I'm the MM and I love my OW - now what?

[Hard2Think]

Thank you all!! So what are my chances of reconciling with W? I doubt very much at this point she'll forgive me.

 

I guess I would also need more than just going back to once was or I'll feel miserable again .. I'd need her to be a bit more of my lover. I don't know if that's even possible anymore.

[a4a]

Thank you all!! So what are my chances of reconciling with W? I doubt very much at this point she'll forgive me.

 

I guess I would also need more than just going back to once was or I'll feel miserable again .. I'd need her to be a bit more of my lover. I don't know if that's even possible anymore.

 

 

Perhaps if you looked at it as you becoming more of a husband to her, her lover, her friend your marriage would have never been violated in the first place. You see you cannot just sit back expecting a person to just fulfill your wants or needs, you have to fulfill theirs. You may even have to ask how to do so. In return they are much more likely to fulfill your wants and needs.

 

Be a man. Get your ass to a MC even if it is by yourself. Work on making yourself more desirable as a person and a husband (so far you have not).

 

And I got news, don't expect your wife to forget or forgive you soon. What you have done is betray her to the ultimate degree.... total disrespect.

 

Get on the phone now and make an appt. with a MC or therapist. At least start working on making yourself a better person and try to find out why you did such a thing in the first place.

[Last Mohegan]

You helped push your ex-OW towards psychosis... its not fair to even say she's a psycho simply because she aided in your exposure of writing checks you apparently haven't ever been able to cash. You can type the words "its all my fault" everyday for the rest of your life, but to state your OW is psycho is consciously or subconsciously placing blame for your current situation... you didn't come clean with anyone and now the bank is knocking on the door, rather, blew through your door last night demanding payment. Now everyone will pay.

 

Yesterday your concern was for an ammicable divorce and your children and now you have mixed feelings about losing your wife and are concerned about her pain...

 

Hang on... I'm looking for my neck brace... I seem to have whiplash.

 

All true except for the OW. I have no desire to ever see her again regardless of how things turn out. Yeah - I'm at fault here. No doubt about it.

[Hard2Think]

You helped push your ex-OW towards psychosis... its not fair to even say she's a psycho simply because she aided in your exposure of writing checks you apparently haven't ever been able to cash. You can type the words "its all my fault" everyday for the rest of your life, but to state your OW is psycho is consciously or subconsciously placing blame for your current situation... you didn't come clean with anyone and now the bank is knocking on the door, rather, blew through your door last night demanding payment. Now everyone will pay.

 

Yesterday your concern was for an ammicable divorce and your children and now you have mixed feelings about losing your wife and are concerned about her pain...

 

Hang on... I'm looking for my neck brace... I seem to have whiplash.

 

I understand - sorry about flakiness. I'm toast and I kno it.

[BUTAFLY]

The bit about the OW being driven to her actions is bull. No one is driven by another person.We all make our own descisions . This OW did tell him to leave his wife , stay with his wife , leave his wife ect ect ect . She does sound a bit unsure if not unstable . Then for retribution to show up at his home just as he told her he was ready to leave with proof of his A . Pretty schitzy. H2T , now would be the time to make your move , you wanted out of your M . Now you can have your new start or head to M counciling .

 

Shes not psycho....This is the same woman at one point he thought was his answer...the way out of his marriage and into a happier life. He has strung her along, begged for her to trust him, asked her to wait. He adored her as long as she did so and played by his rules of discreetness. As soon as she takes a stand all of the sudden PSYCHO? I think NOT. Everyone has their boiling point and when you play with someones emotions, their feelings and life with no regard but your own, you better be ready for the consequences. My guess is the wife will ulimatley forgive, not saying its gonna be easy but will forgive nonetheless and they will continue their marriage either the same mundane way w/ added hostility for the affair or it will awaken something & improve.

 

I hope every new OW to LS who believes in her MM, trusts her MM with all her soul reads this thread becasue H2T is the classic example of a man who's marriage has gone south and is looking for a quick fix.

[BenThereDunThat]

I agree with Butafly 200%. When I first started reading H2T's threads, I could have sworn he was my MM, he talked just like him. In fact, it amazes me how similar all our MMs are.

 

And yep, my MM adored me, loved me soo deeply. I fell hook, line, and sinker.

 

I have to admit, I can't exactly say I would not have done the same thing your OW did, had he put me on the emotional roller coaster ride you put her on.

