont know my story we've been apart for 5 months and had very little contact in that time. I thought it was over. I left with dignity and didn't bed or plead. I insisted on NC so i could move on and heal. At first I wanted him to return... i'd pray for it. However, as time went on I lost hope and began to tell myself he will not come back. 2 weeks ago he sent me a letter. I was confused by it because it didn't mention reconciliation but he did explain a few things about why he left and that he now realised it was a stupid thing to do. He stated mistakes that were made throughout our relationship and that we could have worked on them if we communicated more. I simply replied by asking him what he wanted by it and why he sent it. Well he responded by saying he'd like to meet up to have a good chat and work things out. Its weird, for the first 2 months of the break up I so desparately wanted him back. I was totally heart broken and it felt like i was going through hell. Now... i've got what i wanted. Im still trying to figure out what I really want. Im writing here because I want a few words of wisdom... encouragement...advice. I'd really like to see people's opinions on whether second chances really work, or whether it will just end up in heart ache - again. Would you give your ex a second chance if they openly explained their mistakes and wanted to work on the relationship? Thanx Take it SLOW. With the amount of contact you've had with him over those five months, I think you should start talking to him more often now. So you can see where you are with him, if it's worth it, and see if he's willing to put in the effort now. Try being friends with him again, but keep lines of communciation open. Slowly. Slowly! Of course, second chances ALWAYS end in heart ache. ALL relationships do end, just like everything else, it's only a matter of time- I just enjoy what I have while it lasts. Nothing lasts forever. I guess that's just me, meh Link to post Share on other sites
KittenMoon Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 Some thoughts to ponder: -Why you you think you broke up? Why does HE? Make a list and share. -What hurt you the most? Why does he miss you so much now? - How do you feel about his perspective? How does he feel about yours? Discuss. - Did either of you date anyone in between? - Is this a "keeper" situation? Is there a point to reconciliation if its not pointed in the "forever" direction? GO slow. If frustration or anger arises during a discussion, decide beforehand that both of you will take 10min, an hour, a day, etc to cool off before reconvening. Cool heads prevail. Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 Congratulate yourself on having the dignity to walk away and do no contact. Apparently, 5 months gave him enough time to realize that he can't control your emotions. As for his explanation of why you guys broke up, I don't buy it. From your first post he sounded like he thought the grass was greener and wanted to go out and experience life as a single person. That's not communication problems. That's "I think I can do better and have more fun without you". Do you really want to go back knowing that it could happen again? Granted, your'e both awful young and these things do happen. I'm just not really the type that likes to go a second round with someone that hurt my self esteem. However, you're young so I know you're probably going to throw caution to teh wind. So, if you do consider going back please heed these words. Go SLOWLY AS POSSIBLE. I would urge you to start off as friends for a couple of months, no intimacy, no kissing. See if you even want him back. You have to make him earn you back or he will do the same thing over again. This happened to a friend of mine who was in college. She's beautiful too so it was kind of shocking. He left her for another girl. 6 months he came back with his tail between his legs and asked for another chance. My friend was no sucker and she read a book called "getting to i do" I think, and she made him work really hard to get her back. They're now married. I know you're young to be thinking about marriage, but the making him work part is super important or you have no real chance at a future while he takes you for granted. I think that book "why men marry bitches" is probably a more modern version but it's not that I expect you to try to hook him to get married. It simply teaches women how to hold their own so the guys know they have to treat them well and can't take the women for granted or they know they will walk. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
BeHappy Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 i agree with daphne. If you let him back into your life easily, he will never learn and continue taking you for granted. TAKE IT SLOW Link to post Share on other sites
Author panthera_leo Posted July 24, 2006 Author Share Posted July 24, 2006 Thank you for responding guys! Im going to take everyones advice. Its really hard because I never planned for this to happen...so when it does... it sorta knocks you back! Im waiting for him to initiate contact for the time being. I need to know that he is genuine and that he really wants this to work. Im going abroad on Wednesday for 10 days so this will give me time to think about things. Daphne - thanx for your post. It does cross my mind that he might do it again. Thats why im taking baby steps. Im still dubious about the whole situation. He's going to really have to prove that he wants me back... and he's willing to work 100% for it. Kitten Moon - You make some interesting points. I'll remember what you have said when I first meet with him. You're right... if its not "forever" then im not interested. I dont wanna be hurt again. I'll keep you updated on how it goes. Thanx again. Link to post Share on other sites
Thursday_le Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 hmmm... I have a few questions. Im a guy and I was wondering how to make the ex work for me. I mean...Im not at that point but Id like to get an idea. How slow is taking it slow? And What are some examples of making them work for you?....I understand that if theres no challenge then it kind of makes things too easy and they can lose interest.... Any Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
lemon Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 If my ex was open and honest and was genuinely interested in a reconciliation, I would definitely take him back. I know there's a risk he might do it again, but you can't live your life by what might happen. If you want him back, and you believe that he is genuine at this point in time, I would go for it. That's not to say you shouldn't be cautious. If you think he may just be using you as a security blanket or there's a good chance he'll do it again then steer clear. Only you can make that judgement as you're the only one who knows him. It sounds promising that he's made that step. Good luck! After my breakup I was determined for "never again". But now I realise that even if I found someone else, the same thing could happen so I can't go on thinking like that. And I don't think that pursuit works for getting a guy back. Not that I've tried it, but I'm sure that if I were to do so, I wouldn't be able to see him for dust... Link to post Share on other sites
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