Woggle Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 Last night I had a nightmare about being in divorce court. We had 2 kids and she ws leaving me for no good reason. I was about to pay huge amounts in alimony and child support and I would barely be able to see my kids at all. I took this as a sign from god that I should not go through with this. She is old enough to be my mother. She wants kids and I don't I have a feeling she has a lot of baggage I am not aware of I have a feeling that marriage is not for me Needless to say she is pretty pissed and she told me don't even think of changing my mind but I am happy about my decision. I know this is the right thing to do because I am saving myself the pain down the road in divorce court. She is going down to San Fran anyway for a vacation and I told her I would give her a month when she gets back to find her own place. I worked to hard for the things I have to let some woman come even close to taking it from me. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 OMG Woggle - I am so sorry! I really thought the last line of your post would say "just kidding" She must be so mad right now! Are you sure you don't want to reconsider? I thought you loved her - you stated that she was a great gal, despite your feelings for other women in your past... Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 Damn, Woggle! I thought it was so amazing that you had managed to open up and love someone despite your abusive past, and was really rooting for you. Why, why, why won't you get some therapy to help you deal with the pain in your past, and the fears you are living with? Link to post Share on other sites
SarahRose Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 I probably won't be the first or last to say it but you sir are a jack a$$! So she gave up her place to move in with you? I imagine there were expenses for the wedding that she is out plus the embarrassment and humiliation of your little childish stunt. Dear lord go get some professional help before you ever get involved with anyone else! You are always worried about some woman getting over on you and jerking your around but you apparently are worse. Had to jerk her around before she "potentially" did it to you. The very very least you could do is apologize to her and her loved ones and pay the deposit and first month rent on a new place and reimburse her for any money she is out because of your bs. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 I thought you were just having the typical cold feet syndrome going... Had no idea you were so seriously considering letting her go... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted July 23, 2006 Author Share Posted July 23, 2006 Just look at the seperation and divorce forum on this board. Those threads are the stories of millions of men across America. I don't want that to happen to me and most likely it will. I told her that one day she will want to be on her own again and live the single life and I will be tossed aside like an empty soda can so who are we kidding. She is pretty shocked because she did not see this coming but I just saved myself a whole lot of heartache and headache. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 I know this is the right thing to do because I am saving myself the pain down the road in divorce court. <alpha wipes forehead> phew...thank god! Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 Just look at the seperation and divorce forum on this board. Those threads are the stories of millions of men across America. I don't want that to happen to me and most likely it will. I told her that one day she will want to be on her own again and live the single life and I will be tossed aside like an empty soda can so who are we kidding. She is pretty shocked because she did not see this coming but I just saved myself a whole lot of heartache and headache. Next time you consider dating someone just tell them upfront that you don't intend to be married. This will save alot of confusion for your potential partner. That's what I'm doing, as I am soon to be divorced and I just tell men up front - that there really is no reason for me to be married again (have kids now). If they don't like it, they at least know the truth. They don't have to date me if they intend to marry. Sooo, just tell women from now on that you are not comfortable with the idea of marriage, it's only fair to them. Link to post Share on other sites
superconductor Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 Sorry to hear of this turn of events, Wog. But look at the bright side: You just saved yourself one of those orgies of female narcisissm that is a wedding. And although I don't believe SarahRose was particularly considerate in calling you some names, I think she's right in the sense that it would be the honourable thing to do to cover the unanticipated expenses. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 She is old enough to be my mother. That's enough to make me step away. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 There aren't a million posts on this board let alone a million members. People come to this board because they are having problems and challenges. What kind of posts would you expect. Duh. If you don't want kids then when did you get a vasectomy? If you didn't get a vasectomy are you planning on being celibate for the rest of your life? You had lousy experiences growing up, made some poor choices from lack of knowledge, refuse to get therapy for your issues because you think that you know what will happen to you in the future. Well get this, one day you are going to die and everything you worked for will be for nothing (to you) so why not just give up on life now, get yourself a shopping cart, learn to dumpster dive and just exist until the inevitable. You haven't saved yourself from any heartaches and headaches, you have merely prolonged your suffering. Keep your head buried in the sand and listen to your nightmares, you may not be happy but at least you'll think you're right. Link to post Share on other sites
Rubber_Chicken Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 So your mom won !!!! You wound up hurting your GF instead of her hurting you. Now your exgf will be affected in a negative manner because of your actions Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 Wog, I'm stumped. You're letting FUTURE FEARS that have NOT happened yet RUIN YOUR LIFE. That probably WILL NOT HAPPEN because you love her and she loves you. You're not willing to jump in and take a chance of happiness. Not because you're afraid of getting hurt, because you're so used to being unhappy and bitter. You've now made sure your life won't change, ever. Seems you prefer being lonely, miserable and being resentful, bitter towards women. You just gave up the love of your life because you are scared of rejection or it not working out. You hurt her before she could hurt you. You also have convinced yourself that she IS going to hurt you and walkout, ruining your life...So, instead you've done it to her. She's gone and now you've lost her. It's a shame because you had a good thing going, sadly, I doubt you really believed she loved you from the start. Wog, I like ya, you're interesting and all, but man - Please please PLEASE get some therapy. Your issues, past and present, are ruining your life. This is proof of it. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 I worked to hard for the things I have to let some woman come even close to taking it from me. Some woman? This is how you speak about a woman who has given up her life for you to be with you? Moved for you, gotten to you know, put up with your issues, loved you NO MATTER WHAT. Unconditionally. To me, reading that you've called her "some woman" is so disrespectful. Makes me sad Wog, because I think you didn't do any favours for yourself...You did a big one for her though - I hope one day she moves past this and can find happiness with someone who doesn't think that she's only going to screw him over in the worst way. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 You're not willing to jump in and take a chance of happiness. Not because you're afraid of getting hurt, because you're so used to being unhappy and bitter. You've now made sure your life won't change, ever. Seems you prefer being lonely, miserable and being resentful, bitter towards women. You just gave up the love of your life because you are scared of rejection or it not working out. hey dont' try to scare or intimidate WOGGLE....most of us know he has made the correct decision. He always had a little voice in the back of his head questioning this whole relationship. It was quite apparent. Now his little voice has come to the front of his head and he is seeing things more objectively now. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 hey dont' try to scare or intimidate WOGGLE....most of us know he has made the correct decision. He always had a little voice in the back of his head questioning this whole relationship. It was quite apparent. Now his little voice has come to the front of his head and he is seeing things more objectively now. I'm not scaring him or intimidating him at all. Woggle knows me well enough to know I'm not like that. I'm being honest and sharing my feelings. I could be completely wrong. I really feel that if he had given things a chance, gone to some therapy, talked out his issues, dealt with them and learned how to trust her, things could be fine. Now, he won't have that chance, and he'll never know. He decided for them BOTH. He thought she would dump him in the future. The mistake was made many months ago when they got engaged. Just makes me sad because she's brought alot of good into his life, slowly he started opening up and being the person he really was meant to be. Then he let fears, worries and past hurts get in the way. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 I could be completely wrong. I really feel that if he had given things a chance, gone to some therapy, talked out his issues, dealt with them and learned how to trust her, things could be fine. you're telling a 25 yr old man to marry a 40 yr old woman? you are crazy! your license to practice should be revolked. it would NEVER work out.. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 you're telling a 25 yr old man to marry a 40 yr old woman? you are crazy! your license to practice should be revolked. it would NEVER work out.. When you put it like that you make it sound so dirty! Geez, I'm just saying that he balked before really giving it a chance. She is old enough to be my mother. Then he should not have dated her in first place. She wants kids and I don't This should have been discussed waaaay before getting engaged. I have a feeling she has a lot of baggage I am not aware of He is reflecting HIS OWN baggage onto her. I have a feeling that marriage is not for me Again, then they should not have gotten engaged to begin with. I feel sad for both of them. Link to post Share on other sites
timidity99 Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 Woggle I'm surprised you ever accepted her proposal in the first place. My ex gf was steaminginly upset when I rejected her proposal. Of course after she calmed down she told me she would give me as much time as I need and would not pressure me but I told her it's too late for that because I already know her heart's desire is to be married. So I let her go. Now I'm the one who's suffering and I'm doing NC. Link to post Share on other sites
timidity99 Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 I think your nightmare was certainly a sign from God that you should not get married. I would have done the same thing if I was in your shoes woggle. The separation and divorce forums are another sign from God as well too. I was kind of hoping that you would call off the wedding while I read your past threads. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 Wog, I thought I'd seen growth in you, and I must say I'm disappointed. You are so intent upon maintaining your view of all women are bad and are out to hurt you belief system that YOU will do whatever it takes to make sure that no woman will ever get close to you. It's all YOU, Wog. Not to say that there aren't bad women out there and you've had your share of experience there, but YOU are the one maintaining your world view. Pity the woman who gets drawn into your sick little world. A dream of divorce is a sign from God? Theologically, God is for the harmony of opposites coming together to create a mutually supportive relationship. So how could this dream be from God? Jung would see the dream as representative of what's going on inside you--the male side divorcing the female side of your psyche at the expense of the child in you. Don't lay this on God. It's YOU, all YOU. You deserve yourself. If you're happy with this decision, great. But are you really happy? I mean really? If so, I agree--tell any future women you go out with the truth--that you are happy in your own little world and that the only way they figure into it is as pleasure object. Those who are content with that scenario will return the favor in kind so you can be their pleasure object as well. Is that what you really want? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 Hey Woggle. Sorry to hear of your break-up. I didn't know you were only 25. That's pretty young to be on wife #2 anyway. If she's 40, she should've known better than to get involved with you. Maybe she did because her clock was ticking. I hope you get yourself better before you get into another relationship. 'Cause you will never have a good relationship until you fix the one you have with yourself. Best wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 Woggle is 25? For some reason after reading his history and posts - I thought he was about 45... geeeez! 25 and 40 are worlds apart in their perspectives and expectations... no wonder he is so confused. Wait about ten years Wog, and you will know what is a good choice for your future with a gal. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 Woggle's 'little voice' isn't instinct but rather the paranoia and neuroses which remain because of his troubled relationship with his mother. Sadly, some people refuse to acknowledge that they have serious issues and go through life from train wreck to train wreck. What's worse is they convince themselves that this sort of running scared existence constitutes 'happiness'. I hope for your sake you will someday get professional help, W. And that you apologize profusely to that poor woman for leading her into thinking you were in any sort of shape to have a relationship with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted July 23, 2006 Author Share Posted July 23, 2006 I know you people are going to think I am completely out of my mind but we made up and the wedding is back on. I was counseling my friend again last night and his situation is enough to make any man not trust women. After seeing how hard she took it I felt bad and realized that she really does care about me. Many women do turn on a man like that but she honest to god does seem like an exception. She told me if I ever pull this crap again she is leaving and not turning back but she will forgive me this time. She did sign a prenup with no protest so that shows where her head is at. Maybe it is just pre-wedding jitters. Link to post Share on other sites
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