[Ladyjane14]

I doubt very much at this point she'll forgive me.

 

I guess I would also need more than just going back to once was or I'll feel miserable again .. I'd need her to be a bit more of my lover. I don't know if that's even possible anymore.

 

Deep breaths there fella. You aren't the first guy to ever experience a D-Day. It may not seem like it right now.... but there's going to come a time when life feels normal again.

 

As weird as it sounds.... the OW telling your wife is probably one of the best things that could have happened to you. Things are out in the open now. The odds were stacked against you before this happened in terms of ever having a healthy relationship with ANYONE. How can you have a meaningful relationship when you're not emotionally honest? Now... you have nothing to lose that isn't already lost.

 

While it's true that some marriages don't recover from infidelity, it's equally true that others do. Your best bet right now is to read the information on HT Survive Infidelity at Marriagebuilders.com. You might also want to read a copy of Surviving An Affair by Harley. You need to understand how this happened to you.

 

I want you to know... you don't have any time to play games if you're going to try to save your marriage. You have to give yourself over to it 100%. You can't expect for it to be easy, and you won't have guaranteed results. You're going to have to be honest for the first time in a long time. You'll have to be an 'open book' to a person who's very hurt and angry right now.

 

You'll need to go to MC, as well as to work at home. And you can NEVER SEE OR SPEAK TO OW AGAIN. You can't afford to disappoint your wife again with another D-Day. It takes TIME to rebuild trust, and you can't afford to EVER lose forward momentum. Even if you're successful in getting your wife to try for reconcilliation, it's still going to take apx. 2 years before your marriage is recovered.

 

But... the rewards can be worth it. For folks like me, who have experienced marriage recovery, it's even better than the infatuation stage of new romance. It's hard to describe, but there's a comfort to being truly one with another person. You're not walking through this world alone. Your mate knows you and accepts you for who you really are, and in actively reciprocating that acceptance you learn to be the BEST person you can be. Infatuation is exciting... but it can't hold a candle to the REAL DEAL.

 

Think it through a little before you commit yourself. It's a huge undertaking. Stay completely away from OW until you've come to a decision. Not a phone call. Not an email. Not a text message. Because if you decide to attempt reconcilliation, you'll have to answer for EVERYTHING you do right now. The adultery you committed before is bad enough. But now, you've seen your wife's misery and tears with your own eyes. Anything you do to betray her after that will be perceived as deliberately hurtful.

 

One more thing.... please see your medical doctor for a depression screening. It's possible that mid-life depression could have led you here to this crisis point in your life. And even if you had no symptoms before now, you may still develop situational depression while dealing with all this uncertainty. Work closely with your doctor, and follow up regularly. Eat right, sleep right, and get the appropriate amount of exercize. It's difficult to stay healthy under stress. (And please, recommend your wife to do the same. She's had a terrible blow. )

[whichwayisup]

It all matters not. OW came to the house with love emails I had sent her and gave them to W. Unbeleivable nightmare scenario. W and I haven't slept all night.

 

I wish to God someone was here right now .. this sucks. But it's all 100% my fault. Nobody to lay the blame on here.

 

OW turns out to be a psycho and there's no chance of reconciliation with W. I have mixed feelings about that - but I the electric chair sounds like a great place to sit right now for me.

 

I regret causing W this pain. That's the part I hate the most. At the same time - a huge weight feels like it was just lifted from my shoulders. One moment I wish I could reconcile with W, and the next I feel almost glad there was an event that will finally propel me from my inertia and get a divorce.

 

W is more than entitled to feeling betrayed and hateful towards me. God knows I deserve it. I'm human garbage, plain and simple. She's lucky to be rid of the likes of me.

 

Now you need to decide what you want.

 

If you want to work things out with your wife, BE a complete open book. No matter what, don't hold ANYTHING back. Go to counselling, one on one and marriage counselling. Work your tail off to show your wife that you're sorry, you f**k'd up BIG TIME and that you're going to change...In action, not just in words.

 

If you want to divorce, then do that.

 

As for the OW. Her reasonings for telling your wife? To get back at you? To end the marriage once and for all so she can have you? To make life miserable and so you can suffer just like her?

 

You are blaming yourself 100%, but your OW is partially responsible as well. You may have fed her lines, but she is responsible for her own actions and feelings. She knew going into a relationship with a MM, that life would NOT be easy in that type of situation.

 

I don't know what you should do now but most of all, I feel so sad for the kids. Make sure you and your wife put them first. Let them know they're loved by both of you and that will never change.

[lawrence angel]

Hard2Think,

Even if you do still desire a divorce, a MC can help you through the process. Your wife deserves to know what went wrong. She went into this thinking you would be her partner for life and now she only sees the death of it all.

 

It takes 2 to make a marriage work, and both you were probably taking each other for granted. Your wife is now going through an emotional roller coaster of hate, anger, insecurity, anxiety, etc. You owe it to her to at least sit with a MC and try and explain what went wrong. I'm sure she feels like a giant stinky pile of poo right about now.

 

You will feel so pround of yourself if you put 100% into either reconciling with your wife or at least going to counceling and staying away from the OW until you have reached some sort of closure with your wife. I doubt you are completely over the OW. You are going to go through extreme withdrawal and depression as time goes by, because you have lost that daily excitement of the OW. This may lead you back to the OW, but in order for you to respect yourself and your wife you must take care of your marriage problems first.

 

If you could open up to your wife and tell her everything, you will feel so much better. If your marriage does stay together, your wife is going to need you to be an open book. You will need to tell her everything about every moment of each day. This may take her years to get over.

 

I know you keep saying you are making decisions based on your children, but in order for life to be good for them, you and your wife need to be completely stable emotionally. Your marriage comes first. If you stay together, who are you going to be looking at across the dinner table when the kids are grown? Get your lives on track first and you will see the kids following along with ease.

 

What they don't need to know is that dad is running around behind mom's back with other women. This only proves to them that your putting yourself first, not them and certainly not their mom. This is a perfect opportunity for your wife to divorce you, make you pay child support and alimomy, you see the kids every other weekend, and she hates you and convinces the kids of the same. That is a pretty common senario of divorce these days.

 

Step up to the plate and make some honest decisions about this whole thing. I hope you can.

[BUTAFLY]

ok H2T explain this to me again. You said:

I told my wife I wanted a divorce and after the initial shock was over, we started making the plans. I then called OW and told her what was happening.

So the wife agreed with the divorce right? Your both on the same page when you say your marriage is lousy?

then you say:

there's no chance of reconciliation with W.

I know you may have changed your mind but has she? Is the divorce still on?

[Hard2Think]

Thank you all so much for your caring and your input. You are helping me a great deal here. More than you know.

 

Someone asked what it is that I want. I will never speak to OW again. Ever. It's over no matter what happens with W.

 

What I want is W - but the way OW was with me. I want what I always wanted. For W to love me and show it.

 

I had already been on the divorce mindset before OW. W has a tendency to be verbally abusive at times and not affectionate. For example, many times I would go to give her a simple hug and she would let her body go limp until I was done. Doesn't seem like a big deal - but it was.

 

When I had outpatient hernia surgery 2 years ago - she didn't stay. Instead she went and did her aerobics workout and I had to wait an hour in the recovery room for her to get me. The wife of the guy in the same room with me didn't believe me when I said I had a wife.

 

My dad was dying of cancer and after a heavy dose of chemo - I had him come over and stay with us for a few days. He was not pretty to look at and she asked me to tell him to leave. He was too weak to be alone and so I told her I'd have to stay with him. She put her hands on her hips and asked "Who's going to watch the kids tomorrow when I teach my (aerobics) class?"

 

When my father finally died. It was Dec. 22nd of last year. We had a vacation planned to go to Phoenix to visit her brother and their family. My dad was still in the morgue and I had to make all the arrangements since I'm the only child. She went ahead and went on vacation with the kids while I stayed behind. While I took her to the airport she gave me the silent treatment the whole way because I accidentally broke a vase while carrying some things and she thought I made too little of an issue out of it.

 

Sex has always been a once every 2 or 3 week event usually in a hurry. She was getting goose pimples (not good ones) when I would touch her. I'm not allowed to perform nor recieve oral sex from her.

 

Every day she's tired and in bed by 9 PM because she gets up so early to teach fitness classes. I was always the last one in line.

 

The list goes on ..

 

I want W - but a loving W. I don't know if I made any sense.

[Last Mohegan]

How much counseling have you already had to work on yourself?

 

Thank you all so much for your caring and your input. You are helping me a great deal here. More than you know.

 

Someone asked what it is that I want. I will never speak to OW again. Ever. It's over no matter what happens with W.

 

What I want is W - but the way OW was with me. I want what I always wanted. For W to love me and show it.

 

I had already been on the divorce mindset before OW. W has a tendency to be verbally abusive at times and not affectionate. For example, many times I would go to give her a simple hug and she would let her body go limp until I was done. Doesn't seem like a big deal - but it was.

 

When I had outpatient hernia surgery 2 years ago - she didn't stay. Instead she went and did her aerobics workout and I had to wait an hour in the recovery room for her to get me. The wife of the guy in the same room with me didn't believe me when I said I had a wife.

 

My dad was dying of cancer and after a heavy dose of chemo - I had him come over and stay with us for a few days. He was not pretty to look at and she asked me to tell him to leave. He was too weak to be alone and so I told her I'd have to stay with him. She put her hands on her hips and asked "Who's going to watch the kids tomorrow when I teach my (aerobics) class?"

 

When my father finally died. It was Dec. 22nd of last year. We had a vacation planned to go to Phoenix to visit her brother and their family. My dad was still in the morgue and I had to make all the arrangements since I'm the only child. She went ahead and went on vacation with the kids while I stayed behind. While I took her to the airport she gave me the silent treatment the whole way because I accidentally broke a vase while carrying some things and she thought I made too little of an issue out of it.

 

Sex has always been a once every 2 or 3 week event usually in a hurry. She was getting goose pimples (not good ones) when I would touch her. I'm not allowed to perform nor recieve oral sex from her.

 

Every day she's tired and in bed by 9 PM because she gets up so early to teach fitness classes. I was always the last one in line.

 

The list goes on ..

 

I want W - but a loving W. I don't know if I made any sense.

[whichwayisup]

IT does make sense. The thing is, you want your wife to be someone she's not. Her actions have shown you this.

 

She wasn't supportive when your father was having chemo. I know firsthand about chemo as my own father died of cancer too (I am sorry for your loss) and I know the affect it has on the rest of loved ones...

 

The thing is, you want your wife, but she seems cold. Rejecting you emotionally and physically. Do you think with the help of marriage counselling she'll warm up to you? Will she forgive your affair with the OW?

 

You're missing love, and you're missing being needed. I'm just not sure if your wife is able to give that to you. Right now anyway...But I do hope she does eventually, with the help of marriage counselling.

 

Someone asked what it is that I want. I will never speak to OW again. Ever. It's over no matter what happens with W.

 

That is the best thing you can do for yourself. Not sure the intentions of your OW telling your wife, showing her all the emails etc., but either way the damage is done. If the OW thought this was going to bring you closer to her, to make sure the marriage was indeed over, it backfired on her big time.

[Last Mohegan]

He is not blaming himself 100%... He has put sufficient blame on his wife from the onset. She doesn't do this; I simply want this; I've tried everything; she wasn't there for me during this time; she goes limp... with the dialogue this man has been able to carry on at LS I can't imagine this is the first he's heard of MC.

 

And, yes, every individual is responsible for their own actions and feelings but how many BS's on LS have urged OW to tell the BS? They ALWAYS say let the BS know what's going on.

 

One minute this man is talking about a call girl and staying married, the next about the OW, the next about his wife; the next "poor me" I just want to be loved; the next oh my poor kids... Why would it not surprise me to find that no matter how much his wife "changed" for him, it would never be enough?

 

I'm trusting my gut on this one... You sound like a classic narcissist H2T.

 

Now you need to decide what you want.

 

If you want to work things out with your wife, BE a complete open book. No matter what, don't hold ANYTHING back. Go to counselling, one on one and marriage counselling. Work your tail off to show your wife that you're sorry, you f**k'd up BIG TIME and that you're going to change...In action, not just in words.

 

If you want to divorce, then do that.

 

As for the OW. Her reasonings for telling your wife? To get back at you? To end the marriage once and for all so she can have you? To make life miserable and so you can suffer just like her?

 

You are blaming yourself 100%, but your OW is partially responsible as well. You may have fed her lines, but she is responsible for her own actions and feelings. She knew going into a relationship with a MM, that life would NOT be easy in that type of situation.

 

I don't know what you should do now but most of all, I feel so sad for the kids. Make sure you and your wife put them first. Let them know they're loved by both of you and that will never change.

[BUTAFLY]

Last Mohegan,

I glad someone is telling it like it is-I applaud you.

H2T(and other men) thank you for goneing this forum. I'm not trying to bash you in any way and if I or others ask countless questions its because we crave to understand what goes on in the MM head and not trying to cut you down.

 

I just want to get somethings straight. You claim your wife is affectionless, isn't that why you sat her down and asked for a divorce and didn't she agree? I know you kept the ow out of that conversation because you 'didn't want to throw it in her face' but what did you tell her your reasoning you wanted a divorce. I just think if there was to be a blow up or a major discussion about your relationship it would have happened then and not when the OW outted you.

[a4a]

Thanks for the input. I don't know what went wrong in my marriage - but I'm relatively sure that it wasn't that I wasn't meeting her physical or emotional needs. But then again - I don't know because she never really told me.

 

 

and I doubt he ever really put the effort into asking either.

[BUTAFLY]

and I doubt he ever really put the effort into asking either.

(I'm gonna piggy back off of a4a's post.) If you don't know what your W wants then what was your talk about when you asked or a divorce?

 

My wife and I had a very good talk a few days ago where I assured her that I would take care of her very fairly financially. She doesn't feel all that happy in the relationship either and is willing to go about it the friendly way - no attorneys until the end. She's ok with mediation so we come to an agreement as to what each other wants.

[veronese]

I don't think the OW sounds like a psycho at all, you sound more like one to me.

 

You were happy having an affair with your OW for a year or so until she became sufficiently involved with you to give you an ultimatum and end your marriage to be with her.... so you headed to the hills without explanation or apology.

 

Around the time of her deadline you got back in touch with her, had sex with her, told her how much you'd missed her, then slunk back home to your wife again.

 

Had you done anything concrete about separating from your wife? No, nothing apart from raising the subject with her. You didn't seek legal advice, start divorce proceedings, move out, nothing. Your OW had clearly stipulated that she wasn't prepared to be the OW and gave you two months to move your arse into gear and make a decision but you didn't.

 

You've said more than once that you know you sound like a typical MM but you're not.

 

That you didn't want your OW to feel used if you had sex with her because you're not a bad guy.

 

You don't want to hurt your OW, your kids.

 

Say what you like but everything you've done suggests the opposite.

 

You've sounded to me from the start a stereotypical wanker of a man who was loving having his cake and eating it and would have liked it to have stayed that way.

 

Don't call your OW crazy, she isn't. She probably loved and believed in you. She's probably hurt and angry, humiliated and heartbroken. You deserved to be busted with your wife and the OW may have done you a favour seeing as you're not that keen on your poor wife either. The OW has done your wife a favour for sure because now she knows the truth about the husband she's been so unhappy with for so long.

 

It's not you who needs to come here for support, it's your wife and girlfriend. Go and look at the OW/OM forum because you may find one of them there is your OW and realise how much pain you've caused her. Read any of the posts here by betrayed wives and you'll get an idea of what your wife is going through.

 

No apologies for sounding harsh, it's meant to be

 

veronese

[veronese]

He is not blaming himself 100%... He has put sufficient blame on his wife from the onset. She doesn't do this; I simply want this; I've tried everything; she wasn't there for me during this time; she goes limp... with the dialogue this man has been able to carry on at LS I can't imagine this is the first he's heard of MC.

 

And, yes, every individual is responsible for their own actions and feelings but how many BS's on LS have urged OW to tell the BS? They ALWAYS say let the BS know what's going on.

 

One minute this man is talking about a call girl and staying married, the next about the OW, the next about his wife; the next "poor me" I just want to be loved; the next oh my poor kids... Why would it not surprise me to find that no matter how much his wife "changed" for him, it would never be enough?

 

I'm trusting my gut on this one... You sound like a classic narcissist H2T.

 

 

Well aint that the truth!

[BenThereDunThat]

Amen, Veronese. You said it all!!

[whichwayisup]

People deserve second chances. Hopefully his wife will. And if she does, there's a good chance that all the problems in the marriage can be discussed and fixed, with the help of marriage counselling.

 

NUMBER ONE RULE: NO contact with the OW ever again. Though I know H2T knows this, as he said he's never going to speak to the OW again. I think her showing his wife the letters etc., has finalized that anyway.

[lawrence angel]

Hard2Think,

Everything you said about your father's chemo, surgery, her being limp and unaffectionate needs to be all said to her. Whether you decide to say it in MC or whatever. She needs to know how you feel. It sounds as if she has had some underlying animosity for quite some time now, and that has shown in these past actions towards you. I am sure you will find out eventually that your wife is craving just as much affection and sex as you are, she just can't show it because of the frustration and pain. Now with the added affair info. it will be a long haul until she recovers and is able to show you these things. If you stay together of course.

 

Didn't you say this was not your first affair?? I know someone in another thread said that a relationship of 3 people is like a triangle, the closer you get to one, the further you get from the other. I am sure your wife has sensed your reciprical lack of affection towards her and has acted out in resentment. This sounds like it has all snowballed over the years. One person feels one way and treats the other with disrespect and it goes on and on until this happens.

 

Whatever you do, you will have to have some sort of relationship with your wife. To avoid her hating you for the rest of time, and for the sake of the children, it might be good to just come clean about everything you have done so you can have open communication. You may be afraid of doing this, but in the long run she will respect you and you will respect yourself for doing so.

 

For some reason it seems that the "cheater" if you will, has a million reasons why they can justify doing what they did, and they also have an extremely difficult time taking accountability for their actions. I see this time and time again from reading posts, books, and such. In time you will have to take accountability for all your actions and so will your wife, but you cannot make excuses for your actions.

 

You had complete control over everything you did in your marriage and she has had complete control over her actions as well. It takes a much stronger and bigger person to find out why someone did something so disrespectfully to you than to just do something back to hurt them. I have found in my relationship, that when my husband says or does something that hurts me, I immediately address it head on and find out why. It may have not been directed at me in the first place, he could have been upset about something at work and took it out on the first person he encountered, me. If you ignore it and let the hurt and frustration build up inside you, you will eventually act out and rebel with something disrespectful back. This is what I mean by the snowball effect.

 

I am not saying you have done these things on purpose to hurt each other, it is usually all subconscious. You just end up not caring what you say or do, you do whatever makes you feel good without taking into account the other persons feelings. That's all I've got to say about that.

[lawrence angel]

OOPSY posted same one twice

[Last Mohegan]

Very well spoken and dead on!

 

I don't think the OW sounds like a psycho at all, you sound more like one to me.

 

You were happy having an affair with your OW for a year or so until she became sufficiently involved with you to give you an ultimatum and end your marriage to be with her.... so you headed to the hills without explanation or apology.

 

Around the time of her deadline you got back in touch with her, had sex with her, told her how much you'd missed her, then slunk back home to your wife again.

 

Had you done anything concrete about separating from your wife? No, nothing apart from raising the subject with her. You didn't seek legal advice, start divorce proceedings, move out, nothing. Your OW had clearly stipulated that she wasn't prepared to be the OW and gave you two months to move your arse into gear and make a decision but you didn't.

 

You've said more than once that you know you sound like a typical MM but you're not.

 

That you didn't want your OW to feel used if you had sex with her because you're not a bad guy.

 

You don't want to hurt your OW, your kids.

 

Say what you like but everything you've done suggests the opposite.

 

You've sounded to me from the start a stereotypical wanker of a man who was loving having his cake and eating it and would have liked it to have stayed that way.

 

Don't call your OW crazy, she isn't. She probably loved and believed in you. She's probably hurt and angry, humiliated and heartbroken. You deserved to be busted with your wife and the OW may have done you a favour seeing as you're not that keen on your poor wife either. The OW has done your wife a favour for sure because now she knows the truth about the husband she's been so unhappy with for so long.

 

It's not you who needs to come here for support, it's your wife and girlfriend. Go and look at the OW/OM forum because you may find one of them there is your OW and realise how much pain you've caused her. Read any of the posts here by betrayed wives and you'll get an idea of what your wife is going through.

 

No apologies for sounding harsh, it's meant to be

 

veronese

[Last Mohegan]

You are right about that...I've been given many chances in life. However, I don't believe for one second that he won't ever be in contact with the OW again. I would bet my very life that he will be. He has proven how many times that his actions don't match his words? Why would you believe "never" this time? This storm will blow over and in light of the fact that he's a repeat offender, I don't see this storm scaring him straight.

 

People deserve second chances. Hopefully his wife will. And if she does, there's a good chance that all the problems in the marriage can be discussed and fixed, with the help of marriage counselling.

 

NUMBER ONE RULE: NO contact with the OW ever again. Though I know H2T knows this, as he said he's never going to speak to the OW again. I think her showing his wife the letters etc., has finalized that anyway